Update: Not Dating American Women Anymore

October 2, 2010

Welfare is given the FAMILIES WITH CHILDREN, unfortunately, single parents are over whelmingly female.
And for all your woman hating, women tend to live in poverty, especially if tehy have children, much more so than men after divorce.
Welfare is paid to make sure LITTLE KIDS aren't STARVING. Not to make women feel better.
I have never seen a marriage implode where the woman cheated and she was still seen as a victim.
I have seen men lie about their incomes so their ex-wives can't get the child support they are die, I have seen men move to other states to avoid supporting their children. I have seen men lie to women about even being in a relationship and then set the woman he lied to up to look like she seduced him knowing he was married when that wasn't even the case.
Bt badoth genders have members who acly, and life isn't fair. Quit your whining.

Single women can get onto welfare without children. I've seen it done. I've never seen the same for men.

I don't think it's really arguable... our society deems many men as disposable, and invests few resources in them.

I agree, life is not fair. That doesn't mean I give up. I just looked around and took a better option... and I'm sharing with all the other guys out there... You can take a better option too!

October 2, 2010

Single women can get onto welfare without children. I've seen it done. I've never seen the same for men.

I don't think it's really arguable... our society deems many men as disposable, and invests few resources in them.

I agree, life is not fair. That doesn't mean I give up. I just looked around and took a better option... and I'm sharing with all the other guys out there... You can take a better option too!

Single adults can get temporary food assistance for three months in my state, male or female. My brothers have both used it.

October 2, 2010

Single women can get onto welfare without children. I've seen it done. I've never seen the same for men.

I don't think it's really arguable... our society deems many men as disposable, and invests few resources in them.

I agree, life is not fair. That doesn't mean I give up. I just looked around and took a better option... and I'm sharing with all the other guys out there... You can take a better option too!

Yeah, single mom of three kids with a good career who isn't needy, clingy, and refuses to wear high heels or submit to other ridiculous female "fashions".

My other option is called "celibacy"

October 2, 2010

It's not readily apparent to me. Which makes me think I lack the requisite knowledge to understand it.

No, it wouldn't be readily apparent to anybody. It's a shortened version of Tarda Meretricis (Latin for whoretard or tardwhore). Stemmed from a post I made under my old username.

Bottom line. I worked hard at having a great relationship, and my GF cheated on me... many people blamed me. I was told that it was my fault I didn't give her enough attention, and that I picked the wrong girl.

I heard the same things 3 years ago when my other GF cheated on me.

I look around and see all my friends are having the same issue. All their GF's cheat.... all their wives cheat... I look up the statistics, and while no exact number is known... they all agree that the number of women cheating in the U.S. is staggeringly hight and increasing rapidly.

I could give you a very similar story from a female perspective - ie being cheated on and told it was my fault for not trusting that his close platonic relationship with another woman would remain platonic ("you put the idea into my head!"). Other female friends being cheated on and similarly made to feel culpable for the betrayal.

Cheating on a partner is such a crappy thing to do that people strive to find reasons to absolve themselves from blame for it. They don't want to look in the mirror and see a cheat, so it's easier to blame the cheated on partner....and yes, of course their friends will collude with them in that interpretation of events. Birds of a feather, etc.

So I think... Is it really my fault? Maybe social pressures and norms are more at work here. Life does not ONLY play out on an individual level.

Is it my fault... do I need to stick to some unknown formula to keep U.S. women faithful? Is it my fault for picking poorly... when every guy around me has the same issue... and when picking how can you tell the cheaters from the tiny minority who are not? Can it really be expected of me to master the crystal ball?

Infidelity happens in all cultures. Look at Saudi Arabia. They stone people to death for it - yet still there are people who take the risk and cheat on their spouses. In lots of European countries (Eastern Europe in particular) cheating is par for the course. In France there's a phrase for the rush hour...can't remember what it is, but it relates to people hooking up with their affair partners during rush hour then driving home once the traffic has calmed down.

Hundreds of years ago...people were cheating on eachother then too. there was more of a culture of turning a blind eye, though. It's horrible, absolutely horrible, when someone cheats on you. Unfortunately, it's one of the most common forms of human betrayal there is.

As for blaming yourself....it's easy to say "don't - it's not your responsibility". However, some people are more prone than others are to take blame for other people's misbehaviour. When I was at school, I was the one who'd always blush when notices about bad behaviour were read out...even though I wasn't involved. Came from being the youngest in the family, and always finding myself being the fall guy for an older sibling's misbehaviour I think.

If you have that tendency, other people will often encourage it...because that way they can exploit it when they need or want to. Which can cause you a lot of anger, frustration and make you feel as though you're constantly having to defend yourself from unfair accusations. It takes effort and willpower to decide "right - if that person is going to pin the blame on me, I'm going to state my case...but if they carry on blaming me regardless I'll just walk away." There's that bit in us that wants to keep on fighting and defending, even when it's futile.

October 2, 2010

In theory yes this is good but most of the time it just regresses into a woman telling a man how useless and disposable he is to her. Men hate feeling disposable.

News flash for you here.. Nobody likes feeling like they are "disposable" but when you get right down to it all of us are. Most folks have many failed relationships & yet they go onto form new ones.

I think if all of us were a bit more mindful of the fact that we are replaceable

& tried to remember to bring our A game moves into our existing relationships at least occasionally & not just displaying our best during courtship there might be fewer divorces.

October 2, 2010

Plus as an example... my friend Paul had his wife move in with another man 2 years ago. Their 2 boys live with Paul and his wife refuses to see them more than once a month. Paul pays his xwife $36,000 a year... and she contributes nothing to the boys. The court refuses to grant him more than 50% custody... so he will pay forever.

Paul would like to move on... but he can't really afford to date since he spends most of his time and money on his boys. The women in Paul's area expect more time and more money than he is able to provide.

Men & women with still dependent minor children from prior relationships in general are going to have a harder time in the dating world than single people do.

I stayed alone following my 1st divorce (no child support, minimal involvement from the ex) precisely because divorced women with children were considered to be baggage lugging damaged goods. Flash forward a lot of years, my kids are now successfully launched, I've got a good career in a stable field, why would I now decide that I want to sign up for the good ship parenthood a 2nd time? I have zero interest in using my money or time to rear another woman's children. What's really funny is those guys who rejected me back then, who went onto marry, have kids late & whom are now divorced get downright nasty when they have to face the same reality I did.

Getting involved with somebody who has pre-existing children means in most cases that you will be limiting the number of biological children of your own that you can have. Let's also not forget the drama, in many households divorce doesn't end the constant conflicts & crises , they just regroup & center around child support, custody, visitation issues.

I don't blame anybody for not being eager to get involved with a single parent!

October 2, 2010

Yeah, single mom of three kids with a good career who isn't needy, clingy, and refuses to wear high heels or submit to other ridiculous female "fashions".

My other option is called "celibacy"

I reared 3 kids alone following a divorce, I dated the same man for many of those yrs, we did NOT live together, he did NOT share much with my kids beyond "hello" & "Goodbye" when he'd pick me up for the evening. The situation worked beautifully, I had adult companionship & regular sex in a relationship that did not conflict with my responsibilities to my kids or with my career. He did not want children of his own, nor was he interested in marriage, he was quite content with our relationship, we had some good times over the yrs & parted in an amicable fashion at the end.Think about finding somebody for such an arrangement, it's a lot more satisfying than "celibacy" or being out there competing with childless 20 somethings for a man.

Edited October 2, 2010 by soserious1

October 2, 2010

I reared 3 kids alone following a divorce, I dated the same man for many of those yrs, we did NOT live together, he did NOT share much with my kids beyond "hello" & "Goodbye" when he'd pick me up for the evening. The situation worked beautifully, I had adult companionship & regular sex in a relationship that did not conflict with my responsibilities to my kids or with my career. He did not want children of his own, nor was he interested in marriage, he was quite content with our relationship, we had some good times over the yrs & parted in an amicable fashion at the end.Think about finding somebody for such an arrangement, it's a lot more satisfying than "celibacy" or being out there competing with childless 20 somethings for a man.

