My beef with NC

[rattled]

I know this thread will probably end up one-sided but I said f*ck it, I want to play devil's advocate today. I've been a user of NC and read every possible thread on every possible forum about relationships and how NC is the recommended passage to healing. I've employed it several times before and on various occasions they've been broken by either party. I have since been just over a month of no contact and 2 months of not seeing her (it would have been 2 months of NC but I broke it over a single phone conversation that led me to profess my love and such and it backfired - this is where I saw that breaking NC was bad).

 

To say the least its been a very difficult time for me as it probably is for many people that use NC.

 

But here goes my rant and beef:

 

I've been reading so many threads on how staying NC is for the better and its a time for healing blah blah blah not used for second chances. Fine. But I always wondered if both parties are using NC and are strictly enforcing it, how can reconciliation ever happen? This is where the "well if he/she really wants it THEY will break it and contact you!" Well hell, I'm sure many here REALLY want it but they come here seeking advice only for them to receive the answers "it's not worth it...blah blah blah". What if the same is being told to them? It's like this whole NC is just making people drift, to forget the past, and to get to the point where we ACT or have to put on a front like a relationship never happened. I REALLY want it but I feel like I've been now pre-conditioned not to break it ever because I come on LS everyday reading thread after thread about the NC rule.

 

Another thing is I hate the fact that NC has indirectly and virtually changed so many things I liked about my life! Facebook? I liked using it to connect with friends and families to see what's going on with the social world. Yes, as sad as it sounds, we live in a world where technology is dominant and phone calls or just plain face-to-face meeting becomes difficult because of school, work, and family. So yes facebook was my way of communicating with a lot of people. But now? because of her and NC i was forced to delete my account because of my fear of seeing pictures through mutual friends or seeing wall posts, etc.. I feel so out of the loop from circles of friends and families not related to my ex bc I dont have an account. Not to mention I changed phones and numbers so frequently because I moved often that I don't have anyones contact. This whole dropping off the face of the world type ordeal just isn't working for me.

 

It also changed the dynamics of so many groups of friends because her and I shared so many mutual friends. But because I chose NC, I started drifting from so many people I considered good friends because they were also close with her. So I basically deaded so many because I didn't want to hear about her or know anything about her in passing. And they, too, have changed towards me when we do see each other. Some seem to take "sides" and I hate that. Aside from facebook, I had to delete some friends off blackberry messenger for no reason but for that fact that they sometimes change their profile pictures with photos with my ex in them.

 

I hate the fact that NC feels like a chore. That I'm so focused on enforcing nc that it takes over my life. I try to keep busy, I do all the recommended things to heal but push comes to shove, I still think about her and sometimes I wish I could just contact her. But in comes NC, so instead I just start to innately think about memories, good times, bad thoughts of her and her bf.

 

I can't even go to places I liked going to because they remind me of her or I think I might see her. Some friends wanted me to visit them in the city I used to go to school and live in (and where my ex gf still lives) but I had to refuse because I knew that going out to bars and such had the large potential to see her and break contact.

 

That's probably many more things I can think of but I see that it's getting too long. I'm not trying to say that there is an alternative solution or that not employing NC is bad. My beef is that it directly and indirectly affects my life is so many more negative ways than I see positive.

 

/rant

 

Anyways back to nc

Edited September 25, 2010 by rattled

[pandagirl]

Well, I think the point of NC is to eventually not think about doing NC anymore. haha. You're putting too much energy into *thinking* about it, instead of just going on with your life.

 

Most importantly, you have to give up the idea/hope of getting back together! I know it's hard -- I've been NC for 15 days, and broken up for 25. I was the dumpee. It wasn't a bad breakup, but I was heartbroken. He hasn't tried to contact me. All I know is why the hell would I call him, when he's the one who let me go? If he wants me back, he's the one who is going to have to do the work.

 

It seems to me that you're going through the motions of NC, but not really embracing it emotionally.

[McGrupp]

nc's not get them back.

 

seriously its not.

 

call her up. did she pick up?

 

if no then whats the point...

