counterman Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 I am going to this dinner function on the weekend, and it turns out my ex is going to be there... and maybe her boyfriend as well. For those who don't know the story, her boyfriend use to be my friend. He use to always flirt with her and whatnot. Long story short, he's a jerk. The situation is that she has all her friends there and I only have a few. I know this might seem a bit childish but it makes me a bit uncomfortable knowing that I might have to see her and her boyfriend. Yes, I do still harvest some anger. Plus, I was planning to go stag. I think it's too late to reserve for a date now. I haven't spoken to them in... I don't even know how long. Any tips on how to handle this situation?
robdrm32 Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Well you can go and be miserable or not go and be less miserable. Unless you HAVE to go I wouldn't bother, it's probably not worth the awkwardness/discomfort.
atlnay Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 If my ex boyfriend showed up to a function, I think what would make me respect him and possibly wonder about us again, is if he came across the same way when we first met/he courted me. Meaning, if he was friendly and cordial, but his attentions elsewhere (even if he was alone) and he seemed cool, calm and collected and perhaps not interested in me, not looking at me but in a natural way. I'd be impressed and then maybe even start missing him a tad. As much as you can, be yourself. You can be the bigger man and greet them both as warmly as you can. Or you can stay away and still do the same, if they come up to you. A date will be a good distraction, so long as you don't make a "show" of it, overly PDA or you don't keep looking at your ex to see if she's checking you both out. Just be yourself and try to have fun I am going to this dinner function on the weekend, and it turns out my ex is going to be there... and maybe her boyfriend as well. For those who don't know the story, her boyfriend use to be my friend. He use to always flirt with her and whatnot. Long story short, he's a jerk. The situation is that she has all her friends there and I only have a few. I know this might seem a bit childish but it makes me a bit uncomfortable knowing that I might have to see her and her boyfriend. Yes, I do still harvest some anger. Plus, I was planning to go stag. I think it's too late to reserve for a date now. I haven't spoken to them in... I don't even know how long. Any tips on how to handle this situation?
Author counterman Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 That's the thing... I kind of reserved a seat at the event before knowing that she was going. I was actually looking forward to it until now. I just don't want to be a let down because I already said I was going. That's good advice atlay. That's what I would ideally like to happen, just be myself. However, under the circumstances that things did happen, all that anguish and hurt it put me through, I really do not want to see her face or her boyfriend's. I can be civil but if he pushes the wrong buttons, then he's a gone. That's what I am most worried about. How should I approach it if we bump into each other? I really don't want to talk to them. Man, I should really think about bringing a date. But, in all honesty, there's no one I really want to bring!
atlnay Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Silly as it sounds, you can roleplay. Not run it through in your mind. But get a trusted friend or family member, just run through the scenario with you. In the most extreme case, they get as mouthy as your friend can. Deliberately push your buttons. And get out your initial reaction there. I think it'll lesson the sting of the actual meeting and you may find what you worse imagine to happen, probably wont, and if he does show out, you may laugh it off, because who ever you are roleplaying with you both will laugh about it when you are thru. Try and find a date too! or a cool friend you can be yourself with. That's the thing... I kind of reserved a seat at the event before knowing that she was going. I was actually looking forward to it until now. I just don't want to be a let down because I already said I was going. That's good advice atlay. That's what I would ideally like to happen, just be myself. However, under the circumstances that things did happen, all that anguish and hurt it put me through, I really do not want to see her face or her boyfriend's. I can be civil but if he pushes the wrong buttons, then he's a gone. That's what I am most worried about. How should I approach it if we bump into each other? I really don't want to talk to them. Man, I should really think about bringing a date. But, in all honesty, there's no one I really want to bring!
