A veteran speaks

[camel's toe]

Hi

I am new here, been cruising for a while. I would like to share my experiences, firstly, for selfish reasons as it is cathartic to do so and secondly in the hope that what I have been through may help someone else.

 

I'm in my early thirties. I've been involved with four different married men and I can say that it was hell. None of them left their wife for me and all of the experiences just ended with me believing that this was all I was worth.

 

I speak in the past tense; something has changed. After my last disastrous relationship (he was single but emotionally unavailable), I decided the only way for me was to take a total break from men. Its been a year now. It was really hard at first but I had to let the poison out. Its almost gone now. I'm so happy and I don't want anything to change that.

 

My married co-worker has been pursuing me for about 9 months. About a month ago he told me he wanted to kiss me and God I wanted to. But I think my year out gave me the strength to say no. And 20-20 vision. So I told him, no, I really like you but I'm not going there. I refuse to be your bit on the side. It would be utter carnage. I'd be hurt. I told him my story and said that if I were to go there it's be like going backwards for me.

 

He is still trying. Can you believe he has gone abroad with the wife (they've no kids) and is still messaging me? I'm not replying. Because I held off even kissing him, I've managed to remain in control of my emotions and see the situation for what it really is. I do like him but, as I told him, I like myself more!!!

 

Men being men, this probably makes him more determined than ever. But, if it comes up, I will tell him - the only way you will ever get with me is if you get a divorce. No separation, no moving out, no trial period - divorce her and then come to me. I may or may not still be around.

 

Face it, hes not gonna take that risk so, to my mind, he is not the one for me.

 

If anyone finds themself thinking of getting involved with a married guy - stop. This is your chance to save your heart. Try to be strong and tell him NO. Do it before you fall in love and you can't get out.

[siuys]

You're right camels toe. I learnt my lesson. Took me 8 months but i learnt it. Thing is, most people can only learn from their own mistakes. By being on this forum, I hope others learn faster, because I think no matter what we tell them, they would initially think their situation is different, unique, special with the amazing connection, attraction, yada yada yada... I had never been with an emotionally unavailable man before so it was a shock to the system and hell to my well being. NEVER AGAIN will I do that. Not worth it.

[camel's toe]

Yes I think we are all obstinate people and think exactly that. But it never too late. I am so happy now I've got myself back and I feel superhuman! To all I would say hold on for dear life and you will get there.

[desertIslandCactus]

I surely do agree. And I think that ever becoming involved w a MM is enough to repulse one from doing it again .. These men are so selfish and glutonous as to embrace their own lives while taking in yours as well.

 

And from what I have already read, aside from internet .. the worksite appears to be a breeding ground for this 'mating' .. (pity the employers) ..

[fooled once]

You're right camels toe. I learnt my lesson. Took me 8 months but i learnt it. Thing is, most people can only learn from their own mistakes. By being on this forum, I hope others learn faster, because I think no matter what we tell them, they would initially think their situation is different, unique, special with the amazing connection, attraction, yada yada yada... I had never been with an emotionally unavailable man before so it was a shock to the system and hell to my well being. NEVER AGAIN will I do that. Not worth it.

 

I agree.

 

And many think "oh, he messages me every morning and every night" -- as if this means something SO huge It isn't. It doesn't take anything to send a text or an email. To me, that is no different than sending a co worker an text saying "I am running late" or "have a good night". Texting isn't personal; it takes no effort.

 

And you are right -- each person believes "their" love is unique, special, once in a life time, etc.......

 

To me, unique, special, once in a life time is love that two people only give to each other - a commitment that 2 people share to be the only ones for each other. It doesn't include a spouse or a significant other. It is done with respect, with loyalty and with pride. Someone who loves you should want to shout it from the rooftops and NOT go home to someone else after a tryst. It shouldn't be a text, a phone call or a quick run by for an interlude. Love shouldn't be in secret or in hiding.

 

But that is just my views and how I view love. That is how I want to be loved - fully, openly and completely.

[Angel1111]

Four married men??? Are you kidding me? Not trying to be mean but why did it take so long to get your head straight on this issue?

