tmattes2 Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 As standard, the quick background: I met christina almost a year ago immediately after a nasty breakup with a ex-girl that I had deeply loved... Christina and I had an immediate connection that grew and grew with time. Eventually after a few months, she wanted a relationship, but I was still to insecure over my previous break-up to run straight into another commitment. She continued wanting more for almost the next 6 months, but I kept rejecting her. I wanted her! I simply was too scared to commit. I was afraid of rushing into it and hurting myself or her. Eventually summer rolled around and it was time for us to leave each other and go home for the summer. As the time to part grew nearer and nearer, my feelings for her intensified greatly, but i never asked her out... and we both parted out ways. summer time: We kept in constant communication after we left each other. Long story short, I was no more than a couple weeks after we hard parted that I came to terms with loving Christina. And I do! She is amazing! I wish that I could have been ready to take this leap sooner. Sooo I asked her out and she said yes, thus, beginning our long dist. relationship. The problem: in the two week period that we were apart during the summer before starting our relationship, she met a guy named Patrick. I had suspicions that she may had done things with him, but she told me up and down that she hadn't... fast forward to current day, she recently came clean to me. It turns out that she had sex with patrick THEE three consecutive nights in a row before we began our relationship. She said she wanted to come clean because it had been killing her. She wanted us to work and she loved me. She said that she did not have sex with Patrick any more after we began our r-ship and I believe her. She told Patrick that she had chosen me over him. At the same time, when patrick had to leave her hometown a week after we had began our relationship, she kissed him on the lips good bye... Processing this: Now, as far as the sex goes, I dont know. To be honest, it hurts ALOT. I have never cheated on her, and quite frankly, have not had sex with anyone the entire 9 month period in which we were "unofficially dating." I kissed a few girl, but I was immediately honest with her. She was the same way with me, kissed a few guys, came clean, but nothing major. Which I guess is why this is sooo out of character for her and surprising to me that she would have SEX with Patrick and then LIE to me about it. I guess It feels like she cheated... It was sooo close to when we began our r-ship... 3 nights in a row the 3 days before saying, "yes, I want to be in a committed relationship with you"??? Our anniversary seems tainted to me now. Ya, I had no claim over her at the time so "technically" she didnt cheat, But it feels that way. It hurts! And also the kiss on the lips goodbye (while we were going out) does not seem ok to me. She claims it meant nothing, but in lue of their history, its hard to believe. SOOO, did she cheat? and more importantly, what does this mean for our relationship? I love her. I want it to work. She says she loves me, but I have trust issues regarding her, her past, and her lying. Am i trying to hold on to something that was inevitably "doomed" from the moment she had sex with Patrick less than 24 hours before committing to me? Thanks for the advice!!!
lamaman3 Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 So for months she wanted a relationship with you but you didn't want a commitment...but somehow you expected her to ACT like she was in a commited relationship with you? Don't make this sound more noble by talking about her cheating...it's really very simple. You are simply jealous that a guy had sex with her before you did. If this pathetic jealousy is enough for you to ruin this supposed great love you have for her than please stu her free so she can find a man that isn't so petty
JustJoe Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Dude, she didn't cheat, and you need to grow up. If this is how you treat her, this "relationship', won't last long. She did nothing wrong, get over it.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 SOOO, did she cheat? and more importantly, what does this mean for our relationship? I love her. I want it to work. She says she loves me, but I have trust issues regarding her, her past, and her lying. Am i trying to hold on to something that was inevitably "doomed" from the moment she had sex with Patrick less than 24 hours before committing to me? Thanks for the advice!!! Here is the deal. She didn't cheat. That part is clear. However, she clearly felt you were not worth waiting for... and I'd say that counts for a lot. You should appreciate that she was honest with you. What you do with that info is up to you. I'd probably break up because she lied about it for so long, and pursue women that think I would be worth waiting a bit for. I mean what she did is really a skank move. Indicative of a very low quality woman overall.
