irc333 Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I am starting to notice something, not sure if you've experienced this or not, but I'm starting to notice anyone who are "couples", let's say there's a GROUP of couples and some of these people you know maybe as close friends or something, however they won't include you in their groups or what-not because you are "Single" Like there was this special interest group I wanted to join, and the ONE thing I noticed about it, was the fact that EVERY single member of the "club" was coupled up. I had asked if I could join up with them, and was blown off or ignored. I think I made a post about this in the past of another costuming group that said "Single men were threats to their women folk" or something like that, but is there some kind of trend were couples don't feel comfortable around singles?
nothappyjan Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I am now for the first time in 25 years in a relationship so i can see both sides of the story. I agree when ur single u are more excluded in couple situations but now im also a bit guilty of not wanting to hang around single females with my bf who i dont know well. If they are my friends who i already trust its no worries and i make sure my single friends are invited to stuff but i am a jealous type and feel a bit more secure around other couples. Actually i was pointing out to my bf the other day that now we are a couple we automatically seem to attract other couples and its almost like 2 groups are formed at parties or events one for singles and one for couples.
Sphere Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 A few of my friends are in a relationship and I never see them anymore, they go out, sure, but out with other coupels. Us singletons stick together.
EasyHeart Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Absolutely true, but it's nothing new -- it's been going on for my whole life (and probably for thousands of years). IME, women in couples usually control the couple's social life. Coupled women do not want rogue males in the group, because the coupled women think the single men will be a bad influence on their coupled men. Some single women who are known to the coupled women may be deemed "safe" and are welcome in the group (and are almost always less attractive than the couple woman), but single men are almost never welcome in coupled society.
tincanman99 Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 (edited) Yep this is true. The majority of my friends are married and I am generally excluded now. Some have gone as far as no longer contacting me at all. Its like I have the plague . I have seen the acceptance of single women and the exclusion of single men first hand. With the women its like they are pitied but with men they are regarded as dysfunctional. At first it bothered me when I realized it was going on. But now I dont care. So now I torture all my married male friends with exploits of going out and doing whatever I want when I want. No checking with the wife or begging for forgiveness. Their lives revolve around house maintenance, shuttling children to activities and having sex once a month if that. Sounds exciting Edited September 29, 2010 by tincanman99
Author irc333 Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 Right, like when was the last time a bunch of your couples friends invited you out saying, "Hey wanna go dancin' with us?" Not that often (or at all) right? lol Their lives revolve around house maintenance, shuttling children to activities and having sex once a month if that. Sounds exciting LOL...High 5 man! Yep this is true. The majority of my friends are married and I am generally excluded now. Some have gone as far as no longer contacting me at all. Its like I have the plague . I have seen the acceptance of single women and the exclusion of single men first hand. With the women its like they are pitied but with men they are regarded as dysfunctional. At first it bothered me when I realized it was going on. But now I dont care. So now I torture all my married male friends with exploits of going out and doing whatever I want when I want. No checking with the wife or begging for forgiveness. Their lives revolve around house maintenance, shuttling children to activities and having sex once a month if that. Sounds exciting
Cee Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 The single person/couple friendship dynamic is interesting. I've been long-term single and when I socialize with a couple, I feel like I am not hanging with 2 separate people. I used to put up with it, but now I believe friendship needs to be a one-on-one thing. I'm fine with hanging out with couples at parties and group events, but when I invite a friend to spend time with me, their SO is not invited. It might sound harsh, but the system works well. If somebody HAS to bring their SO to hang with me, then clearly we aren't friends. And I stop putting an effort into the friendship.
