The Man Cave

[Fire Salamander]

This was in Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

 

It's not just a normal cave.. It's the cave of fire breathing dragon.

 

When men retreat into their cave, you'll get burned to ashes if you try to come in or bring us out.

 

Men need to let the women know he'll be back, and come out when he's ready.

 

Women need to let men know she'll be outside and there for him when he decides to come out.

 

Women don't have caves, they have emotional wells. Every once in a while they need to empty it by crying, complaining, etc...

[phineas]

That's just what I call it when a man retreats inside himself. That's why I agreed that the shed analogy is better suited...

 

Like that girl said, why was he yelling at you when you were upset?

Does your mom regularly say things to you that make you upset?

 

One of my x's had so much BS & drama between her & her mom that I just didn't want to hear it any more.

 

If this isn't the situation, then leave the jerk alone in his cave & when he notices your arn't outside of it waiting for him he'll come looking for you.

[tman666]

The purpose of the "man cave" is to allow one to think about the things running through our heads on a more one on one basis and to blow off steam.

 

We men aren't as good at thinking about multiple things at once as women are, so it's good for us to do a strategic retreat sometimes so we can internally sort things out.

[sanskrit]

This was in Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

 

So it was a man, but that guy is a completely unqualified quack, on the par of Dr. Phil, maybe even worse.

[Philetus]

I would like to know a few things:

 

a) Why do men go into their caves, i.e what does it do for you?

b) How can a woman get you out of your cave, or should she leave you be?

c) What are the biggest triggers that push a man into his cave?

 

 

First off, I need to get something straight. You called him for comfort because you were upset by something you're mother said and he yelled at you? And you think you should be apologizing? Unless this is an ongoing thing (ie, you being bullied by your mom and him telling you often to toughen up) I'm not sure you should be apologizing. Anywho... I don't know the whole story.

 

a - I go 'into my cave' when I can no longer talk about an issue. I'm afraid that talking will only get my angrier and lead me to say something that will make the situation worse. I need to be alone with my thoughts and sort things out.

 

b - The only way to get me out is to come with a full apology A peace offering (like bringing a beer) will help, too. However, it's best to let him come out on his own. He'll have done some thinking and may even admit his error. Then you can have great makeup sex. Pushing us at this point makes us shut down more and leads to the 'men don't communicate' myth. We don't want to communicate at this point because we're not thinking clearly and are much more likely to react negatively - we feel backed into a corner.

 

c - The biggest push is anger, frustration, and not having a clear idea of what to do. We need time to think things through, get out emotions in check, so we're making good decisions. Sometimes, we need to wallow in self pity for a time, too.

[pandagirl]

 

a - I go 'into my cave' when I can no longer talk about an issue. I'm afraid that talking will only get my angrier and lead me to say something that will make the situation worse. I need to be alone with my thoughts and sort things out.

 

b - The only way to get me out is to come with a full apology A peace offering (like bringing a beer) will help, too. However, it's best to let him come out on his own. He'll have done some thinking and may even admit his error. Then you can have great makeup sex. Pushing us at this point makes us shut down more and leads to the 'men don't communicate' myth. We don't want to communicate at this point because we're not thinking clearly and are much more likely to react negatively - we feel backed into a corner.

 

c - The biggest push is anger, frustration, and not having a clear idea of what to do. We need time to think things through, get out emotions in check, so we're making good decisions. Sometimes, we need to wallow in self pity for a time, too.

 

Could a repeated cycle of everything you mentioned above, lead to a breakup?

[Feelin Frisky]

Sexist nonsense. Like woman don't sulk or give silent treatments ad nauseum. I resent this man cave/shed horse puckey.

[Philetus]

Could a repeated cycle of everything you mentioned above, lead to a breakup?

 

Of course.

 

Like a lot of people, I used to be horrible at managing conflict. I used to retreat a lot more often and rely on passive/aggressive ways to 'make up for it'.

 

Now, in my 40s, I'm much better at talking about things before they become problems and I can handle criticism well. So, if I was constantly retreating from someone, that would be a huge problem.

[JohnnyBlaze]

I would like to know a few things:

 

a) Why do men go into their caves, i.e what does it do for you?

b) How can a woman get you out of your cave, or should she leave you be?

c) What are the biggest triggers that push a man into his cave?

 

 

A. It lets us get away from a situation for a bit. The only outside contact is a television set. Usually there are no computers and no phones, so we can just step back from the world for a few minutes. Either that, or there's a footy game on*. It's kind of like a spa for men! We go in, we relax and we come out feeling better!

B. Burn it to the ground. If there isn't a game on, we might come out. If there is, we'll wait until halftime. We're in there because we're frustrated at something. Dragging us out prematurely will only aggravate that frustration.

C. Stress. The Cave is a place to get away from everything that requires thought. The biggest thought we want to have in there is "did you see that goal?" It gives us a place to step back and refocus. We play some darts, drink a beer or two, watch some footy and come out, feeling refreshed and ready to go. It's like a guy's version of a spa.