PegNosePete Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 However, she clearly felt you were not worth waiting for... and I'd say that counts for a lot. But she did wait, being rejected again and again, for 6 months!
Maggotface Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 This is pretty rediculous, I mean how long did you expect her to wait? So what she found a guy who actually wanted something to do with her, and she cared enough about you to tell him to hit the road. She didnt cheat (kinda, the kiss on the lips is a different story) if her sleeping with someone before she was with you bothers you then leave her. Your aniversary wouldnt have been tainted had you not given her the run-around for half a year.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 It turns out that she had sex with patrick THEE three consecutive nights in a row before we began our relationship. She said she wanted to come clean because it had been killing her. She wanted us to work and she loved me. She said that she did not have sex with Patrick any more after we began our r-ship and I believe her. She told Patrick that she had chosen me over him. At the same time, when patrick had to leave her hometown a week after we had began our relationship, she kissed him on the lips good bye... so she chose you over him......BUT....she had to get her fill of him before she officially switched to you. Granted she didn't cheat at this point, but it doesn't say much about her character. She had to get her last fling in with old Pat before coming to you. Processing this: Our anniversary seems tainted to me now. well ya...because on your anniversary you know she had sex with Patrick for 3 straight days before that:sick: Not exactly how you want to remember your anniversary. Ya, I had no claim over her at the time so "technically" she didnt cheat, But it feels that way. It hurts! no, she really didn't cheat....but who thinks they are going to commit to someone, but then feels the need to get their rocks off 3 days in a row before making the committment? someone of lousy character, thats who. SOOO, did she cheat? and more importantly, what does this mean for our relationship? I love her. I want it to work. She says she loves me, but I have trust issues regarding her, her past, and her lying. Am i trying to hold on to something that was inevitably "doomed" from the moment she had sex with Patrick less than 24 hours before committing to me? Thanks for the advice!!! dunno my man, again, she "technically" didn't cheat...but she just had to get her rocks of with Pat before making the switch to you. Which tells me the committment to you really didn't mean s##t. I'd be very leary of a relationship with someone that decided to get her last flings in 3 days in a row. But then again, she kissed him AFTER the so-called committment. So in that sense she did cheat. Honestly, I wouldn't waste much time with someone like that.
wicar1 Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 As standard, the quick background: I met christina almost a year ago immediately after a nasty breakup with a ex-girl that I had deeply loved... Christina and I had an immediate connection that grew and grew with time. Eventually after a few months, she wanted a relationship, but I was still to insecure over my previous break-up to run straight into another commitment. She continued wanting more for almost the next 6 months, but I kept rejecting her. I wanted her! I simply was too scared to commit. I was afraid of rushing into it and hurting myself or her. Eventually summer rolled around and it was time for us to leave each other and go home for the summer. As the time to part grew nearer and nearer, my feelings for her intensified greatly, but i never asked her out... and we both parted out ways. summer time: We kept in constant communication after we left each other. Long story short, I was no more than a couple weeks after we hard parted that I came to terms with loving Christina. And I do! She is amazing! I wish that I could have been ready to take this leap sooner. Sooo I asked her out and she said yes, thus, beginning our long dist. relationship. The problem: in the two week period that we were apart during the summer before starting our relationship, she met a guy named Patrick. I had suspicions that she may had done things with him, but she told me up and down that she hadn't... fast forward to current day, she recently came clean to me. It turns out that she had sex with patrick THEE three consecutive nights in a row before we began our relationship. She said she wanted to come clean because it had been killing her. She wanted us to work and she loved me. She said that she did not have sex with Patrick any more after we began our r-ship and I believe her. She told Patrick that she had chosen me over him. At the same time, when patrick had to leave her hometown a week after we had began our relationship, she kissed him on the lips good bye... Processing this: Now, as far as the sex goes, I dont know. To be honest, it hurts ALOT. I have never cheated on her, and quite frankly, have not had sex with anyone the entire 9 month period in which we were "unofficially dating." I kissed a few girl, but I was immediately honest with her. She was the same way with me, kissed a few guys, came clean, but nothing major. Which I guess is why this is sooo out of character for her and surprising to me that she would have SEX with Patrick and then LIE to me about it. I guess It feels like she cheated... It was sooo close