I'm 29 on Tuesday . . . I hate to think that I'm damaged goods, used up and full of baggage at this point in my life.

I've tried the FB/FWB thing and it isn't for me. I'm sorry, I'm just as worthy as any other woman and if they can't treat me so, I'm not interested.

I wouldn't mind a long term boyfriend, but around here they all want to rush into serious relationships leading to marriage or they want a screw buddy and only want to call or make plans when its convenient for them. And forget about planning anything ahead of time.

Forgive me for causing the thread to side track, but american men aren't all that great to date either.

October 2, 2010

I'm 29 on Tuesday . . . I hate to think that I'm damaged goods, used up and full of baggage at this point in my life.

I've tried the FB/FWB thing and it isn't for me. I'm sorry, I'm just as worthy as any other woman and if they can't treat me so, I'm not interested.

I wouldn't mind a long term boyfriend, but around here they all want to rush into serious relationships leading to marriage or they want a screw buddy and only want to call or make plans when its convenient for them. And forget about planning anything ahead of time.

Forgive me for causing the thread to side track, but american men aren't all that great to date either.

What ALL people who have children from previous relationships need to understand is that single,childless people are going to think long & hard before

getting involved. Just for starters he/she goes into it knowing that their needs are going to come dead last on the single parent's list, add to that the

expectation of being expected to share in the costs involved with the kids in terms of money, hands on care giving not to mention college costs.. only to be

treated to the refrain "you're not my Father/mother" A serious relationship/marriage to a single parent involves a terrible amount of responsibility/obligation

with none of the rights accorded a bio parent.

As to men only calling when it suits them.. think about how many times you've had to say "oh, I couldn't possibly do that, I have to help Little Mary do X,y or z" or about how many times you've had to cancel out on a planned activity because your babysitter fell through or one of the kids became ill or had an issue needing your attention? Single parents of either gender aren't a picnic

to date.

Edited October 2, 2010 by soserious1

October 2, 2010

What ALL people who have children from previous relationships need to understand is that single,childless people are going to think long & hard before
getting involved. Just for starters he/she goes into it knowing that their needs are going to come dead last on the single parent's list, add to that the
expectation of being expected to share in the costs involved with the kids in terms of money, hands on care giving not to mention college costs.. only to be
treated to the refrain "you're not my Father/mother" A serious relationship/marriage to a single parent involves a terrible amount of responsibility/obligation
with none of the rights accorded a bio parent.

As to men only calling when it suits them.. think about how many times you've had to say "oh, I couldn't possibly do that, I have to help Little Mary do X,y or z" or about how many times you've had to cancel out on a planned activity because your babysitter fell through or one of the kids became ill or had an issue needing your attention? Single parents of either gender aren't a picnic
to date.

There is a difference between not making plans with someone until the very last minute (which is impossible for a single parent), and having had an emergency come up. And no, I haven't canceled many dates or events because of my kids. They tend to be healthy and I tend to not make plans that are likely to run into problems.

And since when did DATING become an obligation to pay for the cost of living? That's just silly. I've said I don't want to get into a serious marriage type relationship.

I think THAT is my problem more than the kids. The fact that I'm not looking for wedding bells and have a well paying job seems to be off putting.

And who said I was only looking to date childless 20 somethings? I'm in my very late 20s. I place more value on brains and education than on free-wheeling life styles.

October 3, 2010

There is a difference between not making plans with someone until the very last minute (which is impossible for a single parent), and having had an emergency come up. And no, I haven't canceled many dates or events because of my kids. They tend to be healthy and I tend to not make plans that are likely to run into problems.

And since when did DATING become an obligation to pay for the cost of living? That's just silly. I've said I don't want to get into a serious marriage type relationship.

I think THAT is my problem more than the kids. The fact that I'm not looking for wedding bells and have a well paying job seems to be off putting.

