rosegarden Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Okay so my boyfriend and I of a year and a half broke up officially 2 months ago. The first year of our relationship seemed almost perfect. But by the end we were fighting so much that he chose to break up with me. I was getting jealous that he was spending a lot more time at work because of his recent job promotion. I understand now that I was being too clingy and always wanted him around. He said he would really like the relationship to work, but he was at the ends of his rope and breaking up was the only way to see if the relationship could work again. He asked for space, and I tried to give it to him. But being desperate I would call him, text him, still talk to him at work and at times drive around to his friend's house to see if he was there. Clearly I haven't been giving him his space. I got caught about 4-5 times driving at his friend's neighborhood. 3 of those times being this past weekend. I realize now that it's not going to get him back. I wrote him a letter 2 nights ago, (he just read it yesterday) explaining how sorry I am and that I really need to work harder at accepting this break up and giving him space. I haven't heard from him yet (I don't expect to) and I have stopped driving around to his friend's house to see if he's there. Even though I may have broken his trust completely this past weekend by getting caught trying to find him, if I stop it all and give him his space, what do you guys think is the likelihood of us getting back together? Remember, he did say that he really wanted to try to make the relationship work... Thanks for taking the time to read my story and appreciate all the advice you all can offer.
Leandro Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 You should probably go NC. NC is not to get him back, its to help you heal and move on with your life. If he wants space then give him all the space he wants. He has to miss you but if you're all over him then he will not and it will help him move on faster. Go NC!
Billie The Puppet Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Okay so my boyfriend and I of a year and a half broke up officially 2 months ago. The first year of our relationship seemed almost perfect. But by the end we were fighting so much that he chose to break up with me. I was getting jealous that he was spending a lot more time at work because of his recent job promotion. I understand now that I was being too clingy and always wanted him around. He said he would really like the relationship to work, but he was at the ends of his rope and breaking up was the only way to see if the relationship could work again. He asked for space, and I tried to give it to him. But being desperate I would call him, text him, still talk to him at work and at times drive around to his friend's house to see if he was there. Clearly I haven't been giving him his space. I got caught about 4-5 times driving at his friend's neighborhood. 3 of those times being this past weekend. I realize now that it's not going to get him back. I wrote him a letter 2 nights ago, (he just read it yesterday) explaining how sorry I am and that I really need to work harder at accepting this break up and giving him space. I haven't heard from him yet (I don't expect to) and I have stopped driving around to his friend's house to see if he's there. Even though I may have broken his trust completely this past weekend by getting caught trying to find him, if I stop it all and give him his space, what do you guys think is the likelihood of us getting back together? Remember, he did say that he really wanted to try to make the relationship work... Thanks for taking the time to read my story and appreciate all the advice you all can offer. You know what chance is right? It's what makes casino's a huge profitable business. He is the casino you are the player. I'm a player as well even after being broken up for 2 months myself and in NC for 24 days or so I still have some sort of hope and am pining for a second chance. However I think I'm running out of chips and I can't go to the house to extend credit because they are no longer interested. If the break up is based on good terms IE cheating abuse etc was not involved it's just that one party has lost the feelings they once had they will say little things that give you your chips to play like what your ex has said. Mine has said - I love you, I'm unsure if I am in love with you right now(actions say's she is not) - I just want to be single (Otherwise available) - It's not you it's me (No it was me you fell out of love with not you) - You treated me like a girl should be treated (Then why leave? you want to be treated like dirt?) - If it's meant to be it will be (Or if it's not it won't)
pandagirl Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Instead of focusing on him, you should just focus on yourself. You're depending on him to make you happy, which is why you got clingy and insecure (this happened to me too!). Instead, figure out how to make yourself happy, and everything will fall into place.