to when we began our r-ship... 3 nights in a row the 3 days before saying, "yes, I want to be in a committed relationship with you"??? Our anniversary seems tainted to me now. Ya, I had no claim over her at the time so "technically" she didnt cheat, But it feels that way. It hurts! And also the kiss on the lips goodbye (while we were going out) does not seem ok to me. She claims it meant nothing, but in lue of their history, its hard to believe. SOOO, did she cheat? and more importantly, what does this mean for our relationship? I love her. I want it to work. She says she loves me, but I have trust issues regarding her, her past, and her lying. Am i trying to hold on to something that was inevitably "doomed" from the moment she had sex with Patrick less than 24 hours before committing to me? Thanks for the advice!!! She cheated...not by the book though. Your trust issues are justifiable. It is better to leave her before this gets worse. Goodluck
Author tmattes2 Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 but somehow you expected her to ACT like she was in a commited relationship with you? Don't make this sound more noble by talking about her cheating...it's really very simple. You are simply jealous that a guy had sex with her before you did. If this pathetic jealousy is enough for you to ruin this supposed great love you have for her than please stu her free so she can find a man that isn't so petty Ok lamaman3, first of all, thank you for your point of view. I appreciate all of the feedback from everyone. I do not understand your incredibly harsh advice though. Im not trying to sound noble at all. I am human. And yes, you are right. I am jealous of Pat! Who wouldnt be jealous of the man that had sex with your girlfriend less than 24 hours before committing??? Can you honestly say that you wouldn't? My jealousy is not pathetic, its human. BUT that is not what this is all about anyways. I am trying to cope with these feeling that I have to try and figure out if it is worth trying to continue and sustain a long distance relationship with her... That is why I have posted on this blog, to look for advice and hear other people's opinions. Not to be spoken down too... You are wrong. I am not petty. When I said that I rejected her for 6 months, I was drastically over simplifying a very long and complex situation. If you have ever broken up from a very serious relationship, then you should know that it is very VERY HARD to jump straight into a new one. That was my situation with Christina... I always was trying to put her interests in front of mine and part of that was not wanting to hurt her! The easiest way for me to hurt her would have been to rush into something that I wasnt emotionally ready for... So my gut reactions where to push her away (which in retrospect was wrong). So please try to understand and empathize with this situation before posting your insults.
Maggotface Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I absolutely think this relationship is worth continuing. I understand it hurts that she slept with someone because you did care about her but she wasnt commited to you when it happened and you cant expect her to wait around forever, 6 months is a long time. You have to think about it from her perspective as well.
lamaman3 Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Look...honestly your problem goes much deeper than whether you feel that she cheated you or not. To answer your question, no it is not a good idea to have a long f distance relationship with her because you have some personal issues you need to work out with yourself first. You see it wasn't your previous relationship which prevented you from pursuing her..it was your own insecurities the same ones that are causing you to feel like crap now. You sday you are jealous of Pat..when you are jealous it means they have something you dont... If you were confident in yourself and your own sexuality as a man you would have made a move on christina when you had a chance...you don't have to jump into commitment. In fact, there is no commitment before you have sex with a girl...therefore she is not your girlfriend even now. I fyou were stol there them you would not have realized your love for hey...you would have been scared of her..now that you are alone...and dint have the pressure of being something real with her you want her.. You se while you were scared to be more than friends with her..pat wasn't! He wanted her and went after what he wanted. Confidence is the ultimate turn on fit a woman. So what you are jealous of is pats confidence and bravery and the answer lies in transforming yourself from a fearful person ytp a brave man..not computing about what christina did p
Author tmattes2 Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 what you are jealous of is pats confidence and bravery and the answer lies in transforming yourself from a fearful person Now this advice is actually useful... Interesting point and well simplified... something to think about. much better, Thanks.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I absolutely think this relationship is worth continuing. I understand it hurts that she slept with someone because you did care about her but she wasnt commited to you when it happened and you cant expect her to wait around forever, 6 months is a long time. You have to think about it from her perspective as well. uh....when she knew she was going to commit to him, she went on a 3 day Patrick bone riding spree. 3 days....not 6 months.
