livingthedream Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 So many people in my family suffer from alcohol and drug abuse, but the one person I want to direct my attention towards would be my father. Since, I can remember my Dad was an alcoholic. Not only that, but he was very mentally abusive. To this day he is still drinking his life away. When I turned 12 my mother divorced him and I moved out with my Mom. It's now been 11 years since I've lived with my Dad, but I often visit him. I've been married to my husband for 4 years, and we have a 2 year old together. Recently, I've had so many different feelings going through my head. Starting with my husband, he's a hard working man, a great father and an excellent provider, but he definetly lacks in the romance department, and he doesn't show much affection. Lately, I've been feeling very unappreciated and when I talk to him, things change for like 1 day and then go right back to the way they were before. All's I hear is, "oh that's just men", Well I don't want to settle for that! I know I'm not perfect, I do like to control every aspect of my life. I just can't kick this feeling of being unappreciated, and not loved. I was talking to my mom about this stuff and she told me to look up codependancy. Which I can see some relation, but I want to ask someone with out a biased opinion. Please can someone help me? Ask me any question you feel may help you help me =)
liveit Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 Well, I think there's a little bit of codependency in all relationships so it's a matter of degree. Since you are an ACOA and you asked this question the chances are likely that you are more codependent that what would be considered healthy. Chances are your husband is as well since co-dependents tend to seek out one another. I will say that if he's hard working and doing his best to provide for you and your daughter he's probably showing you love the only way he knows how. Don't judge him too harshly. He's probably completely unaware that anything is 'wrong' at all. This really is how men think so please continue to show him love and compassion. I can almost guarantee that he's not as unfeeling as he appears. Men are more dependent on their wives than convention would have you believe. Keep talking about your concerns with him as much as possible otherwise your resentment could build up to a point where it could damage your marriage. Communicate, communicate, communicate...... A good book on codependency is 'Codepency No More' by Melody Beattie. Good Luck!
shayan Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I concur if you have found a steady hardworking man, he is a keeper.
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