FeelAlone Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 My wife and I have been married for 16 years and have a daughter that is about to turn 9 years old. Our marriage has had its ups and downs as all do. My wife has told me several times throughout our marriage that I do not show her enough love and affection. I try my best but I am just not a super affection person. One thing that she recently noticed was I would come home after work and have a couple beers every day. She expressed her concerns about that and told me it needed to stop. Well I started to hide it and sneak a beer in and of course she could smell it on me when she got home. I finally stopped drinking all together for over three months to prove to her and me that it was not a problem. Approximately two months ago, I was sitting outside after a disagreement we had. She came up to me and told me she was done and was going to leave. Needless to say I lost it and began crying and I felt like U just got hit in the head with a baseball bat. We talked and I told her I never saw it coming. We go on vacations together and have a blast. Right before this happened we went away with our daughter and had a great time. Now after her telling me this it was like someone turned off a light switch with her feelings towards me. She has told me that she has a wall up and she does not know how to get rid of the feelings of resentment towards me. I have never cheated on her and I have never been abusive towards her. To give you a little more of a background, during the past 16 years I have been doing everything I can to provide for my family. I cook, I clean, take my daughter to all her school/sports functions, I take care of the house and pay mostly all the bills alone. I have always been taught strong family values. I have always focused on taking care of everything. When our daughter was born 9 years ago I think we both spent all our waking moments taking care of her and not focusing on our marriage. This has caused us to grow apart. My wife and I to go to counseling and we have gone 4 times. Everything was brought to the surface during the sessions. She will not let her wall down at all. I have told her I am willing to do anything to prove my love for her. Now some days she is so nice and some days she if very mean and says hurtful things to me. When we get along now and have a good time, she always ends the day saying," Just because we had a good day, it doesn't mean things are better." I am so confused and I am having a terrible time trying to cope. It is so hard to have someone you love right in front of you who won't let you into her heart. Does anyone have any suggestion? Comments?
Don Ho Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Continue the counseling. Work on yourself. Be a MAN, but show a little more affection; hold her hand, touch her arm, give her a hug around the house and so on. Don't turn into a spineless wuss, she won't respect you. She's going to be up and down with you. Don't expect it to change overnight.
Author FeelAlone Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 Thanks for the reply. I am trying to take the high road on this. It's hard being a doormat in my own house. I have never had these many emotions running through my mind at one time.
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