tmattes2 Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 As standard, the quick background: I met christina almost a year ago immediately after a nasty breakup with a ex-girl that I had deeply loved... Christina and I had an immediate connection that grew and grew with time. Eventually after a few months, she wanted a relationship, but I was still to insecure over my previous break-up to run straight into another commitment. She continued wanting more for almost the next 6 months, but I kept rejecting her. I wanted her! I simply was too scared to commit. I was afraid of rushing into it and hurting myself or her. Eventually summer rolled around and it was time for us to leave each other and go home for the summer. As the time to part grew nearer and nearer, my feelings for her intensified greatly, but i never asked her out... and we both parted out ways. summer time: We kept in constant communication after we left each other. Long story short, I was no more than a couple weeks after we hard parted that I came to terms with loving Christina. And I do! She is amazing! I wish that I could have been ready to take this leap sooner. Sooo I asked her out and she said yes, thus, beginning our long dist. relationship. The problem: in the two week period that we were apart during the summer before starting our relationship, she met a guy named Patrick. I had suspicions that she may had done things with him, but she told me up and down that she hadn't... fast forward to current day, she recently came clean to me. It turns out that she had sex with patrick THEE three consecutive nights in a row before we began our relationship. She said she wanted to come clean because it had been killing her. She wanted us to work and she loved me. She said that she did not have sex with Patrick any more after we began our r-ship and I believe her. She told Patrick that she had chosen me over him. At the same time, when patrick had to leave her hometown a week after we had began our relationship, she kissed him on the lips good bye... Processing this: Now, as far as the sex goes, I dont know. To be honest, it hurts ALOT. I have never cheated on her, and quite frankly, have not had sex with anyone the entire 9 month period in which we were "unofficially dating." I kissed a few girl, but I was immediately honest with her. She was the same way with me, kissed a few guys, came clean, but nothing major. Which I guess is why this is sooo out of character for her and surprising to me that she would have SEX with Patrick and then LIE to me about it. I guess It feels like she cheated... It was sooo close to when we began our r-ship... 3 nights in a row the 3 days before saying, "yes, I want to be in a committed relationship with you"??? Our anniversary seems tainted to me now. Ya, I had no claim over her at the time so "technically" she didnt cheat, But it feels that way. It hurts! And also the kiss on the lips goodbye (while we were going out) does not seem ok to me. She claims it meant nothing, but in lue of their history, its hard to believe. SOOO, did she cheat? and more importantly, what does this mean for our relationship? I love her. I want it to work. She says she loves me, but I have trust issues regarding her, her past, and her lying. Am i trying to hold on to something that was inevitably "doomed" from the moment she had sex with Patrick less than 24 hours before committing to me? Thanks for the advice!!!
Romance Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 A similar thing happened with my boyfriend and me. I got with my ex after promising my current boyfriend 'i'd wait to see if i really liked him once we met before i'd do anything with someone else' but we were not officially dating. my ex was there, i was emotional yadayada it happens. I do not consider that I cheated on him, we were not dating. We've moved past it, I have never cheated on him since the day we became official bf/gf and been together 2 years. He totally trusts me and I trust him. At first he thought like you are, that it was cheating. Then he realized we were hours away from each other and were not committed, and he understood.
aerogurl87 Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Well considering the sex, no she didn't cheat on you as you two weren't committed to one another at that time. But the kiss on the lips seems fishy unless she's the type to kiss all her friends on the lips which very few people do. So if you think she crossed a boundary with that and it was betrayl in your eyes, then yes she did cheat on you.
robindell10 Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 As Per My point of View You Have to Break the relationship With Her.If She is not Too much Serious for You Then There is No meaning of this relationship.At Least She Must have to be Loyal if She Is Serious in Your Relationship.Friendship is Different Thing and This Thing is Very Different.I think She is not as Good Partner of the Life Time So it's Better just Break the relationship and be Happy.
Omei Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 If you want it to work you're going to have to forgive her since you two were not yet committed to each other. I do not think that's cheating. I'm sure it hurts because the feelings for her were there at the time even tho you two were not committed. Keep in mind she told you, even if late and that you didn't just find out. For someone who has trust issues think to yourself and see if you think you can even handle a relationship at such a rocky start, I can imagine how hard/long its going to take you to build that trust at the 100% mark over a relationship that started fresh and had the "given me no reason not to trust you yet" beginning start that you sounded like you needed from a new relationship. As for the goodbye kiss maybe it was a sweet goodbye kiss and hopefully that's it! and this man is gone forever! If hes not 100% gone I would be very displeased and feel very cheated.
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