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Is it safe to come here and admit we're having a great time with MM?

KarmasTestDummy

By KarmasTestDummy
in The Other Man / Woman

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Summer Breeze Established Member

Summer Breeze

Posted
Posted
I agree. and its also not wrong if those words offend and people respond with what they are really feeling as well. But alas, we know that doesn't fly. Only certain people can post what they are feeling.

 

Oh I hear the violins straining in the background. Only certain people can post what they are feeling-what a crock of bull Dex. You know as well as I do that the people who will speak up will do it here and in infidelity. You know as well as I do everyone puts in their feelings and jumps down the throats of the other side. Don't make it out that this is the only place anyone marks their territory. Aren't you the one who periodically says they won't be in the OW/OM forum anymore and yet here you are..........

 

And don't bother to attack me as an OW because I was a BS way before that happened and I've felt the hurt of betrayal as sharply as the love of a married man.

jthorne Established Member

jthorne

Posted
Posted

OP, is this the same MM that's dumped you for his marriage?

 

If you want to come here and say you're having a great time with someone else's husband behind the wife's back, I guess you can do that on an OW forum. But it is anonymous Internet forum, so the responses you get won't be the same as you'll get over on the OW only forum.

 

I'm interested to see how long you'll be satisfied with the NSA deal. It doesn't sound to me like you're getting much out of the deal, since he's made it clear that there are so many more other things in his life more important to him than you.

Dexter Morgan Established Member

Dexter Morgan

Posted
Posted
Oh I hear the violins straining in the background. Only certain people can post what they are feeling-what a crock of bull Dex.

 

nope, not a crock at all:)

 

 

Aren't you the one who periodically says they won't be in the OW/OM forum anymore and yet here you are..........

 

oh I try, then when doing searches I see a headline that just sucks me in.

 

otherwise I do like to keep my shoes clean.

 

 

And don't bother to attack me as an OW because I was a BS way before that happened and I've felt the hurt of betrayal as sharply as the love of a married man.

 

so what

jthorne Established Member

jthorne

Posted
Posted
nope, not a crock at all:)

 

 

 

 

oh I try, then when doing searches I see a headline that just sucks me in.

 

otherwise I do like to keep my shoes clean.

 

 

 

 

so what

Agree so what. I would go so far as to say that being a BS turned OW puts a person more deserving of ridicule than the average OW, but that's for another topic. Not sure why this OW felt the need to bring that up in the confines of this thread.

 

She was a BS so she feels entitled to brag about happiness with another woman's husband maybe?

fooled once Established Member

fooled once

Posted
Posted
Oh I hear the violins straining in the background. Only certain people can post what they are feeling-what a crock of bull Dex. You know as well as I do that the people who will speak up will do it here and in infidelity. You know as well as I do everyone puts in their feelings and jumps down the throats of the other side. Don't make it out that this is the only place anyone marks their territory. Aren't you the one who periodically says they won't be in the OW/OM forum anymore and yet here you are..........

 

And don't bother to attack me as an OW because I was a BS way before that happened and I've felt the hurt of betrayal as sharply as the love of a married man.

 

nope, not a crock at all:)

 

oh I try, then when doing searches I see a headline that just sucks me in.

 

otherwise I do like to keep my shoes clean.

 

 

so what

 

Agree so what. I would go so far as to say that being a BS turned OW puts a person more deserving of ridicule than the average OW, but that's for another topic. Not sure why this OW felt the need to bring that up in the confines of this thread.

 

She was a BS so she feels entitled to brag about happiness with another woman's husband maybe?

 

Trying not to thread jack. but Summer Breeze, seems as if you have an issue with Dexter..Dexter puts his feelings out there and last I understood, that is what internet forums are about. People sharing ideas/thoughts; people seeking advice, support, etc? Why is Dexter's opinion not welcome? I do agree with him, many times it seems as if certain posters are allowed to cross the boundaries without infractions; yet others seem to infractions no matter what they post ;)

 

I disagree that people "jumps down the throats of the other side". I have many OW on here who I am 'friends' with. I see many OW and BS's who can have a civil conversation. I see more issues with the hit and run posters who then get others riled up instead of just ignoring it. Those hit and run posters then cause all kinds of issues and many OW then decide to lump all of those on the other side together and it becomes a mess.

 

And FYI, Dexter isn't allowed to attack - because that is against the rules. He states his VIEW; which is what we are all entitled to do. Some people are more vocal in their view than others (on every side of the triangle mess). Some refuse to get into the 'fights' that seem to ensure when people disagree. It becomes a "my way is the only way" and then names start "bitter, angry" and it turns into a mess for Tony to clean up.

camel's toe Member

camel's toe

Posted
Posted
I don't see much of this happening. I sought out this site when I was going through some turmoil, got tons of support. Then I broke NC, changed the rules of the game with mm, and now we're just enjoying eachother's company..no strings attached. Am I the only one out there satisfied with status quo? I'd like to be able to come here and rave about the great trip we just took and that every moment we get together just feels surreal, but there is a feel on this board that I might get bashed for it or told I need IC and made to feel ashamed for actually not being torn and miserable over the A.

