dg1980 Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Hello all, I will keep this as short as possible. I've been married for eight years, which we married very young she was 19 and I 21. We just started the adoption process on a 2 year old girl that was left in our, we have no other children. A couple nights ago we had a conversation that basically resulted in us discussing separation and a possible divorce in the future. She says she loves me but is not in love, she is not always attracted to me (which is understandable), She feels like we don't connect on a sexual level and there is no passion (with the exception of a couple times), she is torn because she feels it is not fair to me because even though we are best friends and great partners she can't love me like I love her. Also, us being parents abruptly has empowered her her and has made her a little stronger. She is also going through the married young thing where she wants to go out, be responsible for herself, get a tattoo-which is why I agreed to the separation so she can have her freedom, but is the way the marriage has always been but she has guilt issues. Another one of her issues is only having one boyfriend before me. The separation part is strange due to our soon to be daughter and us having to "be together for the state" which is why we agreed to an in home separation where I sleep on the couch, let her do her thing but always love our daughter together. There has been absolutely no cheating in our marriage, I know that for a fact and have absolutely no reason not to trust her. We're trying to resolve this as maturely as possible and have been being brutally honest with each other. I told her last night I love her and I'm willing to do anything for our marriage. She doesn't know if she was ever in love with me, but felt a strong connection when we met that has strengthened over our 8 years. One thing worth mentioning is she has had a very rough childhood and doesn't know if she is capable of loving nor does she know what love is. I want my marriage for life...what does this sound like, should I love her even more (if that's possible), I've quit smoking and started working out-can't hurt. Thanks in advance
What_Next Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 dg1980, I know you have said there is no cheating, but I respectfully disagree. There might not be a physical affair yet, but she is already attracted to someone else.
Author dg1980 Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 that's very interesting-thanks for the input
nobmagnet Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 hi, Welcome to loveshack. Sorry you had to find us but i hope the smashing people on here can help you in some way:love: Now as the previous poster intamated............having heard that kind of line before.............ILYBNILWY. (i love you but not in love with you) It is usually because they have had their eyes opened by another. Im sorry. Please dont dismiss our comments as unthinkable. Nobody would like to be wrong more than me. I would suggest that you try to pursuade her to attend couples councilling with you if you havent already. You sound a sencible calm chap so just try to see if she accepts. please let us know if you tried it yet? nobby xx:love:
Author dg1980 Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 well, she's actually the one who wants to get counseling-self and marriage, if that's any ray of sunshine?
nobmagnet Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 :) Yes its a great start. Get it organised as soon as possible. In the mean time, its important do be vidulant, notice little things to youself and make a mental note. Locking phones if she doesnt normally, being on the internet more than normal that sort of thing. There is no need to be too paraniod but sometimes we miss some clues on changing behaviour. Councilling only works if both parties are completely open and honest. If at the beginning you dont feel comfortable talking infront of your wife then its perfectly normal to go alone sometimes. In time it will be easier to open up. chin up chuck you are doing well xx nobby x
Confused9 Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Good luck to you. Either way, I hope that you end up happy. I think that when things like this happen that there is generally someone that the spouse is interested, could totally be an emotianl affair at this point. But, and again, generally speaking there is usally something that is pulling her further from you and it's usually another person. There is hope, but it's definately something you are going to need to work out. She will probably get pizzed that you even bring up an affair, but usually the more pizzed they get the more guilty they are, at least in my experience. For you, and the sake of your marriage and new baby girl...I hope I am wrong. Hang in there...this is a GREAT place to get lots of advice.
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