ChocolateMoose Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 (edited) I know I'm new to this forum and have yet to really contribute, but she left me recently and I'm desperately need advice on how to get her back. I'm 20 and in college in NY, she's 17 in high school in my home town and is going off to college next year. She was my first girlfriend. We met through an activity that we shared and we started dating 4 months ago. We started off really strong and had a lot of fun dates, but toward the end of the summer things started to slow down. I left for a family trip that lasted 3 weeks, and she was concerned that the distance would be tough. When I got back a week before school, she was sick and we didn't really have time to spend together. When I went off to school, we still talked via IM a lot, but when I went home to visit a couple weeks later, I had to almost beg to get her to see me. I thought something may have been wrong, but with the stress she's currently experiencing at school, I didn't think it was us. A week later we go on a trip related to the same activity we met doing. I was really excited about the whole trip and got her a nice present, and things seemed like they'd go well. But she remained distant the whole time. I felt hurt, and after we parted ways to go home. When I got home, she broke it off over IM. It's been two days now and I don't know what to do. I still feel raw and have little control over my emotions. We had a chat over IM yesterday and she explained how she felt. Apparently, she feels the distance is too great and that over the past few weeks she has gradually lost all feelings for me. And on top of that she feels the pressures of school work and the uncertainty of where she'll go to school next year, really makes a long term relationship impossible. But I don't know. Currently I'm alternating between feeling betrayed that she wasn't willing to put in as much as I was and that she didn't tell me that things were wrong until it was too late (hurt), and wanting to feel like it was inevitable, but at least we had good times while it lasted (bitter-sweet). I know that I want her back, but what can I do? Edited September 28, 2010 by crumbs357 typo
DustySaltus Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Crumbs, what you're experiencing now is a part of growing up. We shape our character through adversity. Yeah, she broke up with you over an IM which stinks and is a sign of immaturity. You have your whole life ahead of you and there will be many other relationships you'll experience. The most important thing you can do is learn from this. Understand that you learn something from everyone you'll have a relationship with. It will make you a stronger person and help to point you in the direction of someone that you are truly meant to be with. There's a great quote on here that I saw (from Art Critic) which says, "One day someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it didn't work out with anyone else". If you have that mentality, you should be fine. As far as this situation, I think you need to find things that make you happy OUTSIDE of the realtionship. College is about becoming your own man. I would delete her from IM and cut contact with her, to begin the healing process for yourself. And when that inevitable call comes on Thanksgiving break comes from her, you'll be strong and have a clearer head...and be able to make a rational decision on what direction you want to go....good luck.
totalpackage Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 I agree with Dusty you're a young guy enjoy college and learn who you are. She's young and immature and won't know what she wants for some time. Right now she doesn't want you doesn't mean forever so in the mean time do things to help yourself. Focus on your school work meet new people enjoy the whole experience and when she comes around you might not even want her.
shakez07 Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 You got to concentrate on you. College is another chapter in your life. You and her are in different "states." Meaning you guys are in a different mindset. She's still young yearning other experiences. While you're a couple years older, looking for something else she's not yet into looking. It hurts, I understand, we all have our share of hurt and heartbreaks, but we get through them. We take the pain, and use it to do what you need to do.
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