 

It's good that you didn't cave in to this recent MM but, seriously, if you were really 'there', you wouldn't even be tempted by this guy. MM should be a complete turn-off to you. Before I got involved with xMM, I was never interested in a guy if he was married. Knowing a guy is married is the instant dealbreaker. I had total bad judgement with xMM and it's not a mistake I'll ever make again. If a MM came on to me now, I'd probably be so rude to him he'd be afraid to approach me again. I think you're doing something to make this man think he has a chance with you. Instead of ignoring him, send him a response that he'll never forget. Then he'll leave you alone for good. But you will only do that if you really want him to disappear.

 

I think you see it as a compliment when a MM is attracted to you and makes advances toward you. I can tell you that it isn't. It's actually an insult. When you come to terms with this fact, you'll change your attitude towards all MM who act interested in you. You would be smart to turn off every single feeling you have toward this man. You don't want him even if he divorces his wife because he has already proven to you that he'll cheat on his wife - that means he'd cheat on you if you were his wife.

Edited September 27, 2010 by Angel1111

[Confused4Now]

I think you see it as a compliment when a MM is attracted to you and makes advances toward you. I can tell you that it isn't. It's actually an insult. When you come to terms with this fact, you'll change your attitude towards all MM who act interested in you. You would be smart to turn off every single feeling you have toward this man. You don't want him even if he divorces his wife because he has already proven to you that he'll cheat on his wife - that means he'd cheat on you if you were his wife.

Wow...that is so the truth it's not even funny. Me being a xMM but got divorced can say Angel is dead on with this statement. Why would you want a person who is married when they are about to prove to you they cheat. I think all of us who's been in a situation which didn't turn out for us....I can say I'm so turned off by any MW that come onto me. funny how things change.

 

Like Angel also said...."I had total bad judgment with xMW and it's not a mistake I'll ever make again." That whole situation looking back disgusts me now....

Edited September 27, 2010 by Confused4Now

[WowReally]

Hi

I am new here, been cruising for a while. I would like to share my experiences, firstly, for selfish reasons as it is cathartic to do so and secondly in the hope that what I have been through may help someone else.

 

I'm in my early thirties. I've been involved with four different married men and I can say that it was hell. None of them left their wife for me and all of the experiences just ended with me believing that this was all I was worth.

 

I speak in the past tense; something has changed. After my last disastrous relationship (he was single but emotionally unavailable), I decided the only way for me was to take a total break from men. Its been a year now. It was really hard at first but I had to let the poison out. Its almost gone now. I'm so happy and I don't want anything to change that.

 

My married co-worker has been pursuing me for about 9 months. About a month ago he told me he wanted to kiss me and God I wanted to. But I think my year out gave me the strength to say no. And 20-20 vision. So I told him, no, I really like you but I'm not going there. I refuse to be your bit on the side. It would be utter carnage. I'd be hurt. I told him my story and said that if I were to go there it's be like going backwards for me.

 

He is still trying. Can you believe he has gone abroad with the wife (they've no kids) and is still messaging me? I'm not replying. Because I held off even kissing him, I've managed to remain in control of my emotions and see the situation for what it really is. I do like him but, as I told him, I like myself more!!!

 

Men being men, this probably makes him more determined than ever. But, if it comes up, I will tell him - the only way you will ever get with me is if you get a divorce. No separation, no moving out, no trial period - divorce her and then come to me. I may or may not still be around.

 

Face it, hes not gonna take that risk so, to my mind, he is not the one for me.

 

If anyone finds themself thinking of getting involved with a married guy - stop. This is your chance to save your heart. Try to be strong and tell him NO. Do it before you fall in love and you can't get out.

 

Amen - although this makes sense to us who have been there done that some lessons in life need to be experienced (sometimes many times) before the lesson is truly learned.

[Steadfast]

 

I think you see it as a compliment when a MM is attracted to you and makes advances toward you. I can tell you that it isn't. It's actually an insult. When you come to terms with this fact, you'll change your attitude towards all MM who act interested in you. You would be smart to turn off every single feeling you have toward this man. You don't want him even if he divorces his wife because he has already proven to you that he'll cheat on his wife - that means he'd cheat on you if you were his wife.

