pandagirl Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 I see a lot of threads here complaining about their ex starting to date again. I think this is a healthy thing to do whether you are the dumper or dumpee. I plan on starting to casually date asap, however I have absolutely no intentions of jumping into a relationship. We haven't even been broken up a month yet, but if my ex (who was the dumper) is dating, then yeah... that would sting a bit, but to a certain extent, it's a healthy way of coping with a loss, as it involves moving on with your life. Of course, if you are completely depressed, dating isn't a good idea. But I'm starting to accept the end of my relationship, and I think it would be good for me not to be stuck in a hole of thinking about him -- a way of reminding myself there are other people out there. Yes, I am still in love with him, but I refuse to let myself wallow! Onward.
durkadurka Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 It`s the fact that it makes feel so final and that there is nothing that can be done. Enough said.
Author pandagirl Posted September 26, 2010 Author Posted September 26, 2010 It`s the fact that it makes feel so final and that there is nothing that can be done. Enough said. It's neither here nor there. And you haven't been broken up very long, so cut yourself some slack. It takes time to heal. Here's the thing: you never know what people are really thinking. I know tons of people in (serious) relationships, dating people, sleeping with people, etc., who aren't even happy or sure about their mate. I know people who have broken up with their partner for someone else, only to regret their decision the entire time. I have a friend who has been dating someone for 5 years and just moved in with him, but still holds a flame for an old ex-bf and hasn't had sex with her current bf for 10 months. I know people who have gotten back together and gotten married. People are all over the place. I guess what I'm saying is, just because your ex is dating someone else, it doesn't mean she/he is over you or life is hunky dory. Think about it: how many times does one truly fall in love in a lifetime? Not very many. Or if she is completely over you, my opinion of people who can actually just forget someone they spent a significant amount of time with just like *that* have something wrong with them anyway.
ohno89 Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 pandagirl - this is the first thing I read today and it really made me smile, so thank you I'm proud of you, I think this is such a healthy way of looking at it - of course - only when you're ready...it might still be too painful to think about too soon or make no sense if you're not quite at that stage yet... what's meant to be will be.
rattled Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 (edited) Pandagirl - you win for THE post of the last couple months. One of the most realest things I've heard in awhile. Edited September 26, 2010 by rattled
Author pandagirl Posted September 26, 2010 Author Posted September 26, 2010 Aw, thanks guys! I didn't mean for it to be "inspiring," but just as a logical way to look at our situation. Of course, I cried myself to sleep last night missing him, but that is allowed because I need to let myself feel sadness. I just have to remember not to wallow in it. It is *normal* to grieve the loss of someone you love; if I wasn't sad, there would be something wrong with me. So, yes. Dating. Like I said, I really don't think it's here or there. Actually, when I think of my ex dating, I get smug (which I know is not the right attitude, because it's ego talking, but I'm allowing myself on this occasion), because I know I'm pretty awesome and most girls won't match up to me. And like I said, don't be down if your ex is dating. It's sad, but it has no reflection on you. I think that has been key for me in this process: having confidence and believing I'm great. I'm not perfect and I made mistakes in my relationship, but I know I have a good heart. I'm ambitious, smart, funny, compassionate and loyal... and pretty cute to boot! In fact, I think I have a date lined up for next week. Do I like this guy? He's cute. Do I still love my ex? Yes. Does the date mean anything? Not really. Just a way to continue living.
Recommended Posts