And who said I was only looking to date childless 20 somethings? I'm in my very late 20s. I place more value on brains and education than on free-wheeling life styles.

You are missing my point..

You are 29 yrs old which likely means that men ranging in age from 30 to 36,37 are your target dating pool. A lot of those men are already married,

an even greater number having finished their educations, getting solid careers started are now fully mature, looking to settle down,marry & have kids of their own. Guess who's competing with you for the attentions of these single men? Single, childless women in their 20's.

What you might consider doing is to place a personal ad, spelling out what sort of a relationship you would like, if you are willing to consider men in their early 40's who are so called "confirmed bachelors" or divorced men with kids who also aren't looking for a relationship leading to marriage you might have better luck.

As far as not wanting to remarry, many single parents say this but a great number of them don't really mean it, which is another reason a lot of single people will shy away from dating a single parent. Normal people don't want to hurt other people intentionally,casually dating a single mother is viewed by many as a cad's move, using her for sex, even if the relationship is casual by mutual agreement.

October 3, 2010

Don't take this as an insult brainygirl but you do portray an image of a woman who has a huge wall around would chew up any man who tried to get past it. Maybe you are not like this but that is the impression you give and many men would stay clear. Men are sick and tired of dealing with the baggage left behind by other men.

October 3, 2010

Don't take this as an insult brainygirl but you do portray an image of a woman who has a huge wall around would chew up any man who tried to get past it. Maybe you are not like this but that is the impression you give and many men would stay clear. Men are sick and tired of dealing with the baggage left behind by other men.

I really don't know how to answer that other than to say building relationships takes time and patience. It seems like most people want to go from "hi, you seem nice" to "lets be together forever" in an instant, or keep things permanently casual.

I simply am who I am. I cannot and do not want to pretend to be anything else but what I am. And the more time I spend on this message board the more I feel like the essence of who I am is preventing me from ever fining a loving relationship.

This makes me very sad.

October 3, 2010

OP,

It sounds like you are more interested in a mommy, than in a mate.

You want someone to cook your meals, be at your beck and call, do your homework for you, and coo, and fuss in feigned interest regarding your job.

And did it ever occur to you that someone with that kind of time on her hands is likely looking for a meal ticket?

October 3, 2010

OP,
It sounds like you are more interested in a mommy, than in a mate.
You want someone to cook your meals, be at your beck and call, do your homework for you, and coo, and fuss in feigned interest regarding your job.
And did it ever occur to you that someone with that kind of time on her hands is likely looking for a meal ticket?

Wow...! You know him so well!

and I thought he was just really appreciative of this woman...

and "feigned" interest? you also know this woman UF is dating?

October 3, 2010

Having grown up in Australia and Canada, and living in the US for almost 6 years, I can safely say most American ladies have an incredibly warped and twisted sense of what a relationship should be. Media in this country has totally f*cked things up for both guys and girls, idealizing Love Addiction and other f*cked up personality traits as being the cultural norm here.

I've dated a number of American girls and I have just broken up with the one I thought was different and was going to marry.. But they all have the same patterns.. A crazy sense of entitlement, co-dependancy, and the list goes on.. I travel A LOT for work, and meet woman from all over the world, and have had great relationships with french girls, swedish girls, spanish girls, australia girls, and canadian girls... Gotta say, american girls are usually the MOST boring out of the bunch, and most act the same when it comes to what LOVE really is.. I'm really finding that a lot of women here have troubles being emotionally in tune with themselves as well.

I've also lived on both sides of the US> New York and Southern California.. Granted I now live in Southern California where 96% of the female population here are complete blabbering, materialistic, primadonnas... Hence the slightly negative attitude..

But I'll still stick to my guns, and say that it's damn hard to find a quality girl in what's supposedly the land of "FREEDOM".

Edited October 3, 2010 by michaelc82

October 3, 2010

Having grown up in Australia and Canada, and living in the US for almost 6 years, I can safely say most American ladies have an incredibly warped and twisted sense of what a relationship should be. Media in this country has totally f*cked things up for both guys and girls, idealizing Love Addiction and other f*cked up personality traits as being the cultural norm here.