 

its really for you to just forget about her

[LostInTurn]

NC, is to many of us, a method in qhich we embrace in order to move on. I know I used to that way. Regardless of what my heart felt it wanted, as badly as I may have wanted to pick up the phone, I knew I couldn't. I knew I couldn't because I would have been doing myself a huge disservice.

 

I will say, I broke NC many times. See my threads. It was in no way, shape or form worth how I felt the minute the conversation was over. I felt worse. Back to day one of NC. Terrible feeling. It's like one of those nightmares you try and wake yourself from, but cannot.

 

Are you above NC? Do you have a heart of steel? As yourself these questions. Some may be. I thought I was. I fought day in and day out, would go NC and break NC. I thought 'time' was medicine. The only medicine I see was going complete NC, for myself. It's a decision you need to make for yourself, accept and utilize. You need to be ok with NC. NC is a barrier we create within ourselves to move away from our past.

 

You asked a valid question: what if two people go NC and receive advice not to break NC. I can't tell you how much I knew to not break NC and did it anyway. Key phrase 'did it anyway'. People will ultimately make their own decisions based on their mind and heart. We do not always listen to those around us. Feeling something and acting is compelling and difficult. We many time, lose focus of what's best for ourselves. I can say, I did many times. Looking back, do I regret breaking NC? Well, I don't think I care nearly as much anymore, but sure I do. I wish I had walked away and said I was done with it all. But I didn't. Now I did. NC hits home at one point or another for the other party. That's how the cycle of life works.

 

Do yourself a favor. Think about what you're trying to achieve if you break NC. Where will it put you? How will you feel? What's the outcome you're looking for?

 

Don't sell yourself short. I KNOW you KNOW you're better than breaking NC.

[rattled]

Well, I think the point of NC is to eventually not think about doing NC anymore. haha. You're putting too much energy into *thinking* about it, instead of just going on with your life.

 

Most importantly, you have to give up the idea/hope of getting back together! I know it's hard -- I've been NC for 15 days, and broken up for 25. I was the dumpee. It wasn't a bad breakup, but I was heartbroken. He hasn't tried to contact me. All I know is why the hell would I call him, when he's the one who let me go? If he wants me back, he's the one who is going to have to do the work.

 

It seems to me that you're going through the motions of NC, but not really embracing it emotionally.

 

I understand. I was just wondering about the scenario that if he/she wanted to call or do the work. I've seen so many threads posted by the DUMPERS on advice whether to contact or not and the replies seem to always be NC anyways. NC for dumpers - NC for dumpees. Whats the deal with that?

 

 

nc's not get them back.

 

seriously its not.

 

call her up. did she pick up?

 

if no then whats the point...

 

its really for you to just forget about her

 

I do understand that it's not to get them back. I didn't call her. But when I did, yes she did pick up. That was just the first paragraph about my beef with NC. The rest of my rant was the direct and indirect consequences of NC that spilled over to other aspects of my life

Edited September 25, 2010 by rattled

[MrDestiny]

Facebook? I liked using it to connect with friends and families to see what's going on with the social world. Yes, as sad as it sounds, we live in a world where technology is dominant and phone calls or just plain face-to-face meeting becomes difficult because of school, work, and family. So yes facebook was my way of communicating with a lot of people. But now? because of her and NC i was forced to delete my account because of my fear of seeing pictures through mutual friends or seeing wall posts, etc.. I feel so out of the loop from circles of friends and families not related to my ex bc I dont have an account.

 

You don't need to delete your account in order to not see her on facebook. Just reinstate your account and then call up her profile. Then click on the link "block this person" and you will not be able to see anything that she posts on other people's pages. You also will not see her listed as a friend on other people's pages.

[rattled]

You don't need to delete your account in order to not see her on facebook. Just reinstate your account and then call up her profile. Then click on the link "block this person" and you will not be able to see anything that she posts on other people's pages. You also will not see her listed as a friend on other people's pages.

 

Did that. But when you have more than 100+ mutual friends and they post pictures from events that she's at, I can still see them. She doesn't need to be tagged. Main reason is that last Saturday I know she was at a mutual friends birthday at a club with her new bf. Many mutual friends were there also (this is how I know she was there). There definitely will be an album where the other friends are tagged and will show up on my news feed. It's not like the pictures where she's in won't be shown to me. So unless I'm going one by one to delete mutual friends (which I don't find a reason too because they are my friends too), I'm going to see pictures of her through other people's uploads.

