onewillburn Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 It's been a long time since the break up and I'm still not completely over it. This girl has done ridiculously vengeful things since we've broken up. Spread rumors, attempted to sway my friends to stop talking to me, written thinly-veiled songs about how she hates me (lol, they aren't very good though). Yet I still think in the back of my mind that the times I had with her are some of the best memories of my life. I cannot lie to myself. I've realized that I have not completely let go. I've been living in what feels like some kind of purgatory, never able to fully focus on anything. Just completely drained and weakened. People think of me as this strong-willed individual. I speak my mind a lot and have always been passionate in any interests I pursue. I cannot open myself up to anybody anymore. I literally feel numb when it comes to human relations on a deep level. Like, I can feel sympathy and it's easy to have a good time with people, but I don't know how to feel as emotionally close with anybody else as I used to. I feel like part of me is DEAD. Melodramatic, yes, but it's how I feel. I don't know any other way to describe it. There is no contact, there have been flings. Girls are constantly showing interest. But I don't care. Or I fumble and can't think right while engaging with them. I've put my ex on a pedestal for some reason. Probably because I'm weak-minded. But why am I so weak-minded? Why do I feel stuck? I've regressed.
Sonolumino Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 You're at the final stage of healing. Not quite there, not quite "Day 1". My advice is to give it more time. Change something about what you've been doing slightly, it may help the transition come easier. I am DEFINITELY in this place right now. My ex has moved on, but for some ****ed up reason, I had her on a pedestal too. What you have to realize is that the connections we have towards people exist only in our minds. Remember that. Let it all go. You're not ready (emotionally) to look back on these memories fondly yet, because for some reason you don't want to let her go yet. Right now, treat this as a learning experience, something that happened to make you a better person. If you keep that outlook of "I am supposed to learn from this" in some way, it will help you. You will get past this, I promise. I'm emotionally numb right now too. I feel like I'm just going through the motions with a lot of old friends and stuff, no new emotion is coming to me. But I continue to plug away, and you do too. That effort may only gain you .5% happiness each time, but it adds up and soon you will be free of the burden. Good luck to you and keep posting.
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