Noskey Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 (edited) Hi. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 and half years and we have 2 kids together. I recently found out he cheated on me with his ex not too long ago. He tells me he was drunk and it didn't mean anything but he slept there also. So I don't know if that's all he did was kiss. He swears he never did anything else but I just don't know if I can believe him. I love him so much I don't understand why he would ruin our family like this. Should I take him back? When I found out I went and did the same thing to him to show him how it feels. He still wants to be with me and said he will quit drinking. I've done everything I can to make him happy, I don't know why he would hurt me so badly, and I cant be alone. I was never alone before. It's going to be hard. What do you think I should do? Please help me! Edited September 28, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
grungesponge Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 I really doubt you have the whole story and I don't buy it for a second that he just kissed her. Yup, you have it right, he screwed up and risked your family for a little bit of action on the side, It's a terrible thing to do and I feel awful for you. I'm sure you will get some flak for the revenge cheating (and yes I would certainly consider kissing cheating) but I can't really blame you. It is the only circumstance that I can really sympathize with when it comes to cheating. Personally I think a relationship is truly broken once cheating is involved and I don't think I could take any partner back after that happened no matter how remorseful they were, so my advice would be to dump him. Once they show what they are capable of they will most likely relapse unless they suffer very heavy consequences. Maybe this is a good opportunity for you to work on yourself and prove to yourself that you can be ok on your own. You'd be surprised at how strong you can once your breaking point is reached.
Cee Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Your post broached a lot of issues. I think the simplest thing to address is, yes, I think it was cheating. His kissed and spent the night with his ex. I don't how far it went, but him hanging with her instead of you is bad. The other stuff isn't as simple... 1) Quitting drinking is a difficult undertaking. Alcoholism is a disease that affects most aspects of a person's life even if they "only" get drunk once in a while. I'd suggest you go to Al Anon to get support. He doesn't have to go to AA for you to be in Al Anon. Al Anon is about making changes in your life & not trying to change the alcoholic. 2) Your fear of being alone is not a good reason to stay with him. Even if you stay together, I suggest you develop your self-sufficiency and independence more. You can be on your own. You can do it. That's the definition of adulthood. There's support available: family, friends, therapy, Al Anon, church, online forums, etc.
carhill Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Most family guys (meaning men who have wives/SO's and children) who drink do so at home as well so how's the refer looking lately? Do his actions match his words? How's his accountability? Does he call during the day to check in and is he transparent wrt any communications with his ex? Does he have kids with his ex? What's your single largest fear about being alone? Technically you're not alone since you have two very young children, but alone as in being without a boyfriend/lover/provider.... In the context of the OP, such kissing IMO is definitely cheating. Welcome to LS
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