[wendigo]

I am never totally convinved by nc before you are ready to go nc tbh. I guess everyone is different, so here are my thoughts.

 

My ex and I went back and forth for 12 months and there where points I was desperately trying to stick to nc, but it was useless because I still believed in the relationship and whilst that belief was going on nothing was making me think otherwise. I went back to suck it and see a few times and ended up eventually getting burned every time. I seriously don't regret going back to suck it and see because eventually I reached the point of 95% not believing in the relationship and I firmly believed that he was treating me badly/wrongly.... I think there came a time when I had been hurt enough and I knew going back he could just hurt me again in the same way he had been doing (which obviuolsy he didn't care he was hurting me) and quite significantly it seemed fairly clear to me that my relationship with my ex wasn't going to work. And tbh reaching that point has made nc easier.

 

i'll still be living by my rules, not the ls nc rules or anyone elses. if I ever end up back through believing his efforts - so be it. my risk. my lesson. but for me - that's what it takes. i feel I am in a much stronger position now. that's not to say the nc philosophy hasn't helped me sometimes but I feel under no moral obligation by it. just do what you think is right. you will learn one way or another. everyone's journey is unique and you'll never get all the complicated facts up on here!

 

I am not even 100% sure now it is not going to work with my ex but I am 95%. yes I think I maybe still want him but I think I have reached a point were I really believe there is nothing I could do anymore to make that relationshp work and I am totally unhappy with how he treats me and constantly misreads my normal needs as me trying to control him. So even though I am not 100% I am 95% that the thing to do is to focus on my own life.

 

Use YOUR best judgement. If suck it and see is what it takes, that's up to you. No-one knows the outcome of anything for certain. Focus on being kind to yourself and seek out the new good life you can have when you can. Try and calm down a little, not much rational thinking gets done in this state. Take some time to hurt - I mean really, it's ok, but one thing that helped me was when the new good stuff came/or I sought little by little - change happened.

[Don Ho]

You're not unhappy with NC, you're unhappy with breaking up. Whenever you break up, you cut ties and it changes your life. The idea about both parties doing NC is just BS, used by Dumpees to rationalize contacting their Ex. It is up to the DUMPER to make a move and if they don't then it is just OVER. If someone is really that interested, they WILL contact.

[rattled]

Don Ho - need I take time to search through the forum database for threads from dumpers requesting advice to contact their ex only to read replies from members recommending against breaking contact? I am rationalizing that thought as a dumpee? Absolutely not when I see it with my two eyes.

 

Want to talk BS? Then allow me to rip apart your rationale of "If someone is really that interested, they WILL contact." If everyone had this frame of mind I guess cliche statements like "If you want something that badly, go get it" wouldn't exist. Attributes of conservatism, maintaining status quo, and risk adverse characteristics DO exist. So why wouldn't they spill over to matters on relationships?? I can probably bet my life there are plenty of people who WANT things so badly in life but just never built the courage to go and obtain them. I guess that's where feelings of regret come in. I can't see that breaking NC would be any different. And when you say that it's just "OVER" when they don't contact, well I feel that it's really unfortunate that individuals aren't willing to find out for sure and go on with life based on speculation.

 

Just for the record Don Ho, I have the upmost respect for your opinions as I have usually agreed with them all when you give em out. I am still NC and probably will stay NC because I believe in its intentions. And you're right. I am unhappy with the break up but I do sometimes question the unintended outcomes of NC. I question whether or not some of the things I do are all necessary. That's just my thought and it's just my rant and how i'm feeling at this moment

 

Wendigo - I believe you are absolutely right. Everybody is different. I think the best thing I've heard is "i'll still be living by my rules, not the ls nc rules or anyone else's" I guess right now I'm trying this NC rule out to see if it fits MY life. And right now I'm just feeling a little uncomfortable with it but hopefully those feelings will subside.

