wendigo Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 It seems that my tumultuous relationship with my ex is at an end (3yrs). I feel pretty much accepting about it but I am left with really low self worth and doubts about myself. My mum summed us up as simlpy incompatible the other day. This hurt me so much because I felt it just justified how he has treated me. He has been very controlling and abusive (and physically abusive on a few occasions). (It's true I slapped him 2 or 3 times over the course of 3 years when he was threatening me in some way - in this time he has strangled me, cracked my ribs, hit, kicked me, lied). He always said I started it and blamed me for his behaviour. So, back to what my mum said, really - is that what it is? Just incompatibility? I feel that this just explains and excuses his behaviour and makes me responsible for his actions towards me, making me feel like I deserved them or should have expected them because we are incompatible. I'm scared because...what if I did deserve it? What if I am really bad? Where do I go from here? I loved him a lot. I think he had a filter that saw anything I asked for (affection, time, attention for example) as a complaint, criticism or me trying to control him. He totally, it feels, just misinterpreted me. I am a bit screwed up by all this and disorientated emotionally. I am feeling like I just want to meet a nice guy, just someone to be nice to me to love me... to tell me I am ok and my ex was wrong to do that. That's one thing. The other feeling is that if a guy gets close to me, I know I am hurting so much about this, I feel I always will, I feel I will just want to tell the new guy what happened. Is that wrong? Also, how can I trust that a guy wont do this to me again? I think the majority of guys wouldn't do this, I've never had a bf do this to me before. But I feel like I am not going to be allowed to ask for anything in case I end up being threatened with the end of the relationship or something else. There are probably some really obvious answers to this. Sorry. I'm not thinking straight about it all today. Can you unpick this craziness? Thanks guys.xx
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