 

 

Great insight Angel and very true. This is a proper mindset.

 

Short story; I considered my ex wife (over 16 years married, two kids) the true and profound love of my life. I cherished her. Did I have faults? Yes, but my actions and attitudes towards her left no doubt. She knows this still.

 

Her first affair was with a much younger man; lust sex, as she put it. It didn't take much convincing to get her to leave the house and she followed that affair with another divorced man who was closer to her age. I filed.

 

...but I still loved her. In fact, I was hoping against hope that she would escape the fog and come home to her brokenhearted husband and children. She flirted with this for awhile, wavering, then backed away again. Needing some clarification, I managed to coax the information out of her. Yes, she had fallen for yet another man, and while her previous affairs were more physical than emotional, this one was different. He was married with kids but that was of little concern to her. He was desperately unhappy and now that he had found her, knew what he wanted. Her problem? He wouldn't leave...but that (according to her) was because his wife would devastate him financially and keep his kids from him. Poor guy.

 

At that point, the love and respect I had left for my wife vanished. Her selfishness had reached new levels. It was as if someone had turned on a light, allowing me to see her and the situation for what it really was. The fact that she was so willing to put yet another family (and innocent kids!) through pain and suffering just to get what she (for the time being) wanted made me realize that not only would we never get back together, but that I didn't want to. Almost two-decades of love and life, wiped out by the realization of what this woman had become. She continues to occasionally cast her line, but I'm emotionally gone. Who really wants that life?

 

And if I feel that way OP, you can bet your ass other men -and women- do too. Quite frankly your history is tainted enough, but I think you're on the right path now. View advances from a married man as a true indicator of his character, or lack of it. Be insulted by his desire that you support it.

 

Demand better.

Edited September 27, 2010 by Steadfast

[WowReally]

MM should be a complete turn-off to you. Before I got involved with xMM, I was never interested in a guy if he was married. Knowing a guy is married is the instant dealbreaker. I had total bad judgement with xMM and it's not a mistake I'll ever make again. If a MM came on to me now, I'd probably be so rude to him he'd be afraid to approach me again.

 

Ditto

 

You don't want him even if he divorces his wife because he has already proven to you that he'll cheat on his wife - that means he'd cheat on you if you were his wife.

 

Mmmmm I dont buy the once a cheat always a cheat though...I think if he really made an effort to get out of a marriage he's really looking for something to change long term.

 

It's the man who stays with the wife he's cheated on multiple times that isnt ready for a long term change. Immediate change yes but I think over time and once the reconciliation between the married couple has gotten old the serial cheater will find a way to cheat again.

[Angel1111]

Ditto

 

 

 

Mmmmm I dont buy the once a cheat always a cheat though...I think if he really made an effort to get out of a marriage he's really looking for something to change long term.

 

It's the man who stays with the wife he's cheated on multiple times that isnt ready for a long term change. Immediate change yes but I think over time and once the reconciliation between the married couple has gotten old the serial cheater will find a way to cheat again.

 

I agree. I don't believe in the 'once a cheater, always a cheater' theory, either, but in this case, I don't get the impression that this guy has any significant relationship with OP. It sounds like he's just looking for someone to cheat with.

[camel's toe]

Four married men??? Are you kidding me? Not trying to be mean but why did it take so long to get your head straight on this issue?

 

It's good that you didn't cave in to this recent MM but, seriously, if you were really 'there', you wouldn't even be tempted by this guy. MM should be a complete turn-off to you. Before I got involved with xMM, I was never interested in a guy if he was married. Knowing a guy is married is the instant dealbreaker. I had total bad judgement with xMM and it's not a mistake I'll ever make again. If a MM came on to me now, I'd probably be so rude to him he'd be afraid to approach me again. I think you're doing something to make this man think he has a chance with you. Instead of ignoring him, send him a response that he'll never forget. Then he'll leave you alone for good. But you will only do that if you really want him to disappear.