Edited September 26, 2010 by rattled

[Don Ho]

Don Ho - need I take time to search through the forum database for threads from dumpers requesting advice to contact their ex only to read replies from members recommending against breaking contact? I am rationalizing that thought as a dumpee? Absolutely not when I see it with my two eyes.

 

Want to talk BS? Then allow me to rip apart your rationale of "If someone is really that interested, they WILL contact." If everyone had this frame of mind I guess cliche statements like "If you want something that badly, go get it" wouldn't exist. Attributes of conservatism, maintaining status quo, and risk adverse characteristics DO exist. So why wouldn't they spill over to matters on relationships?? I can probably bet my life there are plenty of people who WANT things so badly in life but just never built the courage to go and obtain them. I guess that's where feelings of regret come in. I can't see that breaking NC would be any different. And when you say that it's just "OVER" when they don't contact, well I feel that it's really unfortunate that individuals aren't willing to find out for sure and go on with life based on speculation.

 

Wow Rattled, someone peed in your Wheaties this morning! LOL. Ok, Dumpers have looked for advice about "how" to contact their Ex. I still maintain it is up to the Dumper to contact if there is to be a chance at reconciliation. The Dumper did the breaking, it is up to them to contact the Dumpee not the other way around. I didn't say you were directly rationalizing, my point was that many Dumpees rationalize contacting their Ex stating their Ex is "stubborn" and would never contact. I see that as an excuse. 98% of the time a Dumpee's contact will not go over well. A Dumpee can contact at some point, but don't expect a good outcome. You can likewise read all about how Dumpees' attempts at contact failed.

 

I don't see how you 'ripped apart my rationale'. You simply used a popular cliche about life and tried to apply it to broken relationships. I don't think that's "proof". It's a little bit like having a job interview, the company says "no" to you and you keep "going for it" and contacting the company. Kind of like hitting a wall and continuing to try to go through it. I think your cliche is more apt for the shy guy that wants to ask out a woman and doesn't have the nerve or other social situations. That's when the philosophy of "go for it" fits.

 

Like I said, a Dumpee can contact, possibly after a few months not a few days or weeks, to see if the situation has changed, just for peace of mind, but I doubt it will be successful. The problem is that many Dumpees on here have the "rationale" that because they have not heard from their Dumper and their Dumper is "super stubborn" that they should attempt contact. So, after a short period of time, when they are not healed or prepared, they go with their false hope and make contact with their Ex; only to be further hurt, disappointed and continue their anguish.

[teanoranges]

NC really is a SOB sometimes... I think the key to it is making it feel like its not a job. There's a natural inclination to some of us where we want to rebel against rules, and in a break-up.. come on.. we are groveling and doing all the rule-breaking when it comes to dignity.

I find NC to be easier when you look at it as 'me-time'. Time for you to take the distance and space and clear your head. Try to relax and get back to thinking straight...

Breaking up, for me, was one of the most mind-stimulating moments that I could not for the life of me think clear or straight or logical.

Time away from my ex, and understanding that at any time I can say 'hello' if I really wanted to, helped a lot.

When you stop putting rigid rules around you, its a lot easier to follow through and let NC do what its supposed to do... Help YOU!

At least, that's how I feel about it.

I spent about 8 months in NC and my head couldn't be in a better spot.

Now I think of 'talking' to my ex and I really have to convince myself that I'd like to... I really feel no need to drag up the past or any of those tired dramatic moments... I realized how much peaceful I feel with clearer thoughts.

 

Time, I tell you, the WORST thing anyone can say for someone in pain... but have faith in it and it will heal you.

TIME. (maybe some distance too)

[rattled]

My apologies if I came off sounding like a total douche there, I really didn't mean to. I was just kind of annoyed of seeing that statement constantly pawned off like it was a known fact or a proven law. It isn't. Neither of perspectives from both sides can be proven it is merely speculation based on threads on an internet forum. Now I'm not disagreeing with you that the probabilities don't favor the dumpees. Fine. Is it an excuse? Perhaps. But none of "they WILL contact you if they really want to" is absolute.

