U1987 Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 I gotta say, one of my biggest annoyances in dating is when you're asking a girl out for the first time, and instead of "yes" or "no," she says "Ummmm....... Let me get back to you," or "Ummmm...... Let me call you back to confirm." This pisses me off because they either don't call back or wait until the last minute the night of to tell you they can't make it, after you've cleared your schedule incase they said yes. I think it's really rude and I really can't help but feel humiliated and let down when it happens. Is there a way to avoid that whole "Let me get back to you" spiel? I think I have an idea. If I ask a girl out and she says "Let me get back to you," I have the idea to respond with "I really gotta know right now. My friends invited me out that night and they want to know if I can make it or not ASAP." Or "I really gotta know right now. I got invited to a party in (insert town 1-hour away) and I gotta let them know if I can make it that night." I hope these would turn a "maybe" into a solid "yes" or "no." I'm worried though; will it make it sound like I'm desperate for an answer?
USMCHokie Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 This one is easy. "Let me get back to you" = No. Make other plans. You should never schedule your life around a woman's indecisiveness, flakiness, or sheer jackassery. And don't do that silly "I need to know right now" bullsh*t. Just say ok, and move along with your life. /endthread.
Bogo123 Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 That's basically saying, "let me put you on the backburner and see if something better comes up". But majority of the time when a girl says that, she means no and just doesn't want to reject you. If a girl says that to me, I tell her something like "no its either yes or no, I have a busy schedule, etc"
Author U1987 Posted September 26, 2010 Author Posted September 26, 2010 This one is easy. "Let me get back to you" = No. Make other plans. You should never schedule your life around a woman's indecisiveness, flakiness, or sheer jackassery. And don't do that silly "I need to know right now" bullsh*t. Just say ok, and move along with your life. /endthread. Once again, I really don't like speaking in subtleties. If a girl says that to me, I do NOT want her to think that is an OK answer by saying "Ok" but internally taking it as "no." What can I say to let her know that? What word can I physically make with my mouth right there to her in what order?
FryFish Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Girl: let me get back to you. You: Oh dont worry(or "nevermind" if you are feeling snarky), I can find someone else if you are busy... That forces an answer without making you look desperate... A touch rude though... But she is rude with her non answer.
USMCHokie Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Once again, I really don't like speaking in subtleties. If a girl says that to me, I do NOT want her to think that is an OK answer by saying "Ok" but internally taking it as "no." What can I say to let her know that? What word can I physically make with my mouth right there to her in what order? Why do you care what she thinks...? Besides, actions speak louder than words. LAUNCHing her will let her know that better than any single word will.
Author U1987 Posted September 26, 2010 Author Posted September 26, 2010 Why do you care what she thinks...? Besides, actions speak louder than words. LAUNCHing her will let her know that better than any single word will. Some people are really stupid/air-headed/ditzy and cannot read cues or actions or body signals. I want there to be no risk that she doesn't get what I'm getting at. Why are you so hostile to this?
sanskrit Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Agree that "let me get back to you" is same as no. However, the best ones, the ones who really want to work you in to a busy schedule, will also say "can I get back to you?" because they really want to go with you, but need to blow something else off or rearrange something. This should take no more than a few hours. If they don't get back to you that day, they aren't interested.
USMCHokie Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Why are you so hostile to this? I end up having to be "hostile" when people don't get it or refuse to get it.
Cee Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Some people are really stupid/air-headed/ditzy and cannot read cues or actions or body signals. I want there to be no risk that she doesn't get what I'm getting at. Why are you so hostile to this? I think that you aren't "getting" what the other posters are saying. You need to take charge of the situation and reject her on the spot. It's the attitude you project, not just the words you say. Don't plead or lie to pin her down. That is needy and completely unattractive. Don't bother pinning her down. See her ummmm, I'll you as a tacit no. Then you regain power in the situation by rescinding the date offer. Say something the effect that no you aren't interested in waiting around. And tell her to forget it, it's not a big deal. Bye. If you can't come up with your own words for this, you are sunk. Because if you had the right attitude of being irritated, but not really caring, then you'd know what to say.
FryFish Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Why are you so hostile to this? Because we dont want you to look like a damned clown. Besides giving her a good laugh at how pathetic she makes you feel, you are NOT going to affect the way this girl or any like her feels... Especially in college where attention from guys is nearly infinite. Take back your attention and you will catch hers... but in the end you will see that you dont want it.
sanskrit Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Some people are really stupid/air-headed/ditzy and cannot read cues or actions or body signals. These are the ones who will make your life a living hell, expecting you to read them like a book, while projecting a protective bubble of cluelessness at all times. Screen them out. A single man who approaches a woman he doesn't normally interact with and asks her to do an activity alone with him is asking her on a date. If she is so vapid or naive as to not understand this innately, she simply isn't worth your time. Avoid children in adult bodies.
welikeincrowds Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Some people are really stupid/air-headed/ditzy and cannot read cues or actions or body signals. I want there to be no risk that she doesn't get what I'm getting at. Why are you so hostile to this? I can't speak for USMCHokie, but the approach you're suggesting comes off as both a little bitter and a little desperate. When you ask a girl out for the first time, either she's willing to take the same risk you're taking, or she isn't; there's really no way to move beyond that, and it's very unlikely that any amount of further posturing on your part will change her mind. And you shouldn't want her to. If she's not going to play along in the first place, don't bother trying to read her the rules on the back of the box. Instead, assert your dignity, and have the confidence that you will find someone who will want to play, because they know your game and they like it.
Confusedalways Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Ask why she needs to get back to you and go from there.
USMCHokie Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 I can't speak for USMCHokie, but the approach you're suggesting comes off as both a little bitter and a little desperate. When you ask a girl out for the first time, either she's willing to take the same risk you're taking, or she isn't; there's really no way to move beyond that, and it's very unlikely that any amount of further posturing on your part will change her mind. And you shouldn't want her to. If she's not going to play along in the first place, don't bother trying to read her the rules on the back of the box. Instead, assert your dignity, and have the confidence that you will find someone who will want to play, because they know your game and they like it. Well said, especially the underlined phrase. OP, you have to keep in mind that you are playing your game...if a girl isn't understanding or compatible with your game, then move on...don't try to force that compatibility...
diligentdilettante Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Does that type of response square with you? If it doesn't, heed the warning, give her your definite 'No worries, I'll make other plans' response,' and then do just that. Women, on top of being the generally more mercurial of the sexes, are socialized to be people-pleasing 'yes men,' if you will. Many of us hate saying no. We've learned not to,neo we find self-disrespecting ways to at least appear amenable. It's only as grown-ups that even the most naturally decisive of us recognize and conciously work to break that sh*t pattern of non-committal behavior. It ain't all roses from this end, either. In the meantime, the next time you're faced with that situation, your decisive brush-off is going to help bring one woman closer to freedom, you closer to dating a woman worth the skirt she's wearing, and the world will be a better place. Ha!
diligentdilettante Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Does that type of response square with you? If it doesn't, heed the warning, give her your definite 'No worries, I'll make other plans' response,' and then do just that. Women, on top of being the generally more mercurial of the sexes, are socialized to be people-pleasing 'yes men,' if you will. Many of us hate saying no. We've learned not to do that, so we find self-disrespecting ways to at least appear amenable. It's only as grown-ups that even the most naturally decisive of us recognize and conciously work to break that sh*t pattern of non-committal behavior. It ain't all roses from this end, either. In the meantime, the next time you're faced with that situation, your decisive brush-off is going to help bring one woman closer to freedom, you closer to dating a woman worth the skirt she's wearing, and the world will be a better place. Ha!