 

With that being said, I do have a question I need insight on. Mm and I jumped too quickly into the emotional aspect of the A when it began. He was the 1st to say I love u. Then our rule change was that we were going to stop all the pressures of making it a R, of the expectations that a R puts on him to finalize things immediately. So we ultimately chose the friends with benefits direction. There hasn't been anymore I love u's and we've just been enjoying great conversation and company. Then we got back from our trip last night and as I text goodnight he threw an I love u in. I tried to play it off, just said oh, sounds like someone's a little tipsy. Of course he came back with 'am not'...so I sent a smiley face and said goodnight. I'd be a lying fool if I said I don't still love him very much, but those spoken feelings complicate

Things and I don't want it to go back to complicated.

 

Can I say that they are always the first to say I love you. Why? Cos they have nothing to lose. And see how they always worm their way in. With a real relationship I think they'd be much more guarded. Thats why MM can eat my shorts cos they are full of crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!:bunny:

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KarmasTestDummy Established Member

KarmasTestDummy

Posted
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Posted
OP, is this the same MM that's dumped you for his marriage?

 

If you want to come here and say you're having a great time with someone else's husband behind the wife's back, I guess you can do that on an OW forum. But it is anonymous Internet forum, so the responses you get won't be the same as you'll get over on the OW only forum.

 

I'm interested to see how long you'll be satisfied with the NSA deal. It doesn't sound to me like you're getting much out of the deal, since he's made it clear that there are so many more other things in his life more important to him than you.

 

Yes same guy, but correction...he did not dump me' to stay married. He is and always has been planning to leave. We cooled it because of his kids. I was monopolizing his days and nights and his kids were paying the price not having his attention.

pureinheart Established Member

pureinheart

Posted
Posted
I don't see much of this happening. I sought out this site when I was going through some turmoil, got tons of support. Then I broke NC, changed the rules of the game with mm, and now we're just enjoying eachother's company..no strings attached. Am I the only one out there satisfied with status quo? I'd like to be able to come here and rave about the great trip we just took and that every moment we get together just feels surreal, but there is a feel on this board that I might get bashed for it or told I need IC and made to feel ashamed for actually not being torn and miserable over the A.

 

With that being said, I do have a question I need insight on. Mm and I jumped too quickly into the emotional aspect of the A when it began. He was the 1st to say I love u. Then our rule change was that we were going to stop all the pressures of making it a R, of the expectations that a R puts on him to finalize things immediately. So we ultimately chose the friends with benefits direction. There hasn't been anymore I love u's and we've just been enjoying great conversation and company. Then we got back from our trip last night and as I text goodnight he threw an I love u in. I tried to play it off, just said oh, sounds like someone's a little tipsy. Of course he came back with 'am not'...so I sent a smiley face and said goodnight. I'd be a lying fool if I said I don't still love him very much, but those spoken feelings complicate

Things and I don't want it to go back to complicated.

 

Hi KTD...I'm a bit late in response. Well last I heard this is a free country and you are in the right forum according to LS rules sooooo say what you need to. If you need to sing the praises of an event, do it...if you need to cry and need support due to hurt, do it...

 

I have not read your thread yet, although you come off in other replies as a cool person...I think that you will find this particular forum to be a very caring group of people...some chime in with rude remarks here and there, but just ignore them, which I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you didn't already know or have seen already. Take care KTD...:) and hugs!

pureinheart Established Member

pureinheart

Posted
Posted
I agree. and its also not wrong if those words offend and people respond with what they are really feeling as well. But alas, we know that doesn't fly. Only certain people can post what they are feeling.

 

 

Dexter, this is the OM/OW forum. I could understand if you happened upon this forum and said a few things, then left. This forum obviously is a very sore issue for you...to me it is like rubbing salt in your own wound...I don't understand.

 

The issue in this forum will always be A's. Going into an A, in the middle of an A, or coming out of an A. You lived through an extreme traumatic experience. So did I. Recently there were threads in forums that I totally did not expect and they were completely insensitive concerning timing, possibly that was not coincidence...for my own sanity I had to let it go...try if you can to let it go Dex...what purpose is served posting here day after day....why not try to help the men and women who are trying to get out of a bad R...