Lovelybird Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Rather than say they don't like to include me in, I would like to say I really don't like to hang around couples who aren't friendly. when I see some intense face expression from the woman, it makes me feel uncomfortable. One time a woman's husband looked into my eyes and spoke for a while, this woman instantly made some awkward sarcastic smiles to others around, and I don't like to be around couples like that. but i guess it is human nature, there is always not enough TRUST. On the other hand, when I am in the coupledom and another woman approach, usually I try to act natural as usual, but maybe sometimes they take advantage of this
Woggle Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 It doesn't bother me but the issue of women hating their husbands and boyfriends having single friends is very true. I am married and some women hate their husbands hanging around me. They don't want their husbands to see signs of life out there.
Pyro Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 A couple of my closest friends are single and they are always welcomed in the group. Years ago when I was single I was seen as a threat by the GF (now married) at the time of a friend. She thought I would be a bad influence on him and take him to strip clubs and get him to cheat on her.
Author irc333 Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 Yeh, I have this 'Whipped" married male friend....some of us hadn't seen him ina while...and a new movie was coming out, he was a big nerd (the Wolverine movie), and it started at 8 pm, we asked him to join us, and he goes, "My wife comes home at 9pm so I need tobe around when she gets home" And we're thinking "Um....why?, cant she wait another stinking hour for you??" I wonder if those "spouses that don't like you hanging out with other people" is a sign the marraige will fail? It doesn't bother me but the issue of women hating their husbands and boyfriends having single friends is very true. I am married and some women hate their husbands hanging around me. They don't want their husbands to see signs of life out there.
Woggle Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Then these same wives get angry when their husbands raise concern about their manhating friends. I experienced this in my first marriage. My friends were all wrong but her friends who encouraged her to cheat were perfectly okay.
Pyro Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Yeh, I have this 'Whipped" married male friend....some of us hadn't seen him ina while...and a new movie was coming out, he was a big nerd (the Wolverine movie), and it started at 8 pm, we asked him to join us, and he goes, "My wife comes home at 9pm so I need tobe around when she gets home" And we're thinking "Um....why?, cant she wait another stinking hour for you??" I wonder if those "spouses that don't like you hanging out with other people" is a sign the marraige will fail? My brother has a friend who acts (or is) whipped everytime he gets a GF. When single he is fun to be around and always wants to go out but in a relationship he will only do things when she is out of work and is free to join them. FTR he is divorced.........
Author irc333 Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 Easy Heart, is this healthy or normal.....I find it rather disturbing if the person has the need to "control" the social aspects with others. Of course the hubby might go a long with it so he won't loose the opportunity for sex either I suppose or just does it to please their mate....because I really don't hear about the spouse putting up much of a fight by saying, "He's my friend, and if I want to hang with him for an evening, then so be it!" I had a guy friend that kept friggin canceling plans because his wife would want them to do something else that same day at the LAST min. I no longer hang with him anymore, twas a shame. Absolutely true, but it's nothing new -- it's been going on for my whole life (and probably for thousands of years). IME, women in couples usually control the couple's social life. Coupled women do not want rogue males in the group, because the coupled women think the single men will be a bad influence on their coupled men. Some single women who are known to the coupled women may be deemed "safe" and are welcome in the group (and are almost always less attractive than the couple woman), but single men are almost never welcome in coupled society.
Author irc333 Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 Yeah, I often hear from the husband when it comes to purchasing things, he would make "joking" remarks, "Well, I have to talk to the 'boss' about it...see what she has to say, she has control over the finances" (Yeah, there's a disaster in the making, having the woman of the family having control over finances, LOL" So he couldn't make any purchases unless he has her approval. I'm in sales, and well, I get soo many whipped men stating that their "wives have the final say"...of course, it's a good excuse to get out of a sales pitch, too. lol It is hard to decipher wether it's an "act" or not though...but I feel, deep down,we have one depressed spouse. My brother has a friend who acts (or is) whipped everytime he gets a GF. When single he is fun to be around and always wants to go out but in a relationship he will only do things when she is out of work and is free to join them. FTR he is divorced.........