Knittress Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Clearing your schedule because of some vague thing some woman said shows that you lack self-respect. Make other plans and if she actually gets back to you, nonchalantly state that didn't hear from her in time so you went ahead and made other plans. It's more graceful all around and if she DOES care about making a better impression, she'll make an effort to be less of a flake in future.
diligentdilettante Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Does that type of response square with you? If it doesn't, heed the warning, give her your definite 'No worries, I'll make other plans' response,' and then do just that. Women, on top of being the generally more mercurial of the sexes, are socialized to be people-pleasing 'yes men,' if you will. Many of us hate saying no. We've learned not to,neo we find self-disrespecting ways to at least appear amenable. It's only as grown-ups that even the most naturally decisive of us recognize and conciously work to break that sh*t pattern of non-committal behavior. It ain't all roses from this end, either. In the meantime, the next time you're faced with that situation, your decisive brush-off is going to help bring one woman closer to freedom, you closer to dating a woman worth the skirt she's wearing, and the world will be a better place. Ha!
tami-chan Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 I gotta say, one of my biggest annoyances in dating is when you're asking a girl out for the first time, and instead of "yes" or "no," she says "Ummmm....... Let me get back to you," or "Ummmm...... Let me call you back to confirm." This pisses me off because they either don't call back or wait until the last minute the night of to tell you they can't make it, after you've cleared your schedule incase they said yes. I think it's really rude and I really can't help but feel humiliated and let down when it happens. Is there a way to avoid that whole "Let me get back to you" spiel? I think I have an idea. If I ask a girl out and she says "Let me get back to you," I have the idea to respond with "I really gotta know right now. My friends invited me out that night and they want to know if I can make it or not ASAP." Or "I really gotta know right now. I got invited to a party in (insert town 1-hour away) and I gotta let them know if I can make it that night." I hope these would turn a "maybe" into a solid "yes" or "no." I'm worried though; will it make it sound like I'm desperate for an answer? Why is this not a legitimate response? My calendar is full, on any given day I would have to check my sched and my office if anything has changed since the last time I checked....many women lead very busy lives. And even when I have said yes to a date, very often last minute things come up and I have to cancel and then I am labeled as a "flake". I am sorry, but in what I do, I am required to be available for work 24/7.
Bogo123 Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Why is this not a legitimate response? My calendar is full, on any given day I would have to check my sched and my office if anything has changed since the last time I checked....many women lead very busy lives. And even when I have said yes to a date, very often last minute things come up and I have to cancel and then I am labeled as a "flake". I am sorry, but in what I do, I am required to be available for work 24/7. Then you shouldn't make plans with someone if you're not 100% sure. If you need to check your schedule, do it right then and there. Flaking is disrespectful no matter how you put it.
tami-chan Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Then you shouldn't make plans with someone if you're not 100% sure. If you need to check your schedule, do it right then and there. Flaking is disrespectful no matter how you put it. I am never 100% sure if I will be available for any social function. That is the nature of my work. If he can't understand that then I think it is much better that he does not ask me out at all..
callingyouuu Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Why is this not a legitimate response? My calendar is full, on any given day I would have to check my sched and my office if anything has changed since the last time I checked....many women lead very busy lives. And even when I have said yes to a date, very often last minute things come up and I have to cancel and then I am labeled as a "flake". I am sorry, but in what I do, I am required to be available for work 24/7. I agree with you that the response the OP is referring to isn't that bad. Some people actually just need to check their schedule. However, if they don't respond in a timely manner, they also have to understand that the other person might have made other plans since then. It's just a matter of respect. OP, you're not tied down to leaving your schedule open unless someone confirms for sure that they are interested and would like to go. There aren't enough weekends in life to spend half of them waiting for someone to get back to you before you go out.
irc333 Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 I am never 100% sure if I will be available for any social function. That is the nature of my work. If he can't understand that then I think it is much better that he does not ask me out at all.. Let me ask you this, do you make it a point to offer an alternative day for the date? 1. "Gee, sorry, something came up and I can't make it. vs. 2. "Gee, sorry, something came up and I can't make it, however, I am free this other night" The #2 is the better option #1 suggests that you're not into him. That's another way you can figure out if a person is really into you or not....they're willing to move mtns. If you can't FIND the time, you MAKE the time, OTHERWISE, the person is simply not into you to give them the motivation necessary to do what they can to get with that other person.
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