bentnotbroken Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 I'm leery to answer this again because I got some negativity last time but I am an open book and it's nobody's life to live and accept but my own. My mm is married to his old high school sweetheart. He was her first. They have 4 kids together under the age of 10. (mind u this is what I've been told so I don't say it as fact, just his reasoning) She is an alcoholic and smokes pot very heavily. She has never worked a day in her life. He will not let her walk out with the children but she won't leave without them when they argue. She uses them as her pawn. He won't leave the house he bought to watch her let it get foreclosed on. She has no place to go. Her father is dead and her mom just got remarried and lives in a small trailer a couple hours away. He said she has an inheritance coming from her father's passing. It's in a legal battle right now because the wife doesn't want the kids to get it...but he said he knows that as soon as she gets a lump sum of money in her hands the first thing she will want to do is leave and have all the fun she thinks she missed out on by getting married and having kids so young. I guess she has threatened this many times anyway since she found out she had Money coming to her. In a way he is biding his time waiting for that to happen. He says she will want to leave the kids with him because she won't be able to booze it up and sleep around as a single mom of 4. So bottom line, he's hoping she'll make the first move and then if she does try to take the kids he has tons of stuff on her to fight back with in court. Would that be the same tons of stuff he could use to take them now if she is that unfit? Or is that the tons of stuff that will appear after she tries to leave with the kids and she suddenly becomes unfit? Hoping she will leave first so that he can save face. I can see that.
Author KarmasTestDummy Posted September 26, 2010 Author Posted September 26, 2010 Would that be the same tons of stuff he could use to take them now if she is that unfit? Or is that the tons of stuff that will appear after she tries to leave with the kids and she suddenly becomes unfit? Hoping she will leave first so that he can save face. I can see that. Yes it is but it is expectation in a couple months she will be leaving by choice on her own with no battle. He'd prefer to have it end smoothly with no legal fight if it is avoidable.
bentnotbroken Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Yes it is but it is expectation in a couple months she will be leaving by choice on her own with no battle. He'd prefer to have it end smoothly with no legal fight if it is avoidable. Then it is my hope and prayer that he gets more than he expects.
bentnotbroken Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 I asked you a valid question and instead of answering it you make comments about what my opinions are, which 1) you don't even know and are only guessing, and 2) have nothing to do with my question. I can only assume that you have no answer to it. Your question has nothing to do with this thread, therefore I feel no need to answer it. And I base my opinions of you on your post. As we all do on here.
seren Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 I'm leery to answer this again because I got some negativity last time but I am an open book and it's nobody's life to live and accept but my own. My mm is married to his old high school sweetheart. He was her first. They have 4 kids together under the age of 10. (mind u this is what I've been told so I don't say it as fact, just his reasoning) She is an alcoholic and smokes pot very heavily. She has never worked a day in her life. He will not let her walk out with the children but she won't leave without them when they argue. She uses them as her pawn. He won't leave the house he bought to watch her let it get foreclosed on. She has no place to go. Her father is dead and her mom just got remarried and lives in a small trailer a couple hours away. He said she has an inheritance coming from her father's passing. It's in a legal battle right now because the wife doesn't want the kids to get it...but he said he knows that as soon as she gets a lump sum of money in her hands the first thing she will want to do is leave and have all the fun she thinks she missed out on by getting married and having kids so young. I guess she has threatened this many times anyway since she found out she had Money coming to her. In a way he is biding his time waiting for that to happen. He says she will want to leave the kids with him because she won't be able to booze it up and sleep around as a single mom of 4. So bottom line, he's hoping she'll make the first move and then if she does try to take the kids he has tons of stuff on her to fight back with in court. Thanks for being so honest Karma, sounds like a nighmare, you know, reading on LS makes me realise that all situations are different and that life is not always black and white. While I don't agree that A's are the right thing to do, I can also acknowledge that my situation isn't the same as everyone else's. LS can be a huge learning curve and just reinforces how stereotyped people and their situations are. Thank you and I hope you have peace, however D Day pans out.
Silly_Girl Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Thanks for being so honest Karma, sounds like a nighmare, you know, reading on LS makes me realise that all situations are different and that life is not always black and white. While I don't agree that A's are the right thing to do, I can also acknowledge that my situation isn't the same as everyone else's. LS can be a huge learning curve and just reinforces how stereotyped people and their situations are. Thank you and I hope you have peace, however D Day pans out. Posts like this - and there's many from you Seren - is why you're one of my favourite LS posters. It's great you're prepared to see things from the other side of the street, so to speak. I try to, but don't do as well as you so I'll just keep on trying!!
fooled once Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 it is incomprehensible to me how anyone can hurt the one they love, and I am talking MP toward AP and stay married after D Day. I cannot imagine how hurt the AP must be if the WS stays and has promised the moon on a stick and will leave after a D Day. But I can see the not done with one or the other, it just seems so calculated. In an ideal world we would all just stay with those we love and when we are no longer in love, leave ..... if only it were so simple. Agree!! I highly doubt bs accepts it and agrees. Point is bs says okay we can get past this, but u must stop. He says ummm okay, but doesn't. Now bs is suspicious but has to find proof all over again to confirm it's still continuing. The lies never end. Maybe get smarter or the R is harder to continue or contact becomes limited, but rarely does a mm say yes dear she means NOTHING to me' and I gladly will never speak to or see her again. It just doesn't end that way that easily just because she knows. Just like a marriage won't end til he's ready neither will an A...the only way for that is if either BS or OW make the choice for him. Many MANY MM tell their wife "she meant nothing and I won't see her again" yet they do. Many MM continue lying, cheating and many OW continue to believe that one day the MM will leave. he is handed his way out when his wife finds out, yet so many still stay married. If I was an OW who was in that situation, I would be FURIOUS that he had his out and refused to take it. I would be humiliated that once again he chose loyalty to his wife; he chose to continue to not want to hurt HER. I would dumb his butt quickly!
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