lamaman3 Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Now this advice is actually useful... Interesting point and well simplified... something to think about. much better, Thanks. If you want advice on how to actually do this - send me a PM - I can help you.
Star Gazer Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 I am jealous of Pat! Who wouldnt be jealous of the man that had sex with your girlfriend less than 24 hours before committing??? Can you honestly say that you wouldn't? I wouldn't, if I were you. He couldn't have been that great if she was willing to drop him like a hot potato for you. P.S. Guys named Pat(rick) are never worth a girl's time. BTDT.
CLC2008 Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 As standard, the quick background: I met christina almost a year ago immediately after a nasty breakup with a ex-girl that I had deeply loved... Christina and I had an immediate connection that grew and grew with time. Eventually after a few months, she wanted a relationship, but I was still to insecure over my previous break-up to run straight into another commitment. She continued wanting more for almost the next 6 months, but I kept rejecting her. I wanted her! I simply was too scared to commit. I was afraid of rushing into it and hurting myself or her. Eventually summer rolled around and it was time for us to leave each other and go home for the summer. As the time to part grew nearer and nearer, my feelings for her intensified greatly, but i never asked her out... and we both parted out ways. summer time: We kept in constant communication after we left each other. Long story short, I was no more than a couple weeks after we hard parted that I came to terms with loving Christina. And I do! She is amazing! I wish that I could have been ready to take this leap sooner. Sooo I asked her out and she said yes, thus, beginning our long dist. relationship. The problem: in the two week period that we were apart during the summer before starting our relationship, she met a guy named Patrick. I had suspicions that she may had done things with him, but she told me up and down that she hadn't... fast forward to current day, she recently came clean to me. It turns out that she had sex with patrick THEE three consecutive nights in a row before we began our relationship. She said she wanted to come clean because it had been killing her. She wanted us to work and she loved me. She said that she did not have sex with Patrick any more after we began our r-ship and I believe her. She told Patrick that she had chosen me over him. At the same time, when patrick had to leave her hometown a week after we had began our relationship, she kissed him on the lips good bye... Processing this: Now, as far as the sex goes, I dont know. To be honest, it hurts ALOT. I have never cheated on her, and quite frankly, have not had sex with anyone the entire 9 month period in which we were "unofficially dating." I kissed a few girl, but I was immediately honest with her. She was the same way with me, kissed a few guys, came clean, but nothing major. Which I guess is why this is sooo out of character for her and surprising to me that she would have SEX with Patrick and then LIE to me about it. I guess It feels like she cheated... It was sooo close to when we began our r-ship... 3 nights in a row the 3 days before saying, "yes, I want to be in a committed relationship with you"??? Our anniversary seems tainted to me now. Ya, I had no claim over her at the time so "technically" she didnt cheat, But it feels that way. It hurts! And also the kiss on the lips goodbye (while we were going out) does not seem ok to me. She claims it meant nothing, but in lue of their history, its hard to believe. SOOO, did she cheat? and more importantly, what does this mean for our relationship? I love her. I want it to work. She says she loves me, but I have trust issues regarding her, her past, and her lying. Am i trying to hold on to something that was inevitably "doomed" from the moment she had sex with Patrick less than 24 hours before committing to me? Thanks for the advice!!! If you didn't even ask her out, how could she have cheated on you? That doesn't make any sense. So no, she did not cheat on you.
Allisha Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 If you want advice on how to actually do this - send me a PM - I can help you. He can't PM you. He's not an established member yet.
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