Nikki Sahagin Posted September 26, 2010 Share Posted September 26, 2010 Do any of you feel that the way things ended, will always be unfinished business? We never spoke face to face, we never discussed it, he never helped me to understand, other people got involved and lied - it will always be this great big gigantic accident that happened and we never got to part on good terms and wish each other well. It feels like massive unfinished business. I go on with life but it still feels there is this great unresolved cloud or elephant in the room just behind me. Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted September 26, 2010 Share Posted September 26, 2010 Do any of you feel that the way things ended, will always be unfinished business? We never spoke face to face, we never discussed it, he never helped me to understand, other people got involved and lied - it will always be this great big gigantic accident that happened and we never got to part on good terms and wish each other well. It feels like massive unfinished business. I go on with life but it still feels there is this great unresolved cloud or elephant in the room just behind me. Yes I do but, guess what? I dont care. One of the greatest gifts I got from NC was the realisation that there are some things in life I just can't control: and that's okay. I'm not into the God thing but: God, grant us the... Serenity to accept things we cannot change, Courage to change the things we can, and the Wisdom to know the difference Patience for the things that take time Appreciation for all that we have, and Tolerance for those with different struggles Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways, the Ability to feel your love for us and our love for each other and the Strength to get up and try again even when we feel it is hopeless. Those words are GOOD. Did I have to face a gigantic elephant in the room? Yes, I bloody did. So I dealt with it. I looked at that elephant every day and I got bored of looking at him and I told him. "I've had enough of you, elephant. You can stand there as long as you want. Trumpet all night and all day, if you wish: I'm going to ignore you. I don't want you in my room anymore and if you won't leave of your own accord (and the RSPCA tell me it's not their problem), I've got no choice but to accept you're there and get on with my life, but I do NOT have to engage with you and I WILL not." And then I took a breath. I carried out my threat. Yes, it was awkward. It was difficult, sometimes, watching TV or posting on LoveShack but I just had to move around him. And, other times, I took myself outside and into the fresh air. One day, I built a great big snow elephant, right outside the window, and then I kicked its head off! That felt good! A couple of months later, I came downstairs, as usual, and do you know what I saw? He was gone! ... That elephant had got up and left, all of his own accord. He had no purpose being there anymore and he knew it. Went off to get up in somebody else's face, I guess. (Admittedly, he left a gaping hole in the wall but that was fine: I rebuilt it. Took a bit of effort but now it looks better than it ever did. I tiled it up real nice.) The freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways.. Take care, Nikki. x Link to post Share on other sites
ohno89 Posted September 26, 2010 Share Posted September 26, 2010 Do any of you feel that the way things ended, will always be unfinished business? We never spoke face to face, we never discussed it, he never helped me to understand, other people got involved and lied - it will always be this great big gigantic accident that happened and we never got to part on good terms and wish each other well. It feels like massive unfinished business. I go on with life but it still feels there is this great unresolved cloud or elephant in the room just behind me. Nikki, I completely get what you're saying. My situation was a little similar; our actual break-up was a mess, we were supposed to meet up a couple days later to say our goodbyes, clear the air or whatever but it never happened. Instead, he found things out, I found things out, there were misunderstandings, chit chat, people getting involved...a complete mess. How long has it been since your break up? I understand it's an awful feeling; I always used to think I cannot possibly get over my break up until I get the infamous 'closure' but truth it, I think 'getting closure' is a little cliched now...you need to accept that the closure you're wanting from your ex may never happen anso you can't sit around waiting for that day. You can gain the closure you need within and from yourself and start moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
bobo113 Posted September 26, 2010 Share Posted September 26, 2010 Thank you mickle! I will sleep in peace next to my elephant tonight & perhaps he'll be gone in the morning :-) Link to post Share on other sites
bboy Posted September 26, 2010 Share Posted September 26, 2010 Do any of you feel that the way things ended, will always be unfinished business? We never spoke face to face, we never discussed it, he never helped me to understand, other people got involved and lied - it will always be this great big gigantic accident that happened and we never got to part on good terms and wish each other well. It feels like massive unfinished business. I go on with life but it still feels there is this great unresolved cloud or elephant in the room just behind me. If it is any comfort, it doesn't make any difference. Once got everything explained to the fully detail. Once it just slipped away, not even a break up. Just silence. Both times felt the same. Same pain and life in agony. I can only guess, but I think it's more the ego that creates the elephant. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted September 26, 2010 Share Posted September 26, 2010 (edited) Did I have to face a gigantic elephant in the room? Yes, I bloody did! When there is a elephant in my room, I like sending in a mouse! <:3 . Edited September 27, 2010 by GrayClouds Link to post Share on other sites
You Go Girl Posted September 27, 2010 Share Posted September 27, 2010 Sigh. I know, OP. I almost considered asking ONE LAST TIME for an explanation to things that I was gaslighted on. But what's the point. If he wouldn't answer honestly 6 years ago, why would he now? And if he tried to answer honestly, but I didn't like, wouldn't accept the answer as satisfactory enough for me, where would that leave me? It would leave the conversation going round and round without progress just like in the past, and that was exhausting then, and would be doubly now. My first marriage ended 9 years ago. I just RECENTLY sorted it out finally in my head. Why did it take so long? Because I didn't take the time to think it through, and probably wasn't mature enough to understand what had transpired, or at a minimum was too ignorant of adult relationship dynamics to have understood it without it being spelled out to me in some book or other source. It does feel good for the clarity that I have now though! The answer is that partly you already understand. The answer is that some things you will never understand. The answer is that some things will become clear with only time. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldingPatterns Posted September 27, 2010 Share Posted September 27, 2010 It's truly sad the way it feels to have "unfinished" business. I had a Horrible break up when I look back at it all. It started out nice and essentially clean, than became hell on earth! I guess thats just the way it goes. I've had other break ups, but nothing that has amounted to this. I've never felt Betrayal before. There was so much I wish I could have said or done. I will never know what she thinks or what she thought. My only regret is that I lost face. It's weird to have no real clues as to what another human being is feeling. I assume she didn't feel much. She was in something new so quick that I may as well have vanished into complete oblivion. I now feel like a pesky fly that was hovering around her new life. Weird it's only been 2 months. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted September 27, 2010 Share Posted September 27, 2010 Do any of you feel that the way things ended, will always be unfinished business? We never spoke face to face, we never discussed it, he never helped me to understand, other people got involved and lied - it will always be this great big gigantic accident that happened and we never got to part on good terms and wish each other well. It feels like massive unfinished business. I go on with life but it still feels there is this great unresolved cloud or elephant in the room just behind me. No. She is done with me. That's all I need to know. It is now her "unfinished business", if she wants to think about it that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica K Posted September 27, 2010 Share Posted September 27, 2010 I love that post, mickleb. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts