WTF broke up with my ex but she stays she isnt leaving me

[Bunjyboy]

Hello people

 

Cut a long story short. My ex gf dumped me 2 weeks ago seemingly out of the blue (we had only been togther 3 months but it was a very intense relationship with declarations of love etc). Anyway I didnt see this coming and it crushed me. She basically said she 'wasnt ready for a serious relationship' and that 'she needs a break'.

 

Anyway another factor is that shes moving abroad for 6 months in 4 days. Now we had agreed (before breakup obv) that we would attempt an LDR whilst she was away. Since breaking up two weeks ago shes maintained regular contact with me (txting daily mainly) and still tells me that she loves me and wants to be with me etc.

 

Lastnite we arranged to meet as It would be the last time we would get to see each other before she moved. I figured it was mainly to clear the air as I was at the point where slowly but surely I was starting to move on and get over her. However lastnite made everything much worse. She still held the line that 'she wasnt ready' and stuff. But was very affectionate towards me, was really happy to be with me and bascially told me I am the only guy she wants to be with and told me shes 'crazy' about me. I was obviously weary of all this as it could just have been cheap talk but her actions proved otherwise and she seemed to be happier than ever when close to me and couldnt stop smiling/kissing me. Im confident she does indeed still like me and has missed me.

 

She said she thinks after some space and when we both get on with our own lives thinks mite work out for us. She also said she 'doesnt want to leave me but needs time to rest'. She also told me she still wants to maintain regular contact with me once she gone. I dont know what the hell is going on because I figure if she really did want to be with me she would go for it.

 

I think its worth pointing out that during the time leading upto when she called it off she was under severe pressure and stress in work and family life and she has been very down and depressed recently. Also Ive probably not helped as I had been very keen to see her as much as possible before she leaves and ontop of her working 12 hour shifts my attitude probably caused a fair bit of pressure.

 

I figure its well and truly over, what you think people??? I dont want to be waiting around for some woman in another country who has basically called it off but on the other hand I have a very strong gut feeling that its not really the end for us (I realise this may be wishful thinking but things dont seem that way).

 

My heads a mess

Edited September 26, 2010 by Bunjyboy

[durkadurka]

Oh god another one of these. I have an idea, stick your head in the ****ing sand and just pretend life is surreal and this has gotta be a joke and do your own thing.

 

Honestly, as men, we're too rational. Sometimes you just have to say Oh man WTF and give a big sigh.

[The-Zen-Warrior]

Bunjyboy :

 

You know, these type of stories never cease to amaze me! "let's break up", "how about dinner for two", "want to do a dinner and a movie", "let's break up", "how about lunch", "I want to smother you with kisses", "let's break up", "I want to hold you all over", "I miss you - hold my hand", "let's break up".........odd little cycle if you ask me.

 

My Grand Father has a good ole down to Earth saying for people like this, when the act real "wishy-washy", Grand Father would tell you both to........

 

"Either sh*t or get off the pot"!

[Bunjyboy]

"Either sh*t or get off the pot"!

 

Well thats pretty much what Ive told her now. I basically (foolishly) poured my heart out to her with some vague idea of reconcilliation before she leaves in less than 48 hours. I told her I didnt care that she was leaving and still wanted to be with her (god knows why as even if she agreed to do this is would inevitably never work after all this) to which she replied 'Im not leaving you, your the only person I want to be with'. WTF. I told her that doesnt really make sense and that im not prepared to wait around anymore. She told me she might see me in Decemeber when she comes back for a week.

 

Im fed up of all this BS so Im going NC starting today. I reckon she prob call or txt me before she leaves and im not gonna respond. I figure I have to do this.

 

Im really hurting over this and finding it hard to move on TBH but once shes gone things will be a lot easier I figure although I suspect she still be attempting to contact me. The thing thats really getting to me is Ive really got a strong feeling that for whatever reason we'll prob end up back together. Im not sure I really want to and indeed she obv doesnt at the moment but I just have this niggling feeling.

 

What a nightmare

Edited September 27, 2010 by Bunjyboy

[boltsfan17]

Three months into the relationship and she needs a break? She's not ready for a serious relationship yet says she's crazy about you and you're the only one she wants to be with? It sounds like she's dangling you on strings like a puppet. Stick to NC. That's not fair to yourself to have someone like that toying with your emotions. If she can't figure out what she wants, I wouldn't waste my time with her. I know it's tough, but keeping her in your life while she figures things out will only make things hard on you.

[Bunjyboy]

Three months into the relationship and she needs a break? She's not ready for a serious relationship yet says she's crazy about you and you're the only one she wants to be with? It sounds like she's dangling you on strings like a puppet. Stick to NC. That's not fair to yourself to have someone like that toying with your emotions. If she can't figure out what she wants, I wouldn't waste my time with her. I know it's tough, but keeping her in your life while she figures things out will only make things hard on you.

