MRevolver Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 (edited) So as many of you know, ol' Doc Young Guns (DYG for short-the 23 yr old kook who continues to break my heart on a yearly basis), broke things off with me again about 3 weeks ago. Hasn't really spoken to me following an email I sent asking if we could talk about why our courtship suddenly went sour. I think the most we've maybe said was "hi" and even that's only because we belong to the same organization and well, have to see each other on a weekly basis. But anyhoo... So our organization planned a trip over the weekend...and well, guess who had the audacity to ask me if they could catch a ride?!?! Literally texted me as if nothing had happened and we were still seeing each other! I was like "is this guy serious???" And unfortunately he was. And *sigh* without thinking, I agreed. It wound up being 4 of us in the car and the ride itself went surprisingly well. However soon as we got to our destination, dude completely ignored me! Literally only spoke to me while in the car, then when we stopped for dinner on the way back, and that was it! Haven't heard a word from him since! I mean it's pretty much a given that I'm crazy for even agreeing to let him tag along but seriously...this guy has some MAJOR nerve for even asking in the first place!! So let's hear it LS! Anyone else have an ex with this much nerve, or is it just me?? Edited September 29, 2010 by MRevolver
TaraMaiden Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 The nerve this guy had is matched by the foolishness of you even saying yes. He'd only really have the nerve, if you'd refused. As it is, this guy has no nerve, just luck. The more you let him get away with it, the less nerve he has. What he does have is someone who seems to be a sucker for punishment. Really - think about it.....
Author MRevolver Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 The nerve this guy had is matched by the foolishness of you even saying yes. He'd only really have the nerve, if you'd refused. As it is, this guy has no nerve, just luck. The more you let him get away with it, the less nerve he has. What he does have is someone who seems to be a sucker for punishment. Really - think about it..... I completely see where you're coming from but in my own defense, I was so taken so aback by his initial asking, that I really thought this was his way of trying to make 'amends.' Manly because we were at least being civil since we broke things off a few weeks ago. Cause last time (after our initial split 2 yrs ago), it was anything but civil. We literally avoided each other like the plague and if we did have to speak he was usually hateful and there was always a mess of tension. It was only after he had ignored me while on the trip that I realized that yep, he'd played me for a sucker. Plus it was a church trip...rejecting him would have looked like I couldn't 'woman up' and show him brotherly love lol
TaraMaiden Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I'm sorry, but really the very incident of him asking for a ride should have left you thinking - "What? You want, what? Are you kidding...?!? You ARE kidding - right??" you know what his behaviour is. he does this regularly. But really, you need to implement some self-protective measures. If he's 'breaking your heart on a yearly basis' - you really should know better. You know what they say about Insanity and different results..... he does this to you, because you give him permission to. You ned to toughen up, become more harsh and not give him any inkling that he can in any way manipulate himself back into your affections. And frankly - this Plus it was a church trip...rejecting him would have looked like I couldn't 'woman up' and show him brotherly love lol is ludicrous. This is known as practising "idiot Compassion" (in Buddhism) Doing something worthy but because it makes you look good, shows you're conforming to convention, and you think people will think badly of you if you don't. Wise Compassion is still recognising the person needing Compassion, is a human being, but that you are equally worthy of dignity, respect and compassion - and that your persona needs safeguarding from being a walk-over. You enable, you don't compensate. Wise Compassion makes you a doorway. Idiot compassion makes you a doormat.
Author MRevolver Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 (edited) I'm sorry, but really the very incident of him asking for a ride should have left you thinking - "What? You want, what? Are you kidding...?!? You ARE kidding - right??" you know what his behaviour is. he does this regularly. But really, you need to implement some self-protective measures. If he's 'breaking your heart on a yearly basis' - you really should know better. You know what they say about Insanity and different results..... he does this to you, because you give him permission to. You ned to toughen up, become more harsh and not give him any inkling that he can in any way manipulate himself back into your affections. And frankly - this is ludicrous. This is known as practising "idiot Compassion" (in Buddhism) Doing something worthy but because it makes you look good, shows you're conforming to convention, and you think people will think badly of you if you don't. Wise Compassion is still recognising the person needing Compassion, is a human being, but that you are equally worthy of dignity, respect and compassion - and that your persona needs safeguarding from being a walk-over. You enable, you don't compensate. Wise Compassion makes you a doorway. Idiot compassion makes you a doormat. I was actually using a bit of sarcasm with my last sentence regarding brotherly love... But honestly tho, I probably would have felt bad had I turned him down for a ride just because that's not me. I'm a 'do unto other's' type gal but at the same time I do need to safeguard myself from coming off as an easy walkover or better yet, continuing to be any easy walkover. Cause that's not something I've ever been but this guy, sadly, seems to have this awful ability to bring out the 'rug' in me. And I think a lot of this is due to me still focusing on both the 'good times' and his 'good qualities' rather than seeing the cake for what it is. Since we do have limited contact (due to church, mutual friends, etc.) I'm really trying to find that fine line between being civil to him yet not making it seem like I'm willing to take any of his crap or inviting it. So any suggestions for when we do have to interact? Edited September 29, 2010 by MRevolver
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