Why is it when we have something stupid to say the words are so easy.. but..

[durkadurka]

When we have something meaningful to say we're usually all at a loss?

 

Today I had an awkward rendezvous with my ex's best friend. She's flying down to visit my ex in 12 days, and she's taking what's left of her stuff down to her. I managed to keep myself pretty well composed, and she was nice enough to say that I look really great, and that it probably has something to do with the fact my ex wasn't around to fatten me up.

 

But it's made today really hard, this week I'm finally finishing clearing everything that had to do with her out of my life. I'm moving out of our apartment, most of our old furniture has been sold, I'm buying new clothes so I'm not stuck wearing the stuff she bought me. While it feels liberating, I feel like I'm writing the final chapter in a book that I didn't want to end. One that shouldn't have ended, but it did.

 

In the end, I made all the moves I could. She didn't open the door despite the fact that in her heart of hearts I know she wanted me back, but could not let herself be vulnerable to me. I sit here knowing I did what I could, but you cannot pry open the door to a safe that is locked shut. In a grand final fall from grace, she told me she was seeing someone. My eradication, my degradation was complete.

 

I want to be positive, I want to be that shining light in her life that I told her I wanted to be. The person that I told her I wanted to be before I ever put her in a position of dating me again. Despite the intense passion that happened during that night, I never ended up getting the opportunity.

 

I've been sitting here on my bed tonight with a choking feeling in my throat, one of apprehension, fear and regret. I've been trying to put it all to paper, in a letter addressed to her, whether I would send it to her or burn it would remain to be seen.

 

So far, I've gotten to 'Dear Anna' and started writing the first sentence and torn the paper up 5 times. I'm not someone who is good with words, I'm not good at expressing my feelings. I can come off as condescending because I use too many words to describe things that could be said in one brief sentence.

 

If I could boil it down to the briefest phrase now it would probably be: 'I hurt.'

 

I regret this because it certainly contributed to the demise of our relationship, and killed our chance of getting back together.

 

Why is it that when we have something important or meaningful to say, we can never discover the words to convey the deep feelings in our heart? To convey affection, love, fear, sadness is near impossible. Nothing I can say or write can do our relationship justice.

 

I sit here pen and paper in hand staring into oblivion knowing that I did my best, and it wasn't good enough. I wish she knew how she has made me feel.

Edited September 27, 2010 by durkadurka

[Trovador]

You have said it... you did all you could... stop wondering if there could have been something else to do...

 

Maybe writing her a letter and then burning it might accomplish something for you... I don't think that letter would elicit a change of heart from your ex... in the worst scenario, she will see you as a very emotional person and that really pisses off some people... I know it too well...

 

It's hard, man, but there is no much to do... just try to live the best you can...

[durkadurka]

You have said it... you did all you could... stop wondering if there could have been something else to do...

 

Maybe writing her a letter and then burning it might accomplish something for you... I don't think that letter would elicit a change of heart from your ex... in the worst scenario, she will see you as a very emotional person and that really pisses off some people... I know it too well...

 

It's hard, man, but there is no much to do... just try to live the best you can...

 

I don't think it would illicit a change either. When she didn't open the door, I told her that we each needed to fix the problems in our lives, that the problems in our relationship haven't changed. I think she saw that as an opportunity to just cut the cord and move on.

 

The only thing I could have done was say that I want her as a part of my future. I told her that in a not so straight forward way that I wanted to better myself so that we could be together.

 

The only reason why I want to send her a letter is because it's very different for me, and I think she is one of those people that doesn't realize what she does to other people.

 

Because no one has ever stopped to tell her.

[lightning]

IF you've dont all you can(besides rocking up on her doorstep) then you can walk away knowing you've tried you're best and for whatever reason everything is as it should be. Trust the process and the universe. Everything happens for a reason. I know it's hard to see this when you feel like you do at the moment but each day is different. Buy the book or audio of Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life and it'll change your mindset and make you really positive about life.

[Trovador]

And do you think she is going to change because of your letter? Or see her wrong ways and regret the whole thing? No, you don't.

