Depressed and Lonely...

[CrazyJayC]

Hey everyone, I really need someone to talk too. I've been feeling incredibly depressed and lonely lately because of soooo many things and its been like this off and on for years it seams. I'm actually a 20 year old male that's currently going to the University of Oklahoma. I really don't know of anything positive about me. Lets see, I am a roller coaster when it comes to acne; and when I have it which is 80% of the time my skin looks EXTREMELY unhealthy and its been this way since about the age of 12 when I was in 6th grade. I've actually never have had a girl friend before but I do have an alright amount of guy friends but don't know any girl friends... When it comes to studying, I have a disability so when one person reads a book once I have to read it 4 times just to remember it like they do... I just feel like I was born to be a failure. I don't have any natural muscle at all and if I work out everyday for a semester then I'll loose all of it in about a week if I stop. For some odd reason I have progressively been getting gray hair since like 14... But its not really really noticeable but it just reminds me of how incredibly un normal I am. When it comes to socializing, I feel that no one ever gives me a chance to be a cool guy; and there is enough judge mental people in the world that I'm 100% convinced that my life is pretty much a waste of time. And if I don't have a GPA of at least 2.5 after this year then I can't go on in my major but I feel like I'm doing everything I can and more than everyone else but it still does nothing.

 

I feel like I can go on and on for ever but I'll just leave it at that. I just really need some help on what I can possibly do about me and my mess of a life... By the way, I have under a dollar in my bank account so seeing a psychiatrist isn't really an option. Anyways thanks you all for listening...

[AmItheOnlyOne]

You think it's purely a physical problem? You say you have a disability, but I'm suspecting --correct me if I'm wrong-- that people sort of create their own disabilities to sort of give themselves an excuse as to why their social life is so difficult.

 

I do this too.. I used drugs to stupify myself, because really, I was just insecure and figured, to say "okay I didn't get so and so girl because, well-- I do drugs!" Was a MUCH better explanation for my soul, then to say, "I didn't get so and so girl, because.. I don't think she'll like me or find me her type" -- which is weezy, unconfident, and not very manly feeling..

 

It's rough man. You got to do reverse psychology with it. I can't explain, I wish I could... but, sometimes, you got to imagine the world is yours, find your angle... Still be a good person and don't knock anybody else for the benefit of your self-esteem, but "get yours"...

[engravefeelthevoid]

man I totally feel you....the say life is a comedy for those who think...and a tragedy for those who feel....and that's sth you dont control...people like us dont belong with the flow.....i was at rock bottom once....well recently....i might still be there.....but i figured why not create your own world ? find aan Art/Hobby where u feel comfortable in....embrace it and dedicate your free time to it...it is the best way to express your self and feel like you belong....

 

dont say u cant....bc then...the only way to feel better is to end your life...which i really think you contemplated many times but got to dead ends...life was meant to be lived....so live it in anyway......people shout at us when we feel good doing something...but what does that matter anyways ? isn't what matters is that you feel good in the end ?

 

find a hobby and LOVE it....forget about women....they will come later on (After 23) so for the mean time....find your path...find your self...and remember...you're not theonly one....

[shayan]

I wrote this for someone else but I think it will help you alot.

 

my friend,

 

 

depression is something very difficult to cope with and you have my symphathy. However, I feel that depression is only partly neurochemical but also reinforced by negatively learned thought patterns. So I think what you need to do is start re-wiring your brain for more positive and empowering thoughts. You need to find a way to battle your depression from the inside and force it out of your mind as much as possible. I think you can conqeur major depression with a lot of effort and time. I think you need to become your new best friend.

 

Here's where you should start:

 

read your sacred self by Wayne Dyer as you are trying my suggestions.

 

Start developing a more kind and nurturing inner voice: develop a voice (perhaps an old child hood friend or coach, or yourself after you've conqured depression), which is optimistic and kind and focused on helping you be happy and complete. And example would be if one if someone says something demaing to you, your voice responds:

 

"that's not true you are a very kind and intelligent person, they are only attacking you because that is their own nature and fault"

 

Next begin doing positive affirmation meditation: just youtube it there are many good meditations with strong positive affirmations, repeat the affirmations to yourself confidently.

