littlelisa Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I have a relationship with an old boyfriend, who is now married with three children. He says he loves me, but he also says that if his wife found out about us, he would end the relationship with me. We have never (since he's been married) had sex and I want to keep it that way. But because of an occassion where we could have, he thinks its a possibility and says that he wants to go all the way with me next time. How can I tell him that I want to do this only when he decides that he wants to end his marriage and be with me? I don't want to give him an ultimatum, because I know he wants to stay with the kids until they are older. I need to find someone else, but I haven't been doing so good with that. I regret not telling him how I felt before the wedding. Now I have to live with this feeling that I let him get away. He wants to get a webcam so we can see each other. I just don't want to cross the line and sleep with him because I don't want the extra feelings of guilt. I told him that I could live with being a family friend. But he said that she knows about our relationship and forbids friendship with me. So why is he doing this behind her back?
TaraMaiden Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 He's having an emotional affair, and it's cheating. And you are party to it. You need to write him a letter telling him in no uncertain terms that there is nothing between you, and there never will be while he has a wedding band on his finger and a legal document that says he's married to someone else. If he wants to put it about, tell him to find some other plaything. You're not that woman. You don't play that game, but you play for keeps. Tell him you will be happy to stay in touch - once the divorce is final. Not before, and certainly not during his marriage. And the finding someone else hasn't been a great success, because your heart hasn't been in it. Send him that letter, cut off all contact until it's as you specify - and start living your life, for you. Not on a back-burner, for him.
bentnotbroken Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 You can admit it or not, but you are the ow and not having sex with him doesn't change that fact. Either you want to be a third party to his marriage and adding to the truama there or you don't.
In_Repair Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 It's all or nothing, anything in between is an affair. Don't do that to yourself. Screw what he wants. Do what is best for you, and end it now. If you want to leave the door open to a future with him, then do it. Tell him how you feel... and then say goodbye until he is at least physically separated from his wife. Even then, refuse to date him unless the wife has full knowledge of it.
camel's toe Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Try to just get out of this situation and enjoy your life. The more you tell em the more it gets involved and emotional. Walk away. He is free to do what he has to do and come after you if he wants that. Let go of him. If you can remove him from your life, do it. I wish I could remove my "wannabe" MM from mine but we work together so in some instances what you have to do is try to limit things. In the past with MM I removed them from my life totally. In one case it was lucky cos I changed jobs which meant I'd never have to see him again and I didn't ever speak to him again for several years until a chance random meeting by which time it was well over. In another I just ignored all texts. Out of sight out of mind.
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