 

So let me get this straight. A "no" in any given situation constitutes an automatic "get over it and move on"? Hm. So the freshman who got cut from a basketball try-out this year should not try out next year because coach said "no". If I built up credentials over time and feel that I am worthy of reapplying to the job I got rejected from and still wanted the job, why not be able to do so? But clearly circumstances differ from one scenario to another. So your example is not the greatest.

 

And right now this is just getting into an unnecessary tangent about something totally unrelated. Bottom line is I don't disagree with what you're advising to members here. Matter of fact I agree. It PROBABLY is a SAFER route to go NC for dumpees. But I can't agree with you that you think you that dumpers aren't contacting the dumpees because they may or may not be interested. I'm just tired of hearing it as an absolute fact when it isn't and all dumpers and dumpees get categorized together as if we're all the same person.

 

I'm sorry if i come off again as a little bit of a d*ck again, I'm just a little bitter and I mean no disrespect don_ho because i know you give great advice.

[mickleb]

I am never totally convinved by nc before you are ready to go nc tbh. I guess everyone is different, so here are my thoughts.

 

My ex and I went back and forth for 12 months and there where points I was desperately trying to stick to nc, but it was useless because I still believed in the relationship and whilst that belief was going on nothing was making me think otherwise. I went back to suck it and see a few times and ended up eventually getting burned every time. I seriously don't regret going back to suck it and see because eventually I reached the point of 95% not believing in the relationship and I firmly believed that he was treating me badly/wrongly.... I think there came a time when I had been hurt enough and I knew going back he could just hurt me again in the same way he had been doing (which obviuolsy he didn't care he was hurting me) and quite significantly it seemed fairly clear to me that my relationship with my ex wasn't going to work. And tbh reaching that point has made nc easier.

 

i'll still be living by my rules, not the ls nc rules or anyone elses. if I ever end up back through believing his efforts - so be it. my risk. my lesson. but for me - that's what it takes. i feel I am in a much stronger position now. that's not to say the nc philosophy hasn't helped me sometimes but I feel under no moral obligation by it. just do what you think is right. you will learn one way or another. everyone's journey is unique and you'll never get all the complicated facts up on here!

 

I am not even 100% sure now it is not going to work with my ex but I am 95%. yes I think I maybe still want him but I think I have reached a point were I really believe there is nothing I could do anymore to make that relationshp work and I am totally unhappy with how he treats me and constantly misreads my normal needs as me trying to control him. So even though I am not 100% I am 95% that the thing to do is to focus on my own life.

 

Use YOUR best judgement. If suck it and see is what it takes, that's up to you. No-one knows the outcome of anything for certain. Focus on being kind to yourself and seek out the new good life you can have when you can. Try and calm down a little, not much rational thinking gets done in this state. Take some time to hurt - I mean really, it's ok, but one thing that helped me was when the new good stuff came/or I sought little by little - change happened.

 

This kind of response always makes me laugh.

 

People come on here and request some help with what to do when they have been dumped. Many offer NC as good advice because they have, in their own experience, benifited from it and they have seen countless others on this forum do the same. They have also witnessed the agonies that countless others have experienced by not doing it.

 

Then stubborn, maverick types start saying 'I won't be tied down by anyone's goddamned RULES, goddammit!' and tell people they can go and do whatever they, as INDIVIDUALS, please!

 

Do you really think that anyone who offers advice, advocating NC on here, thinks they can STOP somebody from going ahead and doing what they please?? Ironically, it's those who have accepted that they cannot control the actions of others who understand the wisdom of NC.

 

Please, live your own life but if you want some tried and tested decent advice, don't get all uppity about it when you choose not to take it.

 

x

[on edge]

First of all, if you are still hoping for a reconciliation then you have not yet grieved the relationship. Dude, it's over. It wasn't meant to be. if it was you would still be together.

 

Now, do you want to spend six months obsessing over someone that you are not meant to be with? Or do you want to heal, move on with your life, and try and better yourself?

 

If you want to be a whiney bitch for six months then keep trying to contact her. I did this and its not a lot of fun and just postpones the inevitable.

 

If you want your life back and you want to stop obsessing, then cut all ties and move on with your life. Eventually, you won't even notice or care. I could give two ****s if my ex is getting gang banged in the back of a bar right now. Really, I have no emotional attachment to her anymore.