Author counterman Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 Wow, I have never thought of that. I might actually take that advice and set up a role play. I should say, though, that when this particular guy tried to get under my skin in the past, I would play it cool, laugh it off and etc. Basically, showing that it didn't bother me. However, that never stopped him from trying, and soon it got annoying. He started flirting with my ex, when she was with me. She lead me on; she really liked this other guy. So, I don't know if I want to play it cool anymore. I really want him to know that I don't want to talk to him or her. I can remain civil but not friendly. A date... I do not have anyone in particular in mind. There's really no one I want to bring. As for a friend... I guess I can try and get one to go.
LoveLace Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 I'd for sure try to get someone to go with me to make the situation more comfortable. Then I could focus on conversation with that person and look very busy having fun with that person..which would also make it easier to avoid the Ex as much as possible. Otherwise, stick with the people there who you do know and get along with, and do not acknowledge them what so ever, don't look their way, just pretend they are not even there. Then, if the "jerk" decides to start something with you while your minding your own business, he's the one who will look childish Just say "I'm sorry do I know you?"...stick to your plan not to let it show if it bothers you. The more care-free you appear the more it will just tick him off and make him look like a fool.Obviously he is already insecure if he has to try and make you flinch instead of having fun and minding his OWN business.
sanskrit Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Make sure it is too late to bring a guest before giving up. Going with a date is the best thing here if you can work it.
D-Lish Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 You know what? You don't need to bring a date. You are obviously going with at least a small group of friends, right? That's good enough- you have your support system, you can network, talk to other people- perhaps meet new women... You sorta can't meet other women if you bring a date. Why all of a sudden should you have to switch up your original plans- you were planning on going solo- so go solo. Best course of action is to ignore them completely, pretend you are having such a good time you don't see them. How many people are at this function?
Author counterman Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 I would ideally like to bring a bro with me. However, many of them, if not all, are not going. As for a date, I would love to bring one but I am really not inclined to; there's not girl in particular that I want to bring and I don't want to bring up just for the sake of it. So, yeah, sanskrit, I'll try but I am not too sure about it. You're right LoveLace. I won't give them any sort of acknowledgement whatsoever. If he tries to stir the pot, then he's going to look like a complete fool. I doubt he will though. Despite him being the way he is, this is definitely not the time it'll be to start something. D-Lish, I am not going with a small group of friends. I will have friends there but I will not be seated with them. My friend who organised this event has placed me with a bunch of her friends, whom I have never met before. I was planning on meeting new women, and this is a more formal type of event, which I prefer over the casual type. Someone once told me... why would you change your plans for them and avoid them? They never consulted you when they got together, under the circumstances they did, why should you not go to an event just cause they're going? ...There is some truth to that. Others would say, why spend a night there if you're going to be miserable? I have missed out on a few events already because they were going. I wanted to prevent an awkward situation, but yes, now I just want to go, and not have to think about whether they'll be going or not. I didn't even consider it, until I saw the guest list. Um, there will be about 200 people at this function.
welikeincrowds Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 From your posts it sounds like not going is not an option you would like to consider. Easy. So you're going. You're going to be seated at a table full of new people -- some available women, I hope -- specifically due to your friend's machinations. Great! Sounding like a good night so far. Also answers your question as to whether or not to bring a date. As for how to act around the ex: I recently had to endure something similar, albeit at a much smaller function. Should you speak to her, be friendly. You don't lose power by being friendly with them, you gain it. Don't give her any information about her life and don't ask her about hers -- both things that should be easy for you. Keep the conversation topical and excuse yourself at your soonest convenience. Have a shot or two of whiskey beforehand to loosen you up. This is nothing you can't deflect. Finally, they're just people -- miserable people. Allow the confidence in knowing that you are better than them fuel your energy at that party. When you go and have a good time despite them -- especially if you get a girl's number, or 4 -- you're going to leave feeling like a boss. And if you're really ballsy, you could tell your sob story to a girl you're chatting up, and if she's the right type of person, you may even be able to get her to play like she's way interested in you to make your ex jealous. Sounds like fun to me!
