SlevinKalebra Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 So I have been trying to get my life in order after starting the divorce proceedings. I have been picking my son up later than usual on my first day with him during our time together for the past few weeks. At first it was because I was trying to find a second job. Then because I was working during the early mornings. But lately, after not having to go in, he calls me to ask if he can spend more time with his mother and stay later. I say yes not too happy about doing it though. I know it is not a competition but it bugs me that she encourages him to ask by suggesting they do something together Sunday morning. They have all day Saturday but for some odd reason their plans have to start when he is supposed to be with me. He is getting older and I want him to self advocate, and I know it is not about me, but it still sucks. The relationship with the ex is not good and I think letting a little time to let the past few years of arguing simmer down somewhat is a good idea. It just seems she is making it a competition and I do not want to put my son in the middle. She is the type to say "well I wanted to do something this Sunday but your dad said no." Doesn't seem like the right thing for me to do is even start this up again. But I don't want to be pushed out of my time with him. The other thing is when he is with me he tends to want to be by himself anyway.
Author SlevinKalebra Posted September 26, 2010 Author Posted September 26, 2010 Don't want to confuse anyone. The divorce proceedings are not with my son's mother
Tayla Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 So what does the court order say in the way of time frames for parental shared custody? At some point one needs to draw a line in the sand, so both parents are clear upfront. Yes leniency can be taken advantaged of. By having clear written terms both sides can be adults by adhereing to things If either parent wants to *create* issues, refer back to the judges or court appointed adversary to the child,for clarification. Most folks who do the custody thang, have a challenge to follow the guidelines...And yes its okay to be about you. You are the parent and have value in the time you spend...Nothing wrong with emphasizing ...It shows the other parent how much you value things.
turnera Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 First, stay within the prescribed times, so that your son doesn't have to deal with he said she said - he needs the stability to know WHEN he comes and goes. Anything else gets into mental territory and is unhealthy for him. Second, speak to his mother about why you are doing it and how you know she will be be professional enough to not want to harm him by planting such things in his mind and making him feel like he has to choose.
alexlakeman Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 My parasitic ex wife has been known to do that once in a while... Either the day I was supposed to pick up my child she decided she's taking the dog to the vet, so the child wants to go; or she decides to do some activity he likes on the my days.. At first I would let it slide, but more and more they child would want to stay on my weekends with her... End of story? I had get Court Orders in place... try and nip in the bu.tt b4 you get to that point.. Just tell the child, "it's our weekend, and I want to spend time with you as well".. period.
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