Summer Breeze Established Member

Summer Breeze

Posted
Posted
Trying not to thread jack. but Summer Breeze, seems as if you have an issue with Dexter..Dexter puts his feelings out there and last I understood, that is what internet forums are about. People sharing ideas/thoughts; people seeking advice, support, etc? Why is Dexter's opinion not welcome? I do agree with him, many times it seems as if certain posters are allowed to cross the boundaries without infractions; yet others seem to infractions no matter what they post ;)

 

Darling I have no issue with Dexter any more than anyone who says that either the OW or the BS are allowed to swan around saying what they want and the other isn't. We all know both sides say just what they want and that's from both sides. I'm not defending OW and I'm not defending BS-both sides do it all the time. Dexter was going on about how it was just the OW who are allowed to run riot over the forum and no one else dared say a word about them. May I say BS and I don't mean betrayed spouse. Both sides get out of line and both sides say things they shouldn't.

 

I disagree that people "jumps down the throats of the other side". I have many OW on here who I am 'friends' with. I see many OW and BS's who can have a civil conversation. I see more issues with the hit and run posters who then get others riled up instead of just ignoring it. Those hit and run posters then cause all kinds of issues and many OW then decide to lump all of those on the other side together and it becomes a mess.

And you know as well as I do that both sides have those hit and run posters and both sides have people jumping down peoples throats. Both sides also have very articulate and calculated posters whose main aim is to incite.

 

And FYI, Dexter isn't allowed to attack - because that is against the rules. He states his VIEW; which is what we are all entitled to do. Some people are more vocal in their view than others (on every side of the triangle mess). Some refuse to get into the 'fights' that seem to ensure when people disagree. It becomes a "my way is the only way" and then names start "bitter, angry" and it turns into a mess for Tony to clean up.

Vocal, attack, whichever. You know as well as I do that he can be bordering on attack as can many others.

 

My responses in bold.

Summer Breeze Established Member

Summer Breeze

Posted
Posted
Agree so what. I would go so far as to say that being a BS turned OW puts a person more deserving of ridicule than the average OW, but that's for another topic. Not sure why this OW felt the need to bring that up in the confines of this thread.

Glad I don't have your attitude. I don't think anyone deserves ridicule.

 

She was a BS so she feels entitled to brag about happiness with another woman's husband maybe?

No bragging. Just telling the way it was. Kind of like the OP talking about being blasted if she talked about being happy. Being happy isn't bragging.

 

Answers in bold.

donnamaybe Established Member

donnamaybe

Posted
Posted

Of course you can come here, of all places, to proclaim your happiness. I just hope you aren't waiting for your MM to choose for too long. As long as it's all about a good time, then you won't get hurt.

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KarmasTestDummy Established Member

KarmasTestDummy

Posted
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Hi KTD...I'm a bit late in response. Well last I heard this is a free country and you are in the right forum according to LS rules sooooo say what you need to. If you need to sing the praises of an event, do it...if you need to cry and need support due to hurt, do it...

 

I have not read your thread yet, although you come off in other replies as a cool person...I think that you will find this particular forum to be a very caring group of people...some chime in with rude remarks here and there, but just ignore them, which I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you didn't already know or have seen already. Take care KTD...:) and hugs!

 

Thank you Pure. I think I'm learning to take the good with the bad and so long as the benefits continue to outweigh the negativity I will continue to return and share.

Dexter Morgan Established Member

Dexter Morgan

Posted
Posted (edited)

And you know as well as I do that both sides have those hit and run posters and both sides have people jumping down peoples throats. Both sides also have very articulate and calculated posters whose main aim is to incite.

 

 

and you don't think telling stories of how wonderful effing someone elses spouse is doesn't incite?

 

 

Vocal, attack, whichever. You know as well as I do that he can be bordering on attack as can many others.

 

well see thats just it, certain people can't handle the plain truth of written word in a forum like this, all the while doling out pain to someone else in real life.....but the written words are just oh so wrong.:rolleyes:

 

Glad I don't have your attitude. I don't think anyone deserves ridicule.

 

case in point.....someone causing someone else pain doesn't deserve ridicule...but lets just forget about the person that is being caused that pain in real life. pleasure at someone elses expense....nobody deserves that...but that is of no concern in this forum is it?

Edited by Dexter Morgan
Summer Breeze Established Member

Summer Breeze

Posted
Posted
and you don't think telling stories of how wonderful effing someone elses spouse is doesn't incite?

She's looking to find somewhere she can post that she's happy. Don't want to read it then stay out. She's not coming in to talk about a BS she's coming in to talk about herself. No I don't think that incites.

 

 

 

 

well see thats just it, certain people can't handle the plain truth of written word in a forum like this, all the while doling out pain to someone else in real life.....but the written words are just oh so wrong.:rolleyes:

Huh? You were talking about how one sided it is in here and that OW are allowed to say what they want and no one else it. I haven't a clue what you're on about now. Whose doling out pain-the WS period. If there wasn't a WS there wouldn't be an A. Sorry. Stick to 1 point please it's so much easier to discuss that way. I feel like I'm on an episode of Lost in here sometimes.

