The Philosopher Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 I am currently in a conflict with myself that is making my life more and more miserable by the day. You see, I am of an outlook of life and a belief system where I simply feel that as of this lifetime, a relationship beyond simple companionship or alliances with people is not something that I should be focusing on. I simply feel that there are more important things to worry about in the world today. Rather or not you believe I'm right or wrong is entirely up to you, but it's the way I feel, and the way I wish to feel. So lets not focus on that aspect or your opinion of it. Unfortunately however, my mind seems to be at war with itself. And it needs to end. Now. About six months or so I became friends with a girl that would eventually become the girl I think I'm in love with. I need these feelings for her to end. I need this emotion itself to be eliminated, or at least reduced to the level where more important things are put above it. I don't want a relationship right now or ever quite frankly. Well okay, I want one with her extremely bad and with all my pathetic little heart, but at the same time I don't want myself to want one. How do I end these feelings for her, and how can I make sure they don't return for her or anybody else? I greatly appreciate any comments that I may receive.
witabix Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 You love her, but don't want to? You want to turn off the feeling and not have it return? I think that is impossible. Unless you somehow convince yourself she is a monster or poison to you. But that would be denying the feelings you have for her. Have you had some bad experience that has led you into this impasse? Why do you think you feel this way?
denise_xo Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 You can't. You can't philosophise away love any more than you can philosophise away sorrow, pain, joy or grief... Philosophy can give you different perspectives on life, but it doesn't alter reality.
Author The Philosopher Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 I have indeed had some rather bad experiences with love, or at least what I had thought was love, but that is not why I feel this way, or at least not that I think. Though the only reason I probably wish to get rid of these feelings is because of the situation itself. Yes, my feelings and my thoughts are contradictory, which I don't much care for. I don't want to be in love. But I am, for some reason.
skydiveaddict Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 (edited) I have indeed had some rather bad experiences with love, or at least what I had thought was love, but that is not why I feel this way, or at least not that I think. Though the only reason I probably wish to get rid of these feelings is because of the situation itself. Yes, my feelings and my thoughts are contradictory, which I don't much care for. I don't want to be in love. But I am, for some reason. If you like this girl and she likes you, run with it and don't look back. Philosophy has its place to be sure, but not in matters of the heart. You are cheating yourself. Philosophers get to have fun in life too Edited September 28, 2010 by skydiveaddict
stillafool Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 How do I end these feelings for her, and how can I make sure they don't return for her or anybody else? I greatly appreciate any comments that I may receive. Well the start to this would be to end your relationship with her and not ever speak to her again. However, I must warn you you may never forget her. The only way you can make sure you never develop feelings for another girl would be to stay away from all of them. I don't think any man wants to live their life that way. Why can't you have a relationship with the one you love and still reach your goals in life?
skydiveaddict Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 The only way you can make sure you never develop feelings for another girl would be to stay away from all of them. I don't think any man wants to live their life that way. ? I do............
denise_xo Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 I have indeed had some rather bad experiences with love, or at least what I had thought was love, but that is not why I feel this way, or at least not that I think. Though the only reason I probably wish to get rid of these feelings is because of the situation itself. Yes, my feelings and my thoughts are contradictory, which I don't much care for. I don't want to be in love. But I am, for some reason. Feelings and thoughts being in contradiction is an inherent feature of life, and I think you just need to accept and deal with it. Emotions are also central to decision making processes (e.g. read the neuroscientist Antonio Damasio - The Feeling of What Happens).
TaraMaiden Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 How do I end these feelings for her, and how can I make sure they don't return for her or anybody else? I greatly appreciate any comments that I may receive. First of all, you admit to her how you feel. Then you break off the relationship with her, completely, once and for all, without malice or hostility. Then, you consider whether you require a deeper, more ordered and regimented discipline to help you in your quest. But note - this would not be your primary objective. it would simply be part of the package. Consider a monastic life. The only way you can make sure you never develop feelings for another girl would be to stay away from all of them. I don't think any man wants to live their life that way. Monks can - and do. Why can't you have a relationship with the one you love and still reach your goals in life? Because a relationship is attachment, and an attachment is a distraction. If you decide to lead a monastic life, this would be the greatest discipline you could enter into. If however, you wish to continue leading a lay life, then this will be tantamount to the biggest personal challenge you could ever imagine facing up to. because as a layperson, it is not obligatory, nor recommended.... I do............ Then the same advice would go for you, too.