D-Lish Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Well 200 people at the event sounds better than a small dinner party! I am assuming your friend set you up at a table with single women...
carhill Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Any tips on how to handle this situation? Be a gentleman and, if you get a whiff of objectionable or disingenuous behavior, simply walk away without comment. You have no control over how others behave, but complete control over how you behave. My instinct is you will do fine. At an event of large size, you can have brief and proper contact with them and then spend the rest of the time with others of more interest. I'd personally adopt a neutral stance. No obvious flirting with other women and no bringing 'dates'. If a lady catches your interest, get her number quietly. Good luck.
Author counterman Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 It is a new situation for me. The first event that I have committed to prior to knowing that my ex and her boyfriend will be there. Thanks for the advice, welikeincrowds. I will keep any conversation brief and reveal nothing about my life and ask nothing about hers. I do not want to know anyways. There will be single women there, I know that for sure, so I will definitely have fun there. As for the sob story, I guess someone will ask my why I'm sitting with them and not with the people I do know... I might spring it out but not in a sob sense, rather a that's life sorta of way. I wouldn't have brought a date because, even if we have a good time, nothing will go from there. I had a few in mind but none I'm really attracted to. I think my friend put me on a table with single women as well, D-Lish, the thought of wish makes me a bit giddy and excited. It should be fun. My friend says I do not them but I will know them by the end of the night. I think I will do fine as well carhill. I will behave as I would if she wasn't there. Her behaviour is not affected by mine as mine shouldn't be by her. If contact arises, I will be a gentleman but defnitely not overly friendly. Walking away from objectionable behaviour sounds good. I would much rather that than a confrontation. I usually do speak up for myself if I feel something is out of line, but at such a large event, I do not want to draw any attention. My time will be spent with those at my table and others I wish to spend it with. Thanks for the advice. A lot of things were actually left unsaid. As unlikely as it may seem, if he happens to bring up the topic and suggest that we forget about what happened and be "friends" again, what should I do? He is really in no position to call a "truce", so to speak. And I really have no intentions being fooled again.
carhill Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 As unlikely as it may seem, if he happens to bring up the topic and suggest that we forget about what happened and be "friends" again, what should I do?'I feel this is not the time nor the place to be discussing that' If he persists, walk away.
Author counterman Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 Thanks, I feel as though I am good to go. Just have to pick out something nice to wear now.
Author counterman Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 Okay, it's looking as though it'll be 500 guests at the event. Just wanted to say that. How should I approach the situation if there are, say, 10 single women at my table? I've never directed a conversation with that man people I don't know.
carhill Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 How should I approach the situation if there are, say, 10 single women at my table? Well, if you can successfully keep your saliva in your mouth I think you'll be fine
Author counterman Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 :lmao: I'll try to! My voice could start cracking into that high pitched sound, a sign of nervousness. I'll give an update on how it goes!
Crazy Magnet Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Awaiting this update! Good luck! I hope the lady seated next to you is so amazing and beautiful that you forget your ex is even there!
Author counterman Posted October 1, 2010 Author Posted October 1, 2010 I hope so too. I have a feeling I won't be paying much attention to my ex I am feeling a bit nervous though! I haven't spoken to multiple women whom I didn't know at once in a while! Any tips on directing conversation? What to say or what not to say? It's exciting but nerve-wracking at the same time!
LoveLace Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 "How are you doing this evening"...wait for answer...introduce yourself, wait for their name..."what do you think of the party?"...try to ask open ended questions vs. yes or no questions. Offer to buy her a drink if that's applicable. Aside from that, be polite and be yourself and you should have a perfectly good time;)
Author counterman Posted December 15, 2010 Author Posted December 15, 2010 So, a situation has popped up and I don't know why I get a little bit uncomfortable when it happens but I might be seeing my ex and her boyfriend at my friend's birthday. It's a event of about 20 - 30 people and we will probably bump into each other. I am feeling uneasy about it but I do want to go. I haven't forgotten or forgiven them for what has happened, but they are out of my life and they shouldn't dictate what I attend. Any advice on how to carry myself and what I should do in certain situations?
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