 

My thoughts exactly. Shes got a bad track record for this sort of behaviour aswell. When I first met her she was 'close' friends with her ex who then proceeded to go a little crazy when he found out she had a new bf. It seems as if she had pheraps been telling him the same sort of nonsense she is now telling me. Im determined not to end up in the same position he did e.g. she strings me along then ditches me once she finds a new bloke.

 

The crazy thing is I dont honestly think she is lying when she is telling me she loves me etc. Shes had a really rough time recently and when I last saw her she looked very down and depressed. After 10 mins of being close to me and being with me she looked very happy and it was obvious she is still in love with me, she gets this little twinkle in her eyes when shes around me and it was blatantly there when we last saw each other.

 

But ultimately your right, in the end she is dangling me on strings and my emtions have been all over the place over the past few weeks. Im slowly starting to learn to not let her behaviour effect my emotions.

 

Ive told her I dont want any contact with her unless she really does want me back and that although Im prepared to give her some time, I wont wait around for her for too long. What this a wise move you think?? Im pretty sure shes gonna try contacting me soon enough (shes been txting me every day since we broke up, just like when we where together).

 

What im concerned about is that just as Im beginning to move on shes gonna get in touch and beg for me back. Her moving away is gonna be a fresh start for her and she is leaving all sorts of crap behind her, she told me the only reason she doesnt want to leave is because of me. I fear that after a few weeks of settling into a new environment shes gonna come crawling back and that it wont do either of us any good.

 

As I said, my guts telling me that this isnt the end of it between me and her.

 

I should mention that I initially went NC with her after she dumped me, for 4 days she constantly called me and txted and I ignored. Eventually I answered the phone and she spent an hour crying at me telling me how shes 'confused' but loves me etc.

Edited September 27, 2010 by Bunjyboy

[boltsfan17]

I'm sure she has feelings for you, but I don't understand people with this type of behavior. Why get into a relationship if you don't know what you want?

 

I wouldn't tell her or give her the idea you are going to wait around for her while she figures things out. Being such a short relationship, it might not be the best idea for you to sit around and wait for her. She's taking you for a ride on an emotional roller coaster. That's not fair to you.

 

I would be cautious as well getting back together with her. What if she pulls this same crap on you again? She has a bad track record for this type of behavior.

 

You need to stick to NC right now. If she contacts you, it's best to ignore her. Talking to her will further open wounds while you are starting to move on. Live your life, go out and have fun, and keep yourself busy. I know it's hard and we've all been there before, but you really need to think that it's probably best for you to move on now and forget about her.

[Hop_prophet]

I know you are hurting but you have to stop being a chump here. She is stringing you along in the worst way possible. Her actions absolutely state that she doesn't want to be with you. How convenient for her that she keeps you dangling in her web while she goes abroad for 6 months.

 

Do you really want to be around as her plaything, while she goes abroad and screws who knows how many other guys? That's a worst case scenario but I can guarantee she will probably be seeing a few all the while keeping you on the backburner as a 'friend', just like her last ex. Women like this are not worth your time. You will hurt so much worse if you keep this up.

[Bunjyboy]

I'm sure she has feelings for you, but I don't understand people with this type of behavior. Why get into a relationship if you don't know what you want?

 

I wouldn't tell her or give her the idea you are going to wait around for her while she figures things out. Being such a short relationship, it might not be the best idea for you to sit around and wait for her. She's taking you for a ride on an emotional roller coaster. That's not fair to you.

 

I agree, its been a nightmare to deal with and she pretty much chosen how its gonna go. Ive told her I can give her some time but Im not gonna wait around for too long and TBH this isnt completely true cos the way I see things once she left the country Im gonna put all this well behind me. As far as I will be concerned Im not gonna be waiting around for anyone.

 

I would be cautious as well getting back together with her. What if she pulls this same crap on you again? She has a bad track record for this type of behavior.

 

Again your 100% right. The good times where incredible but her tendecy for melodrama and her attempts to cruelly manipulate me have rather put me off her. Infact I actually told her this the other night. I have lost a fair degree of respect for her and If she did want to get back once Ive moved on Im confident I wouldnt be interested (or if I was it would be on a very trail basis).

 

Also her track record of this type of behaviour has weirdly made it abit easier for me to begin to start moving on. I can see that it wasnt me with the problem but infact her.

 

Cheers for the good advice mate, I really need it at the moment.

[Bunjyboy]

I know you are hurting but you have to stop being a chump here. She is stringing you along in the worst way possible. Her actions absolutely state that she doesn't want to be with you.

 

This is so true. Her words are all 'I love you and want to be with and no-one else etc etc' yet her actions dont correspond with what shes saying and even in some cases contradict them e.g. she doesnt want to be with me and by cruelly keeping me dangling shes showing anything but love for me. Talk is very cheap for her. I suppose I just have to face the reality of it all, shes keeping me dangling with nothing more than txt messages and phonecalls full of false hope and cheap 'I love you' talk.