 

Your situation is not special. Everyone on this board that has coped with the loss of a relationship has used NC. If you really have something to say to your ex, then post in the "Post here instead of contacting your ex" thread. Otherwise, spend the rest of the day doing something for yourself. Something that you used to enjoy.

[rattled]

First of all, if you are still hoping for a reconciliation then you have not yet grieved the relationship. Dude, it's over. It wasn't meant to be. if it was you would still be together.

 

Now, do you want to spend six months obsessing over someone that you are not meant to be with? Or do you want to heal, move on with your life, and try and better yourself?

 

If you want to be a whiney bitch for six months then keep trying to contact her. I did this and its not a lot of fun and just postpones the inevitable.

 

If you want your life back and you want to stop obsessing, then cut all ties and move on with your life. Eventually, you won't even notice or care. I could give two ****s if my ex is getting gang banged in the back of a bar right now. Really, I have no emotional attachment to her anymore.

 

Your situation is not special. Everyone on this board that has coped with the loss of a relationship has used NC. If you really have something to say to your ex, then post in the "Post here instead of contacting your ex" thread. Otherwise, spend the rest of the day doing something for yourself. Something that you used to enjoy.

 

It's quite clear that you haven't read a single thing of this thread. In no way shape or form did I say i wanted to break nc. I have used the "pst here instead of contacting your ex" thread.

 

Let me make this clear. My beef with NC is not its intentions. I use it because I know it's a good approach to coping with a loss of a relationship. I did not say that I was different from anyone else. I'm just not comfortable at the fact that when I employed NC that many things "i used to enjoy" was forced to change and my relationship with other people (friends) have also changed. It was a rant. I'm not putting flames to NC. Maybe my title was a bit misleading. My fault.

[on edge]

From your original post:

 

"But I always wondered if both parties are using NC and are strictly enforcing it, how can reconciliation ever happen?"

 

Eff reconciliation. HTH.

[wendigo]

This kind of response always makes me laugh.

 

People come on here and request some help with what to do when they have been dumped. Many offer NC as good advice because they have, in their own experience, benifited from it and they have seen countless others on this forum do the same. They have also witnessed the agonies that countless others have experienced by not doing it.

 

Then stubborn, maverick types start saying 'I won't be tied down by anyone's goddamned RULES, goddammit!' and tell people they can go and do whatever they, as INDIVIDUALS, please!

 

Do you really think that anyone who offers advice, advocating NC on here, thinks they can STOP somebody from going ahead and doing what they please?? Ironically, it's those who have accepted that they cannot control the actions of others who understand the wisdom of NC.

 

Please, live your own life but if you want some tried and tested decent advice, don't get all uppity about it when you choose not to take it.

 

x

 

In defence of my POV like I said... different strokes for different folks! simple as. To quote the life of Brian "We are all individuals!" With something that isn't always as straight forwards as it seems -I didn't expect it to sit well with everyone and I object to being called 'stubborn maverick type' just because I am choosing to take a different point of view to you and others. I am perfectly entitled to it without a personality attack thank you very much! I'm on this here post to help! not be attacked!

[GrayClouds]

In defence of my POV like I said... different strokes for different folks! simple as. To quote the life of Brian "We are all individuals!" With something that isn't always as straight forwards as it seems -I didn't expect it to sit well with everyone and I object to being called 'stubborn maverick type' just becauseI am choosing to take a different point of view to you and others. I am perfectly entitled to it without a personality attack thank you very much! I'm on this here post to help! not be attacked!

 

Should not someone help you understand were your position may be wrong? And if they do why do you feel like it is an attacked personal? It suggest that your not as comfortable in your "individualism" as you purport.

 

Secondly I suspect you do not understand the definition of "maverick". It is just a succinct vernacular reiteration how your own words ("I am choosing to take a different point of view to you and others")

maverick: mav·er·ick

–noun

 

1. Southwestern U.S. an unbranded calf or steer, esp. an unbranded calf that is separated from its mother.

2. a lone dissenter who takes an independent stand apart from his or her associates.

3. an electro-optically guided U.S. air-to-ground tactical missile for destroying tanks

 

 

 

.