 

Possibly, she won't even bother herself to read your message.

 

Look, man, I regret all the time I wasted trying to change my ex and if anything, she got worse... after our break up I thought also of sending her a letter but I knew then that I hadn´t the least right to do it, and above all it wouldn't accomplish anything at all... at least think about it a couple of days...

[durkadurka]

And do you think she is going to change because of your letter? Or see her wrong ways and regret the whole thing? No, you don't.

 

Possibly, she won't even bother herself to read your message.

 

Look, man, I regret all the time I wasted trying to change my ex and if anything, she got worse... after our break up I thought also of sending her a letter but I knew then that I hadn´t the least right to do it, and above all it wouldn't accomplish anything at all... at least think about it a couple of days...

 

 

I haven't even written anything yet.

[fabio10]

Man, I think you are still hung up on

 

1) What this woman thinks of you !

2) Abit of ego hurt she gave up on you !

3) Trying to change her mind !

 

I did write a letter similar to the one you are pondering on doing, mine was long enough trying to describe how I felt and how I viewed her. I sent it...Did it do any good ...NO...did I feel any better for it ....NOT REALLY.

 

You did all you could and I also did all I could, but when someone gives up on you and the relationship there is nothing you can do, it is hard I know, Im still healing but look on the positive side we both can move forward with no regrets, we did all we could. Perhaps someday our ex's might have regrets over our respective relationships but that day could come when they are in a rocking chair or it might never come at all.

 

Move forward dont improve yourself for the benefit of your ex do it for yourself! LIVE who knows what the future holds but you can take positive steps now to influence your future now by picking yourself up. As you said the door could not be opened to this girl but try peering through some other doors eg improving yourself going to the gym etc .

 

take care man !

[isitreal]

If you have anything to say to her do it over the phone. From experience you don't write anything to her, so her friends, relatives, etc. don't have extra ammunition or evidence to think you're needy, crazy, etc. Don't ever send your heart in the form of hard evidence. The person who you used to trust with your heart and deepest secrets is now dead and probably laughing at you with her friends. If you absolutely need to tell her something call her or meet her. If she declines, well, you have your answer.

 

Also from experience, a person changes when they WANT to not because some words make them realize it. Maybe someday she'll figure it out on her own...it's unfortunate that you met her at the wrong time. Think of the biggest changes you've made in your life. the ones I've made have sometimes come from relationships, but usually not from the ex informing me, but rather from being alone and re-evauating life by myself, on my own terms.

Edited September 29, 2010 by isitreal

[durkadurka]

If you have anything to say to her do it over the phone. From experience you don't write anything to her, so her friends, relatives, etc. don't have extra ammunition or evidence to think you're needy, crazy, etc. Don't ever send your heart in the form of hard evidence. The person who you used to trust with your heart and deepest secrets is now dead and probably laughing at you with her friends. If you absolutely need to tell her something call her or meet her. If she declines, well, you have your answer.

 

Also from experience, a person changes when they WANT to not because some words make them realize it. Maybe someday she'll figure it out on her own...it's unfortunate that you met her at the wrong time. Think of the biggest changes you've made in your life. the ones I've made have sometimes come from relationships, but usually not from the ex informing me, but rather from being alone and re-evauating life by myself, on my own terms.

 

Ya I'm not gonna email her, I've been good about not texting or emailing her since she broke things off with me a month ago for good.

 

I'm not going to inform her of anything and I don't expect her to change. Last time I saw her, the one promise I did make her was that I was going to get back to the swagger I had when I first met her, the thing that made her attracted to me.

 

A part of that swagger was not taking crap from anyone, not cowering in weakness, and not taking grief when things could be discussed. She struck me down and expect me to took it, then expected me to be her friend. Sorry bitch, get out.

 

I ain't here to be anyone's friend. If I wanted a friend, I'd be friends with a dude, not a girl. Especially not one who dumped me to move onto older, greener pastures. It's almost like saying, excuse me while I stab you in the back and shake your hand! But lets still pretend everything is cool.

Edited September 29, 2010 by durkadurka