I've dated a number of American girls and I have just broken up with the one I thought was different and was going to marry.. But they all have the same patterns.. A crazy sense of entitlement, co-dependancy, and the list goes on.. I travel A LOT for work, and meet woman from all over the world, and have had great relationships with french girls, swedish girls, spanish girls, australia girls, and canadian girls... Gotta say, american girls are usually the MOST boring out of the bunch, and most act the same when it comes to what LOVE really is.. I'm really finding that a lot of women here have troubles being emotionally in tune with themselves as well.

I've also lived on both sides of the US> New York and Southern California.. Granted I now live in Southern California where 96% of the female population here are complete blabbering, materialistic, primadonnas... Hence the slightly negative attitude..

But I'll still stick to my guns, and say that it's damn hard to find a quality girl in what's supposedly the land of "FREEDOM".

LOL..."land of freedom" = women who are non-blabbering, materialistic, primadonnas...

...You'll get over her, mate...give it time....

October 3, 2010

I'm Québécois and grew up in Canada just like Michael. Just comparing Canada and the states, there is a huge difference. Like I mentioned earlier, it was the one of the first things I noticed 5 years ago when I moved. It was also rather disturbing. The people in general(men and women alike) have entitlement issues and the media has way too much of an influence.

October 3, 2010

I'm Québécois and grew up in Canada just like Michael. Just comparing Canada and the states, there is a huge difference. Like I mentioned earlier, it was the one of the first things I noticed 5 years ago when I moved. It was also rather disturbing. The people in general(men and women alike) have entitlement issues and the media has way too much of an influence.

y'know...people can always go back to where they came from if they do not like the States....just saying !

October 3, 2010

y'know...people can always go back to where they came from if they do not like the States....just saying !

:lmao: lol Tami

October 3, 2010

:lmao: lol Tami

LOL!!!:lmao:!!!! I kid...I kid...chill people...!!!!!

October 3, 2010

Mad Max, Hear ya loud n' clear and couldn't agree more.. It really is disturbing to see how some people can act!

Is that a new york islanders jersey I see you have on?

October 3, 2010

Mad Max, Hear ya loud n' clear and couldn't agree more.. It really is disturbing to see how some people can act!

Is that a new york islanders jersey I see you have on?

No, it's a Montréal Canadiens jersey.

October 3, 2010

I'm 29 on Tuesday . . . I hate to think that I'm damaged goods, used up and full of baggage at this point in my life.

I've tried the FB/FWB thing and it isn't for me. I'm sorry, I'm just as worthy as any other woman and if they can't treat me so, I'm not interested.

I wouldn't mind a long term boyfriend, but around here they all want to rush into serious relationships leading to marriage or they want a screw buddy and only want to call or make plans when its convenient for them. And forget about planning anything ahead of time.

Forgive me for causing the thread to side track, but american men aren't all that great to date either.

You have baggage and that's the bottom line. You shouldn't blame "american men" because you created the situation you are in. The vast majority of men do not want to get into a serious relationship with a woman with another man's kids. They might play the role for a bit, but all they want is sex. And why does being a FB make you not worthy? You are getting sex and so is he. It's a win/win. Don't lose all hope though, poindexter will come around eventually.

October 3, 2010

You have baggage and that's the bottom line. You shouldn't blame "american men" because you created the situation you are in. The vast majority of men do not want to get into a serious relationship with a woman with another man's kids. They might play the role for a bit, but all they want is sex. And why does being a FB make you not worthy? You are getting sex and so is he. It's a win/win. Don't lose all hope though, poindexter will come around eventually.

I am worthy of a loving relationship, FWB is "hey, your not ugly and I'm horny, commere". I've been there, done that. I want and deserve more. I'd rather do with out (or do for myself) than go down that road again. So no, it isn't a win/win.

And what the heck does the poindexter remark even mean?

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Update: Not Dating American Women Anymore

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