 

 

case in point.....someone causing someone else pain doesn't deserve ridicule...but lets just forget about the person that is being caused that pain in real life. pleasure at someone elses expense....nobody deserves that...but that is of no concern in this forum is it? No they don't. No one deserves ridicule. Again I have no idea what you're getting at about the concern of the forum. I don't think anyone deserves ridicule.

 

In bold again.

Lizzie60 Established Member

Lizzie60

Posted
Posted

I haven't read the thread.. but yes it is safe.. in fact.. I have many MMs... and I'm still alive.. :laugh:

woinlove Established Member

woinlove

Posted
Posted
I haven't read the thread.. but yes it is safe.. in fact.. I have many MMs... and I'm still alive.. :laugh:

 

:laugh:

 

But you seem to know what you want. Anyone who is confident in their own choices will just pick out the ideas they find useful or interesting and dismiss any flak from anonymous posters.

 

I think the concern is from ones who are less sure they are getting what they want or need and are more sensitive to posts which are negative about their situation. I understand their desire to get support in their choices, when they don't feel confident in their choices but would like to. But I think that is exactly when they can benefit from hearing from all sides.

greengoddess Established Member

greengoddess

Posted
Posted
Totally agree! Haters stay out if you don't like it!

 

GEL

 

So GEL now that you have been happily married for a while how do you feel about women who come onto your husband. I am sure your husband is attractive. He must have many women come onto him knowing he is married. No problems with that?

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KarmasTestDummy Established Member

KarmasTestDummy

Posted
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So GEL now that you have been happily married for a while how do you feel about women who come onto your husband. I am sure your husband is attractive. He must have many women come onto him knowing he is married. No problems with that?

 

If their relationship is fulfilling he has no reason to cheat! Period! Not all mm in an A are serial cheaters. Those who are fortunate to find love don't necessarily feel the need to spend the rest of their lives looking over their shoulders.

Star_Bright Established Member

Star_Bright

Posted
Posted
If their relationship is fulfilling he has no reason to cheat! Period! Not all mm in an A are serial cheaters. Those who are fortunate to find love don't necessarily feel the need to spend the rest of their lives looking over their shoulders.

 

Nah, I'm starting to think that some men just want it all. Even if they have a fulfilling relationship they can still cheat because they want the ego boost. Or else they can't have a fulfilling relationship because something is wrong with THEM... they will never know true intimacy with one woman.

 

Often it can be a combination but there are certainly men who are in unfulfilling relationships who don't cheat. So I don't think we should give MM a pass based on "unfulfilling relationship." To me that is the easy way out instead of looking at him (and us, for being with them!)

Lizzie60 Established Member

Lizzie60

Posted
Posted

I agree with Star.. a lot of men have it all.. but will still cheat.. It's in their genes.. LOL but it's not always for an ego boost... it could be a million reasons..

 

plus not all men are serial cheaters... some good guys who have plenty of sex at home..who are reasonably happy at home.. will find themselves hooked in an affair with someone at work.. for example.. it's not premeditated.. it just happens..

Star_Bright Established Member

Star_Bright

Posted
Posted

Just wanted to add, KTD, because I've been thinking about this as I read other posts, that there are many cheating spouses who come on LS and say "it's not that anything is wrong with my marriage... I love my spouse..." etc. Right now there is one (by a MW) called something like "it's progressing, no lectures please" where the MW is saying that she had a good marriage and nothing was wrong and her OM has a good marriage and nothing was wrong, but they fell in love. Unfulfilled relationship with the spouse? No, and it still happened. And all the time OW come here and say their MM says there is nothing wrong with his marriage, he is happy. The one I've read recently that comes to mind is by unsure10, whose OM keeps telling her he is happily married and doesn't want an affair, and yet they are starting an affair.

 

So, I'm just explaining why I don't agree with your theory at all. To me it seems that people in fulfilling relationships--even by their own admission!--cheat. And then there are those who it seems to me are trying to point fault at their wives so they feel better about what they are doing. I mean, come on, NO relationship is perfect and everyone could find something about their partner or relationship that they find "unfullfilling"... makes it easier on them to not have to look at their own actions.

 

This is just what I've been thinking about my own situation because my exMM's wife does everything for him, her life revolves around his, yet he cheats on her with me. Sure, he can say and I can believe that there are things about her that are unfulfilling to him-- sex, intellectual companionship, understanding, etc. But he chose her to marry so how can he use these as reasons to cheat??? And she's changed, as he's changed... they've been married a long time and so yeah