 

Use positive visualization: visualize yourself slowly meeting your future goals (perhaps becoming more social, and befirending new people, and maybe finding a girfriend, accomplishing something you've always wanted to) and healing from this depression.

 

Slowly become more socially outgoing: I think a lot of your sorrow comes from your distance from human contact. I want you to slowly start educating yourself online or asking people you know, how to become more socially outgoing. Then I want you to make a plan of action and slowly work on building your social confidence and connecting with new people.

 

Learn to love yourself with this depression: I think the best way to be positive is to learn to love yourself just as you are. You may think this is impossible because you are so sad, and you also would no longer be motivated to change. But, its the complete opposite you need to form a strong and loving bond with yourself for two reasons. First just because it will make you a much more content person, and second because then you will have a more stable foundation to battle your depression.

 

Excercise: endorphins will naturally relieve stress and minor pain.

 

Be patient with yourself: it takes a long time to make a significant major neurocognitive change

[skydiveaddict]

You mentioned you were in school.. The school clinic is usually free to students (unless I am mistaken), can you not go there for help?

[josie54]

Hi Jay,

 

I agree that your first step is to seek out your school's student counseling center. The service will be free and it will give you someone to talk and vent to.

 

I'm not sure what kind of disability you have, but I've worked with and been friends with dyslexics and others with similar learning difficulties, and they all did different things to overcome them. You say it takes you four times longer to "read" the book. Have you tried having someone read it to you? (Again, most schools have services that will help you in this area.) You could also read your assigned reading aloud into a recorder, and then play it back to yourself to study). Use a computer or cell phone to video record yourself reading the material or ask your professor if you can video the lectures; then watch the lectures back (if you don't do this already). Some people absorbe knowledge better through audio and visual, rather than through the written word. So I just wanted to make sure that, if reading is an obstacle, you didn't think that was your only option.

 

If reading's not your thing, that's not horrible. It's not the only way to learn the material. I know people who have excelled in college without reading much at all, because they found other ways to access the material. Your school probably also has resources for individuals with learning differences that can help you in these areas.

 

Also, do you really like your major? If so, then are you being tutored? You don't have to do this on your own. If you have a disability, then the school can provide tutors to help you bring up your GPA so you can do well in your courses. At the same time, evaluate your passion for your chosen major. Make sure it's what you REALLY want to do. If it is, then go for it. If not, re-evaluate.

 

As for the social aspects--unfortunately, the more depressed you get, the less social you become (and the less others want to be around you), so you get that feeling reinforced that you're just not good enough. You need to focus on feeling better about who you are and what you can do and how you think. I agree with another post, find something you enjoy doing and do it, regardless of whether you're trying to meet people. Usually, doing something you enjoy brings you together with people who also like doing that.

 

Finally, an aside regarding acne. This might not work for you, but I had a friend in college who had severe acne and she used Proactiv--that stuff they sell on infomercials and in malls. It's expensive ($50 for a few months' supply, I think), but it really worked for her. Once you have some funds, you might want to try it (although I realize that not everything works for everyone.) I think it has a money-back guarantee.

 

But that's just an aside. The important stuff is getting help with your depression and finding other ways to learn the material in your courses. Don't give up....just realize that you don't have to do things the same way everyone else does. Very often, "un-normal" is good. It can help you see things in ways others can't.

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[ReggieAlex]

But...but you are so young! Your appearance is important so I suggest you look at getting Pro Activ for the acne. However, there is much more to this. You need an over-dose of self confidence too. Do have a look at my sig to see if that can help.

 

I'll encourage you however to talk with an adult, maybe a mentor, if your university provides these. Try to speak with someone who is older and has some experience.

 

My best,

ReggieAlex

[Crusoe]

Anyways thanks you all for listening...

 

 

Thanks for telling. There's nothing wrong with you son, you're no different from the rest of this batsh*t crazy race. All you got is the guts to recognize it and spill it.

 

Your life is no waste of time, not by a f*cking long shot. Can't you understand that? You're one off, unique, same as the rest of us. You haven't a clue what awaits you. I guarantee you this, what you feel today, ain't got no bearing on what you're going to be tomorrow.

[Nemicron]

I know how you feel man. Things will pick up But the depresstion also kinda hinders you from going forward. If I may make a suggestion. How about trying everytime you start feeling yourself get down and out you Tell yourself something positive instead. For example: If you tell yourself your feeling worthless. Say to yourself instead. I must not be worthless. Surely I'm worth something to someone.

 

If you try that enough time you will start to change you way of thinking and it will help. Trust me I've been there.

[Trinity2]

Hi JayC, I feel ya and am depressed too, and should have started my own thread, but can't handle that right now, so I just want to talk with those who are hurting too.

 

The discouragement is terrible isn't it, if feels like nothing will get better huh. It will though, we are due for some miracles.

[You'reasian]

You said you need to read things over a few times to memorize? No sweat. Drink a cup of coffee to get your mind sparked and do your reading; you'll probably retain more information that way. Sounds like you don't workout your memory muscles as much as others. Practice makes perfect.

 

As far as the cool guy thing? Don't sweat it. If you're trying to be a cool guy, you're just copying everyone else - be yourself, whatever that will be. Its ok to be yourself, guy.

 

No one has natural muscle. You have to workout to build it. The rule of thumb is that the longer you workout (total time) the longer you will generally keep the muscle.

 

The real issue seems to be your mental attitude. You can create all the fun, entertainment and excitement in your own life - you don't need external validation to do it. The mind is a powerful thing...

[KingCrimson]

1. You go to a real 4-year university, and the top public university in your state. How many people don't go to college at all? How many people drop out of college? How many people end up at a 2-year community college with a ****ty degree?

 

2. You're not even 21 yet, and in a strict conservative state like OK, i'm guessing booze and parties and bars aren't as free-flowing and lax as they are elsewhere. Start drinking and being more social.

 

3. You have some guy friends at least.

 

4. everyone has trouble ocncentrating. What's your disability? ADD? Get some Adderall. Drink some coffee, put on headphones to music you can zone into, and find a comfortable place to study.

 

4. Your complexion, etc.. can be improved thru diet/exercise (see next point). Also, do you use any pore/face cleansers? Moisturizers and lotion? Do you shower and wash your face regularly?

 

5. gray hair... get a new hair style to mask it. Buzz it. Dye it. Incorporate fancy hats, baseball caps, beanies, fedoras, whatever fits the occasion.

 

 

6. What's your diet and lifting routine like? Eat a gram of protein per lb bodyweight. Shoot for 3000 calories a day minimum if you want to bulk up.

 

Don't waste time with isolation exercises, machines, or that nonsense... Do free-weight barbell squats, deadlifts, cleans and other Olympic lifts, bent-over-barbell rows, bench press, overhead press, pullups, dips, weighted situps. Basically compound, multi-joint, multi-muscle group exercises w/ free weights.

 

Stick to low reps, 5 reps and 5 sets. This will guarantee strength gains. Also lifting everyday is counter productive. Get proper rest, sleep, nutrition, and EAT A LOT.

 

Lots and lots protein. Eat red meat, white meat, chicken, eggs. Drink a lot of milk, mix it with protein shakes. Get a lot of healthy fats. And remember, some saturated fat and cholesterol in diet IS healthy, and needed for hormone regulation. Eat healthy, whole grain carbs - not sugary refined garbage - brown rice, whole wheat pasta, whole wheat bread, oats, lots of nuts.

 

Your line of "lift everyday and lose it all in a week if I stop" is nonsense. You're definitely doing a ****ty 5-6 day per-week isolation routine loaded with curls, kickbacks, 100 crunches, and other nonsense, right? Then going home, skipping meals, eating sugary low-protein junk foods right?

 

If you really want to improve physique and get stronger, I suggest looking up and studying Starting Strength, Stronglifts 5x5, Madcow's 5x5.