 

I think you see it as a compliment when a MM is attracted to you and makes advances toward you. I can tell you that it isn't. It's actually an insult. When you come to terms with this fact, you'll change your attitude towards all MM who act interested in you. You would be smart to turn off every single feeling you have toward this man. You don't want him even if he divorces his wife because he has already proven to you that he'll cheat on his wife - that means he'd cheat on you if you were his wife.

 

Truthfully, I know that I still have some work to do. I left myself open to it. Allowed a bit of affection to grow I think. Because I know him.

 

I was stronger with this guy than I had been in the past but there must be something I'm doing that makes him think "she'll be up for it". And that annoys me cos I think, what am I doing that marks me out as this blooming scarlet woman!! This is something I am going to work on now, to get that message across loud and clear. We work together and that isn't going to change. So I can't do the traditional thing of not speaking to him. But I am still determined to get there.

 

I agree about the insult thing. That had kind of been nagging at me subconsciously. I am a bit flattered by his attentions and find them amusing, I admit that. Yet, fortunately, not entirely so by any means. I can really see through them and they irritate me and I think he is being a bit pathetic.

 

I actually cannot respect him. After he'd been married about 18months he fell in love with someone else and left the wife for her. This OW didn't want him to leave the wife and he scuttled back to the wife with his tail between his legs! And about a year after that he cheated on the wife again - twice. And now I'm the latest get-out-clause or potential bit-on-the-side. He is too weak to change things. Not the kind of man I want.

 

Part of me is angry for the very reasons you say - the insult. I find the assumption by him that he can have me for nothing and that I would be satisfied by so very little, offensive. The assumption that he would even stand a chance in these circumstances - its like, what the hell are you on!!

 

Yep four married men but there will never be a fifth. I like myself too much now for that. Why did I do it? Self-esteem issues for sure. Truthfully, I hated myself. I thought I was ugly and disgusting. Seriously. From aged about 8 I thought that. I was utterly deluded cos if you saw a picture of me you'd see a normal attractive girl. But I completely believed it and I think once you do, you tend to live your life accordingly. Thats why I took (am taking) the time out to sort myself out BIG TIME. I have my bad days (PMT) but I don't feel like that any more. I am always bigging myself up in my head and acting "as if" and finding it works.

[fooled once]

Hi

My married co-worker has been pursuing me for about 9 months. About a month ago he told me he wanted to kiss me and God I wanted to. But I think my year out gave me the strength to say no. And 20-20 vision. So I told him, no, I really like you but I'm not going there. I refuse to be your bit on the side. It would be utter carnage. I'd be hurt. I told him my story and said that if I were to go there it's be like going backwards for me.

 

He is still trying. Can you believe he has gone abroad with the wife (they've no kids) and is still messaging me? I'm not replying. Because I held off even kissing him, I've managed to remain in control of my emotions and see the situation for what it really is. I do like him but, as I told him, I like myself more!!!

 

 

Truthfully' date=' I know that I still have some work to do. I left myself open to it. [b']Allowed a bit of affection to grow I think[/b]. Because I know him.

 

I was stronger with this guy than I had been in the past but there must be something I'm doing that makes him think "she'll be up for it". And that annoys me cos I think, what am I doing that marks me out as this blooming scarlet woman!! This is something I am going to work on now, to get that message across loud and clear. We work together and that isn't going to change. So I can't do the traditional thing of not speaking to him. But I am still determined to get there.

 

I agree about the insult thing. That had kind of been nagging at me subconsciously. I am a bit flattered by his attentions and find them amusing, I admit that. Yet, fortunately, not entirely so by any means. I can really see through them and they irritate me and I think he is being a bit pathetic.

 

I actually cannot respect him. After he'd been married about 18months he fell in love with someone else and left the wife for her. This OW didn't want him to leave the wife and he scuttled back to the wife with his tail between his legs! And about a year after that he cheated on the wife again - twice. And now I'm the latest get-out-clause or potential bit-on-the-side. He is too weak to change things. Not the kind of man I want.