Author The Philosopher Posted September 30, 2010 Author Posted September 30, 2010 First of all, while I may like this girl, she doesn't like me back. And I have already broken off contact with her (actually, she rather broke off contact with me..). But no, I certainly have not forgotten her. Perhaps I'll forget her someday, but with the impact she has had on my life, I highly doubt it.. I don't think that staying away from every girl is even possible, considering there are over 3,000,000,000 of them on the planet, mostly evenly distributed among us. Do I want to live my life this way? Well, yes and no. I do wish that I could simply overlook all of the problems that need to be solved. But alas, that would be rather selfish of me I believe. TaraMaiden was right on the ball as to my reasons why I feel I can't live this way, at least without working to my absolute full potential to accomplish what I wish to do. I understand that feelings and thoughts being in contradiction if a feature of life, and I have indeed accepted this. But the question is, HOW do I deal with it? And emotions can be central to the decision making process, but they can also cause people to make irrational (wrong) decisions. Look what emotions caused Anakin Skywalker to do in Star Wars. I have admitted to her how I feel already, awhile back actually. And our relationship has been broken off anyway..I wish it could have been with a lack of hostility, but the only reason it broke off (and, likely, the reason I've come to fear love so much) was because of a rather hostile situation. Now I encounter a problem. A monastic life would indeed be a great discipline. But you see, the problem I encounter with this is that from what little I understand of this lifestyle (please, correct me if I'm completely wrong, I know little to nothing about it), any form of large-scale (perhaps even global) endeavor is made rather difficult, if not impossible, by this. Am I dead wrong? I honestly know nothing about monasteries. But I'm also not planning to live an average modern upper-class life either. If I learn more about it, a monastic lifestyle could be a possibility. But I am not at all interested in a luxurious lifestyle. As long as I have what I need for my health, then that is all I need. But I also want the capability to use the resources I have to make a difference.
skydiveaddict Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 First of all, while I may like this girl, she doesn't like me back. And I have already broken off contact with her (actually, she rather broke off contact with me..). But no, I certainly have not forgotten her. Perhaps I'll forget her someday, but with the impact she has had on my life, I highly doubt it.. . I doubt it to. I can't forget my ex either. But there are many many more women out there for you to meet. So go do it. Being alone sucks.
Author The Philosopher Posted September 30, 2010 Author Posted September 30, 2010 Haha, I will certainly admit to the fact that it "sucks" my friend. But alas, think of where else I could be. I could be starving to death, dehydrated, and dying of AIDS. I could have no home, no money, nothing but sickness. Yes, things such as a girl not living us do indeed cause pain, absolutely. And knowing that there are others worse off than me out there doesn't really make me feel better. But what it DOES do is inspire me to try and fix the major problems before I go and try to fix the minor ones.
CLC2008 Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 I don't think you can. But if you find a way how to, please share....
skydiveaddict Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Haha, . But what it DOES do is inspire me to try and fix the major problems before I go and try to fix the minor ones. You can do all that with a woman by your side.
Author The Philosopher Posted October 1, 2010 Author Posted October 1, 2010 This is true. BUT it's also true that you can do MORE without the distraction of a relationship such as the one we are discussing.
Tayla Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 Strictly on this topic -I usually refer guys over to Woggle..he's the guru in how not to respect or even like the opposite gender... Otherwise try the decent thing and embrace the fact that you are human, have feelings and have goals....just gotta level some things out in order to move forward in your life ambitions..ohhh need I mention...Life rarely goes the way you planned...enjoy the ride!
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