WowReally Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 So the xMM and I were emailing back and forth last night to tie up loose ends before he really focused on his goal to move back with his W. He readily acknowledged that his marriage was devoid of some key components to make a marriage work but yet still felt the need to go back because he "missed some things". He didnt go into anymore detail and I really didnt want to know. Half of me wishes he had kind of gushed about his wife or the life that he missed so I at least had something to confirm my fears and that pushed me away even more. I dont get it...he's a serial cheater who's lucked out avoiding divorce and yet he's trying to go back to a marriage and a woman that doesnt complete his picture.
YellowShark Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 I dont get it...he's a serial cheater who's lucked out avoiding divorce and yet he's trying to go back to a marriage and a woman that doesnt complete his picture. What I don't get is "he's a serial cheater" and so why would you want a serial cheater? Won't he just eventually cheat on you as well? Just curious.
TigerCub Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 he's a serial cheater who's lucked out avoiding divorce and yet he's trying to go back to a marriage and a woman that doesnt complete his picture. People who become serial cheaters are so broken. No one can ever complete their picture.
siuys Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 I guess it's his choice what he wants to do, whether you understand it or not. He may not even understand it himself. People justify their actions all the time. Bottom line, he's a cheater, and he's going back to his W, so don't waste time trying to 'get it'. Get your life back and forget him. All the best.
Author WowReally Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 What I don't get is "he's a serial cheater" and so why would you want a serial cheater? Won't he just eventually cheat on you as well? Just curious. You're jumping to the conclusion that I want him - I've moved passed wanting him and am concerned for him on a different level...we are PLATONIC ACQUAINTANCES nothing more. Over time I will give up my concern about his well being as he is making a choice that he feels he needs to do despite the obvious facts that both he and his wife seem to like to ignore. He is a serial cheater that has left out that he was still seeing me during their MC sessions while out of the house and living in his apartment. That to me does not sound like a man who really wants to change - it sounds to me like he wants his old life back due to the fears that run around in his head whether real or not. I do not believe the saying "once a cheat always a cheat" - if a serial cheater really wanted to change they'd find a different path to follow away from the factors that got them to their straying ways. That takes heart, honesty and love for one self...a cheater tends to have low self esteem and no hope or direction for something better which makes the situation even more sad.
Author WowReally Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 People who become serial cheaters are so broken. No one can ever complete their picture. They have to WANT to change. Change is scary and full of unknowns so for the serial cheater to want to change gears they would have to need a serious dose of self esteem and belief in themselves which is rare but I believe it can happen. I am hoping that the x sees the light but again where it's not my life and this is his decision.
Author WowReally Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 I guess it's his choice what he wants to do, whether you understand it or not. He may not even understand it himself. People justify their actions all the time. Bottom line, he's a cheater, and he's going back to his W, so don't waste time trying to 'get it'. Get your life back and forget him. All the best. Yes I know, it's just sad Even in our communications he just wasn't getting it...denial denial denial. I compare it to battered spouse syndrome. But I love them...he/she will be different this time around. Vicious cycle!
TaraMaiden Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 You're not platonic acquaintances. you're a couple, not having sex, with a joined past. A platonic relationship is not one based on sex, either past or future. I really think, personally, that you need to completely sever ties with him. He's made a choice, and you're out it, so you need to show him that in that case, you're out of the picture and he's off your radar. For good. Have nothing more to do with him, ever. Then you won't find yourself posting in The Other Man/Woman Forum, because he is not the man, and you are no longer the other woman.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Serial cheaters have no reason to want to change. They are doing it because they WANT to! It's other people who have a problem with it! It's not because he's hasn't met the right woman, it's because he will never be content with Intimacy with only one woman. It takes more to complete him because he is that incomplete. Do any of your other platonic friends have issues that you don't understand? You seem to be spending a lot of time worrying about something that you can't change and that doesn't even effect you. He will never have a real marriage with anyone because he isn't capable. Maybe his wife is martyring herself as a public service to the women he persues.
TigerCub Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 They have to WANT to change. Change is scary and full of unknowns so for the serial cheater to want to change gears they would have to need a serious dose of self esteem and belief in themselves which is rare but I believe it can happen. I am hoping that the x sees the light but again where it's not my life and this is his decision. You say you "don't think so" to what I said, but then your explanation above proves my point. As they ARE - nothing can ever fill their voids. Sure, they can change,but as you said they would have to WANT to change. They have to face whatever issues they have in themselves (that cause the bad self esteem) they have to address the source of their problems within themselves, and then yeah, if they do all that - they have a good chance of changing, but as long as they don't they will stay serial cheaters, and nothing will fill their voids.
TigerCub Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Serial cheaters have no reason to want to change. They are doing it because they WANT to! It's other people who have a problem with it! It's not because he's hasn't met the right woman, it's because he will never be content with Intimacy with only one woman. It takes more to complete him because he is that incomplete. Good wording That's what I was trying to say.
Author WowReally Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 You're not platonic acquaintances. you're a couple, not having sex, with a joined past. A platonic relationship is not one based on sex, either past or future.. Ok then we're acquaintances that may or may not have to communicate in the future for business related reasons. Luckily we do not work for the same company nor do we NEED to interact on any level. What we had is dead and we're both moving on
Author WowReally Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 Just looking for more insight...not really looking for people to tell me the obvious - I've already got that part handled thank you
TaraMaiden Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 I'm so sorry. but the fact you keep discussing this 'crazy mixed-up guy' would suggest you haven't. Just what I'm seeing......
YellowShark Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 (edited) He is a serial cheater that has left out that he was still seeing me during their MC sessions..What a great guy! NOT! Just looking for more insight...not really looking for people to tell me the obvious - I've already got that part handled thank you Then here's my insight to everyone who reads this thread. Please don't get mixed up with married men or married women who cheat. They are broken people. You might as well get involved with an alcoholic or drug addict - (because an affair with a married person is a path that is fraught with so much unnecessary drama, pain, and betrayal.) Edited September 28, 2010 by YellowShark add quote
Author WowReally Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 What a great guy! NOT! Then here's my insight to everyone who reads this thread. Please don't get mixed up with married men or married women who cheat. They are broken people. You might as well get involved with an alcoholic or drug addict - (because an affair with a married person is a path that is fraught with so much unnecessary drama, pain, and betrayal.) If this were the "Im thinking about getting involved with a married person" forum then it might be applicable but I think alot of people who read and haunt are looking for threads that they can relate to
YellowShark Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 If this were the "Im thinking about getting involved with a married person" forum then it might be applicable but I think alot of people who read and haunt are looking for threads that they can relate to Don't be angry with me. I am not the enemy. I am only pointing out that when one heads down an emotional/physical path - (see: affair) - with a married person the potential is always there for needless and painful drama. (For the OW and the BS.)
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