 

Part of me is angry for the very reasons you say - the insult. I find the assumption by him that he can have me for nothing and that I would be satisfied by so very little, offensive. The assumption that he would even stand a chance in these circumstances - its like, what the hell are you on!!

 

Yep four married men but there will never be a fifth. I like myself too much now for that. Why did I do it? Self-esteem issues for sure. Truthfully, I hated myself. I thought I was ugly and disgusting. Seriously. From aged about 8 I thought that. I was utterly deluded cos if you saw a picture of me you'd see a normal attractive girl. But I completely believed it and I think once you do, you tend to live your life accordingly. Thats why I took (am taking) the time out to sort myself out BIG TIME. I have my bad days (PMT) but I don't feel like that any more. I am always bigging myself up in my head and acting "as if" and finding it works.

 

So how do you go from meeting a co-worker to the co-worker telling you that he wants to kiss you? I can honestly say I have never had a co-worker tell me that and I got to be good friends with many of them. There must have been hints from you --- which is what I don't understand. Are you engaging in inappropriate behavior (words/actions) with him that caused the professional working relationship boundaries to be erased? I just don't understand that. I have bosses who are male who I get to know EXTREMELY well ... but NEVER have I had a conversation about kissing them!! How totally inappropriate at the workplace. You know he is married and yet you are still in a position where once again, here is a MM who you want to kiss! I guess I don't understand it.

 

If you are really serious, you will put the boundaries firmly back in place and let it be known to the MM that you will NOT be engaging in any after work activities (texting) nor will you be entertaining the idea of an affair with him any longer. Put the relationship back into a professional one.

[camel's toe]

So how do you go from meeting a co-worker to the co-worker telling you that he wants to kiss you? I can honestly say I have never had a co-worker tell me that and I got to be good friends with many of them. There must have been hints from you --- which is what I don't understand. Are you engaging in inappropriate behavior (words/actions) with him that caused the professional working relationship boundaries to be erased? I just don't understand that. I have bosses who are male who I get to know EXTREMELY well ... but NEVER have I had a conversation about kissing them!! How totally inappropriate at the workplace. You know he is married and yet you are still in a position where once again, here is a MM who you want to kiss! I guess I don't understand it.

 

If you are really serious, you will put the boundaries firmly back in place and let it be known to the MM that you will NOT be engaging in any after work activities (texting) nor will you be entertaining the idea of an affair with him any longer. Put the relationship back into a professional one.

 

I work on a small team and he joined our team. No funny business has gone on in work time. What happened is he sent me a text saying that he wanted to kiss me. I made a joke back like you cheeky so and so sort of thing which I shouldn't have - I should have put him straight.

 

A few days later we were at a work drinks thing and we spoke at length about it. Thats when I told him no.

 

How it started is we get on well and he was always telling me he liked me. I'd say we are good friends at work and he would always look out for me. It kind of became a joke on the team that he likes me. I probably have encouraged this by not doing anything to stop it and, to be honest, flirting too much. It didn't occur to me to stop it. I was amused by his "crush". After a while I started liking him too - more personality at first. I allowed myself the indulgence of this and thats where the affection grew. I allowed myself to get too close to him and he to me (in an emotional sense) and I started to fancy him.

 

Until that text about kissing me, we rarely texted, apart from mundane, work-related things. It wasn't something I took seriously. I kept what I felt in my head and had/have no intention of acting on it. We'd been joking around but no-one had ever been serious.

 

I think he just got the courage to send that text and I have encouraged him - I must have done. Not explicitly, implicitly. Hes pretty brazen. It might seem weird that someone would do that - kind of out of the blue - but thats the kind of thing he would do.

 

I was a bit weak but I am human so I am not going to beat myself up about it. I've wobbled but I can keep going. I have confidence in myself.

[Angel1111]

I think he just got the courage to send that text and I have encouraged him - I must have done. Not explicitly, implicitly. Hes pretty brazen. It might seem weird that someone would do that - kind of out of the blue - but thats the kind of thing he would do.

 

I was a bit weak but I am human so I am not going to beat myself up about it. I've wobbled but I can keep going. I have confidence in myself.