 

*What's the deal with the Grand Final? The championship game happens, regulation time ends in a tie, so you just wait until next week and redo it? Why not OT?

 

Better yet this will tell you what Shed's are best used for:

 

 

Mmm... Carlton... I so miss that stuff! You guys (& gals) got me hooked on that stuff down there, then I come back here and find out that it's not exported here. If I want, though, I can have Foster's. Fosters? FOSTERS? Are you kidding me? I didn't see a single person down there drinking that stuff; that's just tourist beer. That's like what we do with Yanks and Molson Canadian (sorry Americans, it's true); we just tell them that we drink it so they'll all order one when they come up here and leave the good stuff for us!

[sanskrit]

Sexist nonsense. Like woman don't sulk or give silent treatments ad nauseum.

 

They are just going into one of their "woman-funks"

 

"So are you just going to ignore me and go into your man-cave?"

 

"No, I'm going to go surf the man-internet and then go out and cut the man-grass with the man-lawnmower, then maybe go to the man-bar in my man-car and have a man-beer"

[Oxo]

Sexist nonsense. Like woman don't sulk or give silent treatments ad nauseum. I resent this man cave/shed horse puckey.

 

Feelin Frisky - I am not for one second saying women do not sulk etc. I was just talking about a specific situation, it wasn't a generalisation of all males, nor was I saying that all women are perfect communicators who never retreat inside themselves to the "woman cave". Perhaps you should have a read of things properly before you start throwing around the "sexist" catchcry.

[Oxo]

*What's the deal with the Grand Final? The championship game happens, regulation time ends in a tie, so you just wait until next week and redo it? Why not OT?

 

Yeah that made no sense to me either...so are you a Collingwood or a "rest of Australia" supporter?

[Lemontang]

Mmm... Carlton... I so miss that stuff! You guys (& gals) got me hooked on that stuff down there, then I come back here and find out that it's not exported here. If I want, though, I can have Foster's. Fosters? FOSTERS? Are you kidding me?

 

Yeah that made no sense to me either...so are you a Collingwood or a "rest of Australia" supporter?

 

We export Fosters for a reason...we don't drink it here, pity we can't export Collingwood supporters either.

 

Now those guys come their lose next week will redefine the term man cave.

[Seamless74]

I dont know given the O.P.s original comments about said situation, But I would say if it was basically you calling him with a life problem which your were overly emotional about (which is your right) and he patiently let you vent and tried to be supportive and kept patiently listening and eventually you asked him for advice (which you really didnt want because your a big girl right)? and then through either his own ignorance (doubtful at this point) or more likely sheer unadulterated boredom or feeling backed into a corner he made the mistake of offering advice instead of just saying your a big girl and I know you can figure this out for yourself which is the only acceptable answer... Then you probably proceeded to give him **** and yell at him???

 

Thats the reason men withdraw to whatever.... because that type of situation stresses our masculine energy to THE MAX.... and i dont know if its so much we need to recharge i think its we need to escape an impossible situation... so there you go... Just some more advice on the whole "man cave thing" do not go in there ladies or the dragon will spit fire at you... your not welcome in there ... If your really interested in hearing what your man has to say its alot like dealin with your father you dont ask him you wait till he opens his mouth about his feelings and you stand back and let the floodgates open and either sincerely listen or pretend listen like a mother****er just like you expect us to...

 

 

I think alot of marital and relationship problems would be solved if everytime you get to be overly emotional and then get mad at us for coming up with logical solutions we get a pass to go the the strip club for a couple hours.... Think about it the make up sex would be awesome lol...

[Feelin Frisky]

Feelin Frisky - I am not for one second saying women do not sulk etc. I was just talking about a specific situation, it wasn't a generalisation of all males, nor was I saying that all women are perfect communicators who never retreat inside themselves to the "woman cave". Perhaps you should have a read of things properly before you start throwing around the "sexist" catchcry.

"Perhaps" I read the OP and a bunch of responses and came away with the pukey feeling that whether you intended it or not the responses I read seemed to be cosigning this cave bit as some kind of valid generality about men. I mean mancave? You took my comment personally. Perhaps--no--not perhaps--you shouldn't have. You can't control what people say and think once you toss up a thread like this--perhaps you should be prepared for commentary other than what you expect and try not to draw the wrong conclusions and be contentious about it. If you can lighten up and let live then don't post.

[JohnnyBlaze]

Yeah that made no sense to me either...so are you a Collingwood or a "rest of Australia" supporter?

 

I was cheering for the Doggies, but they seemed to forget that there was a game on one day. Sadly, the Saints remembered.

 

We export Fosters for a reason...we don't drink it here, pity we can't export Collingwood supporters either.

 

Now those guys come their lose next week will redefine the term man cave.

No kidding! Even before getting there, I figured you folk never drank Fosters. I tried it up here once, thought it tasted like stale tap water and realized that y'all must've had better taste than that. I tried VB (can't say I liked it), Cascade (pretty good stuff), but Carlton definitely became my thing.