Sambo Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 LOL Sorry but this one made me laugh. He wants someone that is different from who you really are !!! So why would you want to be with someone that doesn't like who you are at heart? Even if you stop the behaviors temporarily they will come out again. ! My advise is to find someone that likes who you are and be yourself and be loved for it.
xinchao123 Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 (edited) Dear rosegarden, I'm very sorry to hear that. I do sympathize for you a lot. From what you've said I guess you're still young, or might have little experience in this. that's totally understandable. Being clingy is never good for a relationship no matter one or both parties smothering each other. That said, I suggest you improve yourself at the moment, find some hobby, get in shape, make yourself busy.I mean you must have a full life yourself, and Please control yourself. I won't suggest go NC, Text/Call him once a week telling how you improve, not how you miss him deadly or stuff like that. The good thing is he does want to be with you, so you stand a very good chance getting him back. What you must do is to stop being so dependent on him, or anyone you will meet in future, this is for your own good and you must really stop it, completely. you got it ? Best of luck. Edited September 28, 2010 by xinchao123
Author rosegarden Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 You know what chance is right? It's what makes casino's a huge profitable business. He is the casino you are the player. I'm a player as well even after being broken up for 2 months myself and in NC for 24 days or so I still have some sort of hope and am pining for a second chance. However I think I'm running out of chips and I can't go to the house to extend credit because they are no longer interested. If the break up is based on good terms IE cheating abuse etc was not involved it's just that one party has lost the feelings they once had they will say little things that give you your chips to play like what your ex has said. Mine has said - I love you, I'm unsure if I am in love with you right now(actions say's she is not) - I just want to be single (Otherwise available) - It's not you it's me (No it was me you fell out of love with not you) - You treated me like a girl should be treated (Then why leave? you want to be treated like dirt?) - If it's meant to be it will be (Or if it's not it won't) I've gotten the if it's meant to be then we'll be together line from him and also him specifically telling me he does hope we can work it out in the future, but it doesn't seem to be working out at the moment. But those were all said before I went into panic mode. I panicked for about a month, and I realize now he's fed up with it. So if I go NC, will it work? Instead of focusing on him, you should just focus on yourself. You're depending on him to make you happy, which is why you got clingy and insecure (this happened to me too!). Instead, figure out how to make yourself happy, and everything will fall into place. Thank you, I am trying to work on myself, it's really hard when he's still in the back of my mind. LOL Sorry but this one made me laugh. He wants someone that is different from who you really are !!! So why would you want to be with someone that doesn't like who you are at heart? Even if you stop the behaviors temporarily they will come out again. ! My advise is to find someone that likes who you are and be yourself and be loved for it. But no one wants a clingy girlfriend, that's why I realized my mistakes and am willing to change. I hope he just sees that. And if it's not for him, then for the next guy I date. But he's a great catch, so I hope to make a relationship work with him. Dear rosegarden, I'm very sorry to hear that. I do sympathize for you a lot. From what you've said I guess you're still young, or might have little experience in this. that's totally understandable. Being clingy is never good for a relationship no matter one or both parties smothering each other. That said, I suggest you improve yourself at the moment, find some hobby, get in shape, make yourself busy.I mean you must have a full life yourself, and Please control yourself. I won't suggest go NC, Text/Call him once a week telling how you improve, not how you miss him deadly or stuff like that. The good thing is he does want to be with you, so you stand a very good chance getting him back. What you must do is to stop being so dependent on him, or anyone you will meet in future, this is for your own good and you must really stop it, completely. you got it ? Best of luck. I got what you're saying. But like I said above, I went to panic mode after he said he'd like a chance.The question is, even after panic mode for a month, will I still be in good standing for reconciliation?
Billie The Puppet Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 To me NC is working in terms of healing myself, it terms of getting her back it certainly isn't but it's not meant too.
Author rosegarden Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 To me NC is working in terms of healing myself, it terms of getting her back it certainly isn't but it's not meant too. Did she say anything along the lines of possibly working things out in the future?
Billie The Puppet Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Did she say anything along the lines of possibly working things out in the future? I made all the classic dumpee mistakes post break up. In limited contact before I started NC she said all the things I wanted to hear but also followed with stuff I didn't want to hear. I got the if it's meant to be line and she also said she is slowly figuring out what she wants. ( A month before the break up we were looking at engagement rings) I broke her trust throughout the relationship 2 times one of which when we first started a co worker stripped on webcam for me. It wasn't in my control and I ended the convo fast and even ended my friendship with the coworker to regain the trust of my ex. It took me a month to tell her about this but I was out of town and it was holiday season. The second time I was unknowingly logged into her email and saw an email from her to her current boss that was very flirtatious. Let's just say I was in a fluery and bombarded her with calls etc, she says this is not what ended our relationship but I have reason to believe it is. Despite that there have been times in lc that it seemed she wanted to reconcile but it hasn't worked out she just needs to be single is what she has claimed.
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