 

I don't think he was all that brazen because you did encourage him a lot. I'm not saying that to beat you up, I'm saying it so that you understand what you're doing to create these situations. You would do well to develop a new policy in your life: Steer clear of married men. Period. It's simple - if he's married, he's off-limits. It doesn't matter if he's miserably married, if he hates his wife, if they have sex only when Jupiter aligns with Mars, if he's considering a separation, if he IS separated. Treat married men like they have leprosy - that includes no flirting, long talks, texting, walks on the beach, whatever. Steer. Clear.

[BB07]

I don't think he was all that brazen because you did encourage him a lot. I'm not saying that to beat you up, I'm saying it so that you understand what you're doing to create these situations. You would do well to develop a new policy in your life: Steer clear of married men. Period. It's simple - if he's married, he's off-limits. It doesn't matter if he's miserably married, if he hates his wife, if they have sex only when Jupiter aligns with Mars, if he's considering a separation, if he IS separated. Treat married men like they have leprosy - that includes no flirting, long talks, texting, walks on the beach, whatever. Steer. Clear.

 

:laugh:Your post made me laugh because it's funny in the extreme examples, but yet its true. Just to add a bit, MM and separated men (wonder why I had to include that?) do have leprosy and it's contagious and deadly and it will leave you with scars that will take a long time to fade.

[Spark1111]

:laugh:Your post made me laugh because it's funny in the extreme examples, but yet its true. Just to add a bit, MM and separated men (wonder why I had to include that?) do have leprosy and it's contagious and deadly and it will leave you with scars that will take a long time to fade.

 

Listen, I work in a corporate environment with many, many men. If someone attempts an off color joke, a flirt, a whatever....they are usually frozen out, ok?

 

It insulting to confident, intelligent women to be hit on by ANY man in the workplace, but especially a MM needing to feel like a stud again.

 

Sheesh!

 

But I have a newly-divorced colleague with little self-esteem who is like 17 again. She laughs at every smarmy joke or comment; gives them her undivided attention; has basically NO STANDARDS because she loves the attention, ANY attention from ANY man.

 

And they smell it like a shark in bloodied waters. And they are telling her whatever she needs to hear to get a rise? a flirt? See how far she will let them go? Push the envelope? Get a little something on the side?

 

Pullleaze deal with your self-esteem in therapy and STOP being an easy mark for bored MM.

 

You are worth more than that.

[2sure]

Because you confided in him that you had been involved with a MM before...he is going to think his odds are even better if he only keeps persuing. What a pain.

 

If I were you I would tell him: I am not attracted to you.

 

No need to tell him why. You are not attracted to him because he is married, but now he isnt going to believe that...so, if you simply state you just do not find him attractive...you have a better chance of ditching his attentions.

[BB07]

Listen, I work in a corporate environment with many, many men. If someone attempts an off color joke, a flirt, a whatever....they are usually frozen out, ok?

 

It insulting to confident, intelligent women to be hit on by ANY man in the workplace, but especially a MM needing to feel like a stud again.

 

Sheesh!

 

But I have a newly-divorced colleague with little self-esteem who is like 17 again. She laughs at every smarmy joke or comment; gives them her undivided attention; has basically NO STANDARDS because she loves the attention, ANY attention from ANY man.

 

And they smell it like a shark in bloodied waters. And they are telling her whatever she needs to hear to get a rise? a flirt? See how far she will let them go? Push the envelope? Get a little something on the side?

 

Pullleaze deal with your self-esteem in therapy and STOP being an easy mark for bored MM.

 

You are worth more than that.

 

Spark..........since you quoted my post, it kinda looks like you meant that remark about self esteem and being an easy mark toward me. Hey I know you didn't....but it looks that way.

 

On the other hand.....I am the first to admit that I have some issues, but getting my strokes from off color remarks and jokes from unavailable men isn't one of them. I've always been well behaved in that regard so hey at least I've done something right.

[camel's toe]

True true. I feel that I have set some boundaries but not yet enough of them. So I still have more work to do and I am ready to do it.

