strangeways Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 16 days NC, up and down as everyone seems to be, but I've felt like I'm coping. Today feels like the worst day so far. Really struggling. I won't contact her but just want her to contact me. Iv'e been sitting with a colleague working on a problem and I just suddenly felt overwhelmed with sadness. Couldn't take in what he was saying. Had to get up and go for a walk after he'd left to try and calm down. Helped a bit but I'm left with this feeling now. Thought I was starting to feel better but it feels like the day she told me. Guess it's normal but I just don't want to feel this way anymore and despite trying new things and trying to keep busy and see friends I feel like I've gone backwards. Anyway, just needed to get that out.
Billie The Puppet Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 I'm on day 24 of NC, the fact that we are still counting obviously means we still don't want to move on but yeah we have those ups and downs. What helps me is planning something to look forward to each week and when you are feeling down and out remind yourself of it.
Author strangeways Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 God, how I want to move on. I thought I'd convinced myself I was ready to move on. Why can't I just get it into my thick head it's over. I've got things planned but some of them like visiting my sister she would have come with me. Don't get me wrong I'm looking forward to see her, haven't seen her or her family for a while and the kids love going to see their cousins but I worry that I'm going to be a jibbering wreck while I'm there.
Billie The Puppet Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 God, how I want to move on. I thought I'd convinced myself I was ready to move on. Why can't I just get it into my thick head it's over. I've got things planned but some of them like visiting my sister she would have come with me. Don't get me wrong I'm looking forward to see her, haven't seen her or her family for a while and the kids love going to see their cousins but I worry that I'm going to be a jibbering wreck while I'm there. I went to a hockey game on the weekend, my ex was also in attendance (I saw her but she didn't see me, I was down most of the game because it was something I would have done with her) I have another game to go to this Wednesday with a girl I have always had a thing for and yet again my ex will be in attendance. My ex bought tickets to the same games as me and she knew the games I was going to at the time too. This past weekend I celebrated my cousins birthday and everyone was in couples except for myself. Again my ex would have been there had we still been together. You can't avoid it you just need to train your mind to think of something else. It's hard. I rather take almost any other physical pain over this heart break. (Obviously not severing of limbs but heart break is pain that lasts) I know it is over yet for whatever reason I am holding onto something that doesn't exist. I mean I went NC for 24 days so far but so has she last time we talked we had a big argument in which I sent a letter telling her not to contact me so she is respecting that. You see I acted on signals she was sending me but it failed horribly. I'm not the one that needs to be doing the chasing which sucks because it means it is out of my control now.
fabio10 Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Your right to get it off your chest, Im just over a week and abit I think I dont really count , but just remember use this breakup as a kickstart you were on one road now you are at a crossroads and only you can decide which road you will take, of course you will feel down from time to time, but look at it for what it was a relationship that at this moment in time didnt work possibly for a variety of reasons orginating from both sides dont blame yourself, GET THE WHAT IFs out of your head easier said than done I know, Im far from a expert and am healing but they way I look at it is if they truely wanted us they would try and move the moon to make it happen, and you know what I wish my ex girl all the best but at this moment in time it just would not work between us roll on the future
D-Lish Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Back-sliding is normal after an intense break up. It's barely been 2 weeks, so it's still really early. You can't possibly heal overnight, so don't place any unreasonable expectations upon yourself. I find that initially, it helps to embrace the grief as it comes, not ignore it. Dealing with it head on helps the process along. Before long, you'll find that the bad days become fewer and further apart.
Ajax Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 I'm on day 26 of NC, five weeks since the breakup. I also thought I'd be doing better than I am by now. Every so often I sink back to the place I was immediately after the breakup and I don't know why. Part of it for me is anxiety. I imagine her living it up, going out with and possibly sleeping with other guys, and that twists my stomach in knots. When I was with her I was the happiest I've ever been, and since she left it's been the darkest month of my life. Two months ago I did not see this as how my life would be right now. It's funny how quickly things can change, but I'm hoping that goes both ways. I see myself in two months still being lonely and missing her, but maybe... just maybe something will happen to bring me back up. I think we might all just have to plod along from day to day for a while.
Author strangeways Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 I guess I've been papering over the craps like someone suggested in my original thread. Just can't control the emotions sometimes. Yeah, only two weeks but I'm an impatient so and so. Funny thing is I feel really calm now. I guess I have to let go when I have these moments, embrace them and see them for what they are, grieving for something that's died.
Author strangeways Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 Ajax I have the same anxieties regarding her living it up, being with someone else, talking with them about stuff we used to talk about, sex etc etc. I'm lucky in many ways as I have two lovely kids that always put a smile on my face. Maybe that's why I'm calm now. I'm off soon to pick them up and they're staying with me for a couple of days. Puts things into perspective for me. Doesn't stop me feeling the way I do but I have that priority in my life that help me through.
D-Lish Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 I guess I've been papering over the craps like someone suggested in my original thread. Just can't control the emotions sometimes. Yeah, only two weeks but I'm an impatient so and so. Funny thing is I feel really calm now. I guess I have to let go when I have these moments, embrace them and see them for what they are, grieving for something that's died. It honestly helps to embrace the emotions as they come. I used to try and avoid the pain- but I finally asked myself "what's the worst thing that could happen if I face it? I'll cry? Probably feel calmer after?" It gets easier and easier. Don't beat yourself up for feeling like you do! It's horribly frustrating to want to be over something so bad, but your emotions won't cooperate.
PegNosePete Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 It honestly helps to embrace the emotions as they come. I used to try and avoid the pain- but I finally asked myself "what's the worst thing that could happen if I face it? I'll cry? Probably feel calmer after?" Yep I agree with this. At first I couldn't think about what my wife did for more than a few seconds, it was too upsetting. But rather than distract myself I would deliberately think about it harder and imagine what they might've got up to. Now I can picture it (even graphically!) and it doesn't bother me too much.
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