Pyro Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Yeah, I often hear from the husband when it comes to purchasing things, he would make "joking" remarks, "Well, I have to talk to the 'boss' about it...see what she has to say, she has control over the finances" (Yeah, there's a disaster in the making, having the woman of the family having control over finances, LOL" So he couldn't make any purchases unless he has her approval. I'm in sales, and well, I get soo many whipped men stating that their "wives have the final say"...of course, it's a good excuse to get out of a sales pitch, too. lol It is hard to decipher wether it's an "act" or not though...but I feel, deep down,we have one depressed spouse. For some guys though they suck at finnances and having your SO give the OK can be a good thing in a case like that, but very true on what you said as well.
Woggle Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 As much as I might doubt my marriage at times this thread really makes me appreciate my wife. I can go out and do pretty much whatever I want without getting the 3rd degree and it makes me never want to cheat. I will never betray a person's trust like that.
EasyHeart Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Easy Heart, is this healthy or normal.....I find it rather disturbing if the person has the need to "control" the social aspects with others.I don't know if it's normal or healthy, it's just my observation. Whenever I ask a male friend to do something (along with his wife -- I've given up asking them to do anything alone), the inevitable answer is "I'll check with my wife." And I've long-noticed that the wives seem really uncomfortable with me there and give me weird looks. Sometimes it helps to suck up to the wife, but not too often. I've even asked some wives about it and they usually say something like "I just never think to invite you" or "I'm sure you don't want to hang out with married people."
PJKino Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 (edited) Im the only single guy in my social circle all my friends are married so sometimes its rough hangign out with only couples as the only single guy.. I get along fine with most of their wives theyre like my sisters so i dont feel like im in theway or intruding or anything hanging with them but i usually wait for them to call me nowadays or i just figure therye hanging out by themselves or doing couple hangouts.. Only one of my friends is really whipped to where everytime were hanging out or partying his wife like clockwork gets tired etxremely early and wants to leave and evne though he wants to stay later he never argues with her.. Edited September 29, 2010 by PJKino
Knittress Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Big gripe of mine. Thanks you for allowing me the opportunity to whine. The fact that all my friends were in couples wasn't a problem until I myself was single. Now the women seem on edge when I'm around their menfolk, even if they're there too! ::sigh:: Also, I'm beginning to get this feeling that they're irritated/suspicious that I haven't gotten a new man by now. Like it's socially awkward and I'm to blame, as if a guy is some kind of hostess gift I neglected to pick up on the way over.
Lovelybird Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I think some women will get offended by both you paying attention to their husband, and don't pay attention to their husband at all.
Knittress Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I think some women will get offended by both you paying attention to their husband, and don't pay attention to their husband at all. Seriously. There's no winning. Unless you want to spend your entire life sitting alone in your living room you're got to be friendly. Loads of women don't like others being friendly within a five-foot radius of their man, but it's not like you can say - "Are you KIDDING me?! Who on EARTH would want to bang that?! Oh... yeah... you...."
aerogurl87 Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I don't have this problem, lol. My boyfriend hangs out with his single and coupled guy friends all the time. It's no biggie as I trust him and even if they were to try and convince him to stray or something I know he wouldn't listen to them. I don't tell him he has to ask permission to hang out with them but he does all the time out of respect for me he says. But that may also be because 90% of the time he knows I'll say it's fine unless he plans to be out really late and he has to go to work really early the next morning.
threebyfate Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 No problems with singles. Our group has both couples and singles. I will confess to matchmaking in the past but stopped doing it since it's a form of directive interference if unsolicited. If solicited, game on!
carhill Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 All my closest friends are married. I'm as much involved with the women as with the men. Heck, sometimes I talk more with the wives than their husbands (my 'primary' male friends). Personally I think we gravitate to the social conditions we most desire. I enjoyed being married and have always had couple friends even when single. YMMV. BTW, one of my friend's wives gave me her sister's phone number this past weekend and said 'call her; you and she need to go out sometime' Neither myself nor my ex-wife (as far as I know) ever felt uncomfortable with single friends. Everyone was welcomed at our table.
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