stillafool Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I am starting to notice something, not sure if you've experienced this or not, but I'm starting to notice anyone who are "couples", let's say there's a GROUP of couples and some of these people you know maybe as close friends or something, however they won't include you in their groups or what-not because you are "Single" Like there was this special interest group I wanted to join, and the ONE thing I noticed about it, was the fact that EVERY single member of the "club" was coupled up. I had asked if I could join up with them, and was blown off or ignored. I think I made a post about this in the past of another costuming group that said "Single men were threats to their women folk" or something like that, but is there some kind of trend were couples don't feel comfortable around singles? I think it has been this way forever. I've noticed among my married women friends that the moment an attractive single woman wants to hang out with the group, they become tense as if they are afraid she will steal their husbands. I think men feel the same way about the single guy when hanging in a group that includes their wives or gfs.
Cee Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I think it has been this way forever. I've noticed among my married women friends that the moment an attractive single woman wants to hang out with the group, they become tense as if they are afraid she will steal their husbands. I think men feel the same way about the single guy when hanging in a group that includes their wives or gfs. Maybe some of the tension is also that the married people are jealous of singles. You know, the grass is greener on the other side thing. I guess it can go the other way, but I'm never jealous of married people.
stillafool Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Maybe some of the tension is also that the married people are jealous of singles. You know, the grass is greener on the other side thing. I guess it can go the other way, but I'm never jealous of married people. Cee if you read my post again you will see this is what I said.
Stung Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 I am starting to notice something, not sure if you've experienced this or not, but I'm starting to notice anyone who are "couples", let's say there's a GROUP of couples and some of these people you know maybe as close friends or something, however they won't include you in their groups or what-not because you are "Single" Like there was this special interest group I wanted to join, and the ONE thing I noticed about it, was the fact that EVERY single member of the "club" was coupled up. I had asked if I could join up with them, and was blown off or ignored. I think I made a post about this in the past of another costuming group that said "Single men were threats to their women folk" or something like that, but is there some kind of trend were couples don't feel comfortable around singles? I've heard of this, but I honestly haven't noticed it much in my real life. Maybe it's the circles I move in, mostly fairly liberal, geeky or artsy types. Now I am married and most of my friends are couples, but that's because they have been my friends for years and they happen to have coupled up as I have. I still have a few friends who are single, divorced or dating or whatever, and we hang out with them too and it's never weird. I trust my husband and know I am the apple of his eye, and vice versa-- there are no wandering eye/latent jealousy issues. While it's definitely harder to get out and about now because of the kids my husband and I both think it's important for us to get to see our friends at least sometimes to maintain our identities as individuals beyond just 'wife/husband' and 'mom/dad.'
lilbunny Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 All my closest friends are married. I'm as much involved with the women as with the men. Heck, sometimes I talk more with the wives than their husbands (my 'primary' male friends). Personally I think we gravitate to the social conditions we most desire. I enjoyed being married and have always had couple friends even when single. YMMV. BTW, one of my friend's wives gave me her sister's phone number this past weekend and said 'call her; you and she need to go out sometime' Neither myself nor my ex-wife (as far as I know) ever felt uncomfortable with single friends. Everyone was welcomed at our table. I'm sort of on the same page with this one. My best friend of over 25 years is with someone. Her bf is a relaxed and easy going sort of guy and I can quite happily sit and have a coffee with him if she has to pop out, or all go for a drink, lunch etc. I can't say I was ever like that with her ex, but that was a personality thing rather than any single exclusion zone and when I was in a couple and she was still with him it didn't really work either. Perhaps it comes down to how we interact with people and the level of trust.
D-Lish Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 I don't have any single friends, it's tough. I had such a rich social life in the past- we had a good group of friends, a mix of singles and couples. It worked out well when we had a balance of both... But eventually everyone partnered up....THEN the kids started to come.... Since then, hanging out is a lost cause. We do lunches, the odd hockey night, dinner four times a year... But that's it. I think once the kids come, you start feeling more alienated than ever if you don't have kids. That seems to be the glue that ties our group together now- the kid's parties, the mom groups... I don't get invited to those things- and why would I? I also wouldn't want to go... My once wild gf recently met a guy, got engaged immediately and traded in her downtown condo for a house in the burbs... She texted me last Saturday- "hey, why don't you come by for a drink and see the new house tonight?" I felt bad, but I had zero inclination to hop in my car and drive an hour to the burbs to have a glass of merlot and talk about decorating, gardening and wedding flowers. I find nothing appealing about that as a single person. I think if I actually found a guy I wanted to get serious with, that I would probably feel more comfortable hanging out with other couples. I have to admit I do feel awkward being the only single person in my friend group.
Crazy Magnet Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Maybe I'm in the minority but my group of friends is a mix of couples and singles. We all became friends as single women and men, and as we have gained SOs, they have also become a part our group. Sometimes my BF and I are the only couple at group events and sometimes it's 99% couples with one or two single people there. We have group dinners, trips, go out to bars/dancing, art shows, live music. The venue changes but we are all always welcome. The girls in my group still get together and have girl's only time, but it doesn't matter if some of us are coupled up and others are not. My BF has one married couple friend and everyone else he knows is completely single (meaning don't even have a BF or GF). He goes out with them without me usually once per week. It's a mix of single men and women. This weekend my BF and I invited out two of my single girl friends. Just the four of us. It's not weird at all. Edit: None of us have children and range in age from 27 to 39.
Stung Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 I don't know if it's normal or healthy, it's just my observation. Whenever I ask a male friend to do something (along with his wife -- I've given up asking them to do anything alone), the inevitable answer is "I'll check with my wife." " Well, idk why the wives are habitually giving you the fish eye, that sounds like a whole separate issue to me. My husband usually checks with me before he commits to doing something with his friends. That's because 1.) he uses me as his calendar because he never remembers if he has other events or obligations and 2.) we do have young children and they're a lot of work and require pre-planning and cooperation. Like most of my married female friends with kids, I also check with my husband before I commit to hanging out with them--but only for reason #2. I am my own calendar.
Author irc333 Posted September 30, 2010 Author Posted September 30, 2010 Looks like we have another troll in the forum....that was years ago, dude....I found some new friends now. ;-) I moved on. LOL I always use the excuse "Sorry my wife won't let me" when I don't want to hang out with someone. Man are you naiive. Sounds like no one wants to hang with you. You need to get a girlfriend pronto, then all these worries of yours will disappear.
D-Lish Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Looks like we have another troll in the forum....that was years ago, dude....I found some new friends now. ;-) I moved on. Why focus on the troll? A lot of posters responded with some personal experiences, (including me), and you focus on an antagonist.
Stung Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 My once wild gf recently met a guy, got engaged immediately and traded in her downtown condo for a house in the burbs... She texted me last Saturday- "hey, why don't you come by for a drink and see the new house tonight?" I felt bad, but I had zero inclination to hop in my car and drive an hour to the burbs to have a glass of merlot and talk about decorating, gardening and wedding flowers. I find nothing appealing about that as a single person. . If you ever come over for wine, D, I will try my best not to bore you to tears. We can talk about sex, drugs, AND rock 'n roll.
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