Jay34 Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 An ex who i consider to be the love of my life and since we broke it off has never stopped contacting me, most of which i ignored but i recently gave in and we both poured all our emotions out. we talked about everything. Whenever we talk its like time has never passed. The problem is she has a bf and lives far away. She is on the outs with him so she says. I don't want to keep talking to her while shes with someone. She is coming to visit over the summer and wants to meet up with me. I do want to see her again. I'm just not sure if its worth it. Of course she would have to be single. She's somebody I really care for or I wouldn't even consider it. I just don't want to see her for a week put my emotions out there and not see her again. I also don't know if i should keep contact in the time in between. Its not like our talks are "friends" talks. Any advice appreciated.
TaraMaiden Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 An ex who i consider to be the love of my life and since we broke it off has never stopped contacting me, most of which i ignored but i recently gave in and we both poured all our emotions out. we talked about everything. Whenever we talk its like time has never passed. The problem is she has a bf and lives far away. She is on the outs with him so she says. I don't want to keep talking to her while shes with someone. She is coming to visit over the summer and wants to meet up with me. I do want to see her again. I'm just not sure if its worth it. Of course she would have to be single. She's somebody I really care for or I wouldn't even consider it. I just don't want to see her for a week put my emotions out there and not see her again. I also don't know if i should keep contact in the time in between. Its not like our talks are "friends" talks. Any advice appreciated. tell her that unless she is coming to see you completely single, and with the sole purpose of you two trying again, and re-establishing a relationship - you are not interested. Tell her to only contact you if she really want you both to try again. if you don't get that message from her right off, you're going No Contact, and you don't want to hear from her for any other reason at all. So please, if that's not her motive, leave you alone, and quit bugging you, because every time she contacts you just to hang out on the phone, she rips the stitches out and won't give you a chance to heal. "Get out of my life, so I can get over you. if you don't want me, leave me be." Ok go for it.
PegNosePete Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Don't be a backup plan. If she thought of you as the love of her life then she wouldn't have another BF. She obviously doesn't think as much of you, as you do of her.
Author Jay34 Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 Thanks great advice. one thing im confused about is if i would even give it another go with her. I'd be nervous.
TaraMaiden Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 No, you don't. You'd be right to be nervous. Those nerves are based on mistrust, doubt and uncertainty. The only time you commit to a second chance is if they do everything possible within their power - and then some - to prove to you that they are truly contrite and totally committed. Otherwise, do the 180, start walking - and keep walking.
Author Jay34 Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 Agreed if she wants it bad enough in time i will know. right now just telling me about visiting and maybe this and maybe that is just words. I'll give it a chance when shes single and shes literally knocking on my door. avoid the bs right?
TaraMaiden Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Yup. And right now, I can smell it from here. And I believe I'm on a different continent.....
whatadeer26 Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 My ex and I after 3 months of LC to NC ran into each other out at a club. We decided a few days later we would start again. I am 3 weeks into us starting again. At times it feels like when we first started dating and were in love. At others I am nervous because of my distrust. With time I am learning to trust her again. What TM said is exactly how you should approach the situation. TM always gives great advice.
Author Jay34 Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 Good luck whatadeer. i hope i can get to wear you are.
durkadurka Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 (edited) Agreed if she wants it bad enough in time i will know. right now just telling me about visiting and maybe this and maybe that is just words. I'll give it a chance when shes single and shes literally knocking on my door. avoid the bs right? Bro bro bro, I feel your pain. My ex invited me to visit her in a half assed attempt to patch things up. I went down there, worked my butt off, wrote her a nice note, offered to move down with her, and simply flew down there (which is more than she deserved). Then she had the balls to tell me I didn't want to talk about it so she's moved on and is seeing someone else. The reality is this: It takes two to tango. You both need to want it badly enough. The second one steps up to the plate and the other one doesn't, it sets the foundation for another unbalanced and unhealthy relationship. Edited September 29, 2010 by durkadurka
Author Jay34 Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 thanks durka durka. for now im not going to jump into and im still not going to contact her. when and if i realize she really wants it then i would definitely give it a shot. relationships are so difficult lol
durkadurka Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 thanks durka durka. for now im not going to jump into and im still not going to contact her. when and if i realize she really wants it then i would definitely give it a shot. relationships are so difficult lol Yeah, the thing is if it isn't really obvious then she isn't going to give it all she has. That's why it felt like such a kick in the groin when my ex said to me 'you didn't want to talk about our relationship'. Well apparently neither did you because you could have brought it up as well! Worthless endevour really.
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