 

On the other hand whats clouding my judgement on this is the fact that it does make some sense what shes saying and I can (to some extent) understand why she wanted to call it off between us. Circumstances where terrible for her and she was having a really bad time in her home and work life and me pressuring her to see me (because her leaving was hanging over us) made me abit needy and I had probably suffocated her. Two weeks before we broke up she had been telling me that all the bad stuff going on around her was getting to much for her and that she didnt feel herself at all. If I was in her position I think I would of probably had a nervous breakdown.

 

This might just all be false hope though but no matter how hard I try not to think this way I still feel once shes had her 'space' and is in her new environment she will come back to me. She is obviously still into me (the way she behaved when I last saw her proved this to me) and nothing was going wrong in our relationship. I could understand if she was acting distant or whatever but she really wasnt and it pretty much came out the blue. This combined with her 'I love you' talk post-breakup and her behaviour when I last met her does make me think that she still really likes me.

 

This attitude is obviously bad for me though as for all I know she could be banging a new guy within 3 weeks and not giving a crap about me and her whole 'I need space' talk was BS.

 

I dunno, Im just gonna stick to NC and see what happens.

Edited September 27, 2010 by Bunjyboy

[Bunjyboy]

She left last Wednesday morning and is now in another country for 6 months. By Friday morning she was txting me saying she desperately needs to speak to me. I though it mite be something serious so agreed to talk to her later on MSN.

 

Anyway after a bit of chit chat on MSN she bursts out saying she misses me badly and how shes so unhappy about the whole thing and that shes homesick etc etc. I didnt really know what to say so I sort of dodged any questions she asked me.

 

During the course of this weekend she has been txting me loads and we've spoke for a fair few hours on MSN.

 

Basically shes told me the following:

 

She misses me very much

She wants me back and needs me

She was wrong about everything and her head was a mess

She is very sorry for everything and the way she treated me

She is finding it very difficult being away from me

She realises that she wants me badly and that she can only ever be with me

She loves me more than ever and admits I was right about everything (e.g. her treating me badly).

She still considers me her BF and wants to be my GF and doesnt want to lose me

She hopes we can be together properly again when she comes back in 6 months and she is visting in 9 weeks (for 2 weeks) and wants to see me everyday

 

Now heres the thing, when she first dumped me weeks ago I distinctly remember telling my friend how "Once she leaves this country she'll realise what shes done and will want me back". It was obvious she didnt really know what was going on and her head was a mess and one she had some clarity and a break she would reconsider.

 

On the one hand Im completely aware that shes very homesick, feels lonely and is struggling to adapt to her new environment. Basically Im taking everything she is telling me with a very large pinch of salf. Im weary that once she settles in, meets some new friends/guys she could quite possibly just drop me again and I'll hear from her less and less. I half expect this tbh and although Im probably just being cynical its what she has done to me.

 

On the other hand, it was kinda obvious this was going to happen and once she had removed herself from the terrible situation she was in with her homelife and workplace she would start to regret her actions. Also I figure if she was 100% sure she wanted to dump me she would of cut contact once she moved or at least not really bothered to contact me as much. It would of been a good chance for her to bury it all. But now she seems to want me back badly.

 

The problem is that shes obv in another country so any sort of meaningful reconcilliation would be impossible. Im not sure how to proceed over this. I have started to feel a lot better about the whole thing, wounds are healing nicely and I can see things a lot clearer now so Im thinking maybe just keeping in contact with her casually and then seeing what happens when she comes back in 9 weeks. I dont think Im that bothered by what goes on either way now and im keeping my guard up and being skeptical about the whole thing. I do still love her and want to work things out but I dont want to come accross as an idiot who can be walked on whenever she wants. Im treated her like a friend since she left. When we've chatted/txted its been her pouring out the emotions whilst Ive remained fairly calm and unsettled by the whole thing.

 

Also I think its very easy to say all this stuff on MSN or whatever. Im concerned that maybe she is just playing me and telling me what I want to hear. But on the other hand its the most emotional shes ever been with me and she seems to be telling me the truth about her feelings. Plus I dont really see how it woul benefit her being like this with me unless she really wants me back.

 

What you lot think?? Should I give her another chance or should I just tell her it can never work? Im thinking I should stay in touch with her (although not make any real effort to contact her, let her do that) by phone MSN whilst keeping my guard up about the whole thing. Be friendly and lighthearted and then see what happens over the coming weeks. Im not going to commit to anything until I see how she behaves with me when she comes back in 9 weeks.

 

Im certainly not gonna jump back in and be a lovetsruck fool sitting at home waiting for her to call. Im not even gonna consider myself in an LDR.

 

I realise this whole thing is ridiculous and obv points towards the fact that shes pretty messed up really.

Edited October 3, 2010 by Bunjyboy