 

Back in the day I would have analysed this guy to within an inch of his life and felt sorry for him with his "unhappy marriage". When you are involved with them you do that, I suppose you try to save them (vomit). Now, I'm like huh you made your bed, go and lie in it. I have given him signals but I'm fortunate to have seen sense before any real damage is done. He is just thinking with his appendage and I'm grateful that I can keep a clearer head. I can see the utter carnage that would result. He can't see it cos he has nothing to lose. It will be me crying into my supper - not him. These men are like dogs.

 

What kind of prompted me to make the original post in the first place was the fact that some people I know had been saying "oh go on, it'll be fun" and I was the one saying to them "what the heck! can't you see the disaster written all over it?!" And they couldn't see it 'cos they hadn't been there. I mean, we work together for goodness sake. I can see the outcome now if I'd done anything - me falling for him and going mental when I can't have him. I'm like "phew" because I have saved myself the pain. If there are women who can just have the physical thing with a MM and walk away unscathed, I can't understand how they do it! I could never do that which is why I must steer well clear indeed.

[camel's toe]

. It doesn't matter if he's miserably married, if he hates his wife, if they have sex only when Jupiter aligns with Mars, if he's considering a separation, if he IS separated. Treat married men like they have leprosy - that includes no flirting, long talks, texting, walks on the beach, whatever. Steer. Clear.

 

Oh yeah they do try to tell you all these things. OMG they always try to make out they are not having sex with the wife and you just KNOW they so are. And if they really are not (don't believe it) then diddums anyway. It reminds me of an incident, when I was involved with MM2, I was so naive then. I thought he wasn't sleeping with her. One day he made some comment (to me) about "I was in so&so shop buying condoms..." and I remember thinking "what! I thought you didn't have sex with her!" and being totally mortified.

 

I wouldn't date anyone separated now either. I'm that suspicious. You can't be sure in that situation. A guy at the gym asked me out and I assumed he was single to be asking me out and then he said "Oh I do still live with my wife by the way but we are separating." I was like NO WAY and that was that. Still living with the wife...yeah probably would still be living with her in a year's time. You know it. I even feel like I would want to see the divorce papers if I met a divorcee.

[Angel1111]

Oh yeah they do try to tell you all these things. OMG they always try to make out they are not having sex with the wife and you just KNOW they so are. And if they really are not (don't believe it) then diddums anyway. It reminds me of an incident, when I was involved with MM2, I was so naive then. I thought he wasn't sleeping with her. One day he made some comment (to me) about "I was in so&so shop buying condoms..." and I remember thinking "what! I thought you didn't have sex with her!" and being totally mortified.

 

I wouldn't date anyone separated now either. I'm that suspicious. You can't be sure in that situation. A guy at the gym asked me out and I assumed he was single to be asking me out and then he said "Oh I do still live with my wife by the way but we are separating." I was like NO WAY and that was that. Still living with the wife...yeah probably would still be living with her in a year's time. You know it. I even feel like I would want to see the divorce papers if I met a divorcee.

 

I'm sure there are some men who are being truthful about not having sex with their wives - but what does that have to do with anything where you or any other woman is concerned? If he wants out of the marriage, then he needs to get out. And until that time, he's still married. The weird thing about your MM2 is why would he use condoms with his wife? Most married people don't do this. My guess is that he probably had another OW. Just a thought.

 

The real reason why you don't want to date someone who's separated or recently divorced is because they're too fresh out of a relationship. They need some time to breath and figure things out. Usually if they start dating someone right after a divorce or separation, the relationship won't last. Not always but most of the time. It's really not about trust, it's about that person not being ready for another relationship - no matter how much they think they are.

[camel's toe]

The weird thing about your MM2 is why would he use condoms with his wife? Most married people don't do this. My guess is that he probably had another OW. Just a thought.

 

OMG yeah I never thought of that what a dog. God, these MM. Every day I am seeing new things that they get up to. It is like truth serum. People need to know this cos at the time you just don't even think it. I'm kinda glad I didn't cotton on to that idea at the time cos I STILL WOULD HAVE HUNG IN THERE and probably gone mental trying to make excuses for him. Yuck. Thank God it is well in the past now.