heartbroken

[unsure24]

I posted this somewhere else, but as it's my first time using the forum, i think i messed up and should have posted it here.

 

Hi everyone. It's a long story but I'll try to make it as short as possible. I could really use some advice.

 

I met this guy a year ago and we started dating. Things were amazing. He treated me really well. He made me feel wonderful about myself. And, I loved him. We exchanged "I love you's." And talked about getting married. We even went looking at rings together.

 

5 months into the relationship, everything has changed. We end up breaking up at this point, but we talk about it and get back together about a week later.

 

Things are great for a while. Then it starts to seem like we're just going through the motions and I see him starting to make future plans without me. Like buying a house without consulting me. Taking time off without being concerned whether I would have that time off. And, he's just wasn't as caring anymore.

 

One day, it all builds up and we get into a fight over it. We decide that even tho we still love each other, it's not going to work out. So we break up. After a few days, I'm heartbroken and wondering if it was the right decision. I talk to him, and beg him to take me back. He says no.

 

That was a month ago. We talked and saw each other sporadically. Every time we saw each other, he would hug me, and snuggle with me, and try to kiss me. But that was it.

 

Then, I decide to go no contact, for my own sake. That lasts for a little over a week. He calls me. I'm real short, but polite, with him on the phone. We hang up. Then he sends me a text later that night. It says that he's sorry if he upset me. He was just missing me.

 

After about an hour of staring at the text, I called him. I told him to just please stop contacting me. He sounded like I'd just kicked him in the gut. I feel bad, because I don't want to hurt him either. So, we end up talking for a while, and he ends up coming over to my house. We stay up until three in the morning talking. He lives in a bad neighborhood, so I told him he could stay and go home in the morning. Overnight, we just snuggle. No sex; no kissing. He tells me that he's having a hard time sleeping without me. He misses me every day. He still loves me. But he doesn't know why we just don't work. But then follows it up with, I wish I could spend every night this week with you. We finally get tired enough to go to sleep, and he kisses me on my forehead and says "goodnight beautiful."

 

The next day he texts me to tell me how tired he is. I say me too. And, now I haven't heard anything.

 

What is he doing? Does he still love me and miss me? Or is he just trying to keep his options open by keeping me hanging on? What should I do?

[durkadurka]

Gonna say the same thing I always say.

 

Guy just can't make up his ****ing mind.

 

Here's the one golden rule with a guy, some guys do it all differently but this generally holds true.

 

Guys love the girl that they date. We really do. The problem is that we're often uncertain, about you, about ourselves, and if you're in your early to mid 20s.. life in general is just uncertain.

 

So, we retreat into what I've affectionately refer to as our 'man cave'.

 

At this point sweetheart, we know we want you, we just don't know if we want the life in front of us.

 

At this point it really becomes a team effort, you either get back on the same page and push through it together or get the **** out.

 

Don't do what I did, which is not put all my cards on the table.

[unsure24]

Don't do what I did, which is not put all my cards on the table.

 

Thanks Durka. We're in our late 20s; but both still in school. He's got a job lined up for next year while I'm still looking right now. Both jobs would be temporary (3-4yrs), as it's really just more training. He's always said that he wanted to move after that, which I was fine with.

 

I think I've laid my cards out on the table. I think he knows that I probably would try again. Although, I haven't said it since the day I begged him to take me back.

 

Also, I just wanted to point out that even though we haven't been physical with each other since the split, he always attempts to every time he sees me. I just won't let it happen beyond snuggling. It would just make me feel used.

[durkadurka]

Thanks Durka. We're in our late 20s; but both still in school. He's got a job lined up for next year while I'm still looking right now. Both jobs would be temporary (3-4yrs), as it's really just more training. He's always said that he wanted to move after that, which I was fine with.

 

I think I've laid my cards out on the table. I think he knows that I probably would try again. Although, I haven't said it since the day I begged him to take me back.

 

Also, I just wanted to point out that even though we haven't been physical with each other since the split, he always attempts to every time he sees me. I just won't let it happen beyond snuggling. It would just make me feel used.

 

You shouldn't let it happen at all, holy mixed signals.

 

Anyways, until one of you has something firm to grasp onto your relationship is going to be in limbo.

 

That's what killed my relationship.

[shakez07]

Hey,

 

Well I'm a guy myself, and I'm pretty sure he misses you and still loves you. The way you guys ended things..it was a bad way to end things. But the fact that you guys still talk, and that he wants to come over and sleep over your house without any sex and all that, it's not 100 percent that he loves you, but it looks to me that he still loves you. The reason why he's not as caring no more, is probably because he's past the honey moon stage and just dealing with his life at hand. Late 20's still going to school and in the midst of building up a future can be stressful for anybody. He's probably just getting his life straighten out before he makes a true commitment. It sucks to promise the world to a girl without delivering. So be patient, stick it out, let him know your feelings without an argument.