[You Go Girl]

The answer to this problem is the obvious. No, you are not supposed to cut off YOUR friends and social life. That means that you don't cut off your fb friends, or stop going to friend's birthday parties.

You're cutting off contact with her--not with the rest of your life!

So the trick is to find ways to be active in social situations in which you might possibly run into her, and then if you do, make it short, make it sweet, then walk away fast.

You don't avoid the town where your friends invited you. Yeah, there's a small chance you might have seen her when you went out. There's also a a good chance that you wouldn't have seen her, so which would have been more disappointing?

The point is to continue your social life and enjoy it!

[wendigo]

Should not someone help you understand were your position may be wrong? And if they do why do you feel like it is an attacked personal? It suggest that your not as comfortable in your "individualism" as you purport.

 

Secondly I suspect you do not understand the definition of "maverick". It is just a succinct vernacular reiteration how your own words ("I am choosing to take a different point of view to you and others")

 

 

maverick: mav·er·ick

–noun

 

1. Southwestern U.S. an unbranded calf or steer, esp. an unbranded calf that is separated from its mother.

2. a lone dissenter who takes an independent stand apart from his or her associates.

3. an electro-optically guided U.S. air-to-ground tactical missile for destroying tanks

 

 

 

.

 

So many people go back and forth in nc and evenutally stop. What I am saying is that most people really stop when they feel it's right to.

 

I haven't said nc doesn't work or that I am against it. I have just offered my experience and point of view.

 

I think being called stubborn is an accusation, just because someone has or offers an alternative doesn't make them 'stubborn', just different - or a maverick LOL! My position about nc is not stubborn - it open. I fear that what I have said has been misunderstood.

 

Thanks for the definition on maverick -you were right I didn't get the meaning. However - it is the op asking for advice about nc, not me.

 

Again I stick to what I said in my last post. We are all free to offer advice on what we think helps. I was offering an alternative line of thinking to the op, which he seemed to appreciate.

 

I think this mail has been my final involvement with LS. Thanks to all who have helped me. Good luck!

[mickleb]

So many people go back and forth in nc and evenutally stop. What I am saying is that most people really stop when they feel it's right to.

 

I haven't said nc doesn't work or that I am against it. I have just offered my experience and point of view.

 

I think being called stubborn is an accusation, just because someone has or offers an alternative doesn't make them 'stubborn', just different - or a maverick LOL! My position about nc is not stubborn - it open. I fear that what I have said has been misunderstood.

 

Thanks for the definition on maverick -you were right I didn't get the meaning. However - it is the op asking for advice about nc, not me.

 

Again I stick to what I said in my last post. We are all free to offer advice on what we think helps. I was offering an alternative line of thinking to the op, which he seemed to appreciate.

 

I think this mail has been my final involvement with LS. Thanks to all who have helped me. Good luck!

 

My apologies if I have caused any offence. That was not my idea of a personal attack, more a gentle ribbing, but I admit I can come across to some as acerbic.

 

I also accept that stubborn was not the ideal word. I, too, think my post has been misinterpreted. I guess that can happen quite easily.

 

I'm glad you have found LoveShack helpful, wendigo, and wish you all the best.

 

(The same goes for you, Mr. Rattled.)

 

x

[cavedweller]

rattled,

 

NC alone will not work..

 

You must go 100% NC and find a replacement.

 

Otherwise, you will never 'move on'.

[GrayClouds]

rattled,

 

NC alone will not work..

 

You must go 100% NC and find a replacement.

 

Otherwise, you will never 'move on'.

 

WTF?????????? Find a replacement???????????????????????

 

Since when is love a second hand car?

[bobo113]

But I can't agree with you that you think you that dumpers aren't contacting the dumpees because they may or may not be interested. I'm just tired of hearing it as an absolute fact when it isn't and all dumpers and dumpees get categorized together as if we're all the same person.

 

Rattled- hasn't your ex got a new bf? If she's also not contacting you, I think the combination of those two things are probably a good sign that she's moving on. As everyone else has said, you can do what you gotta do, but I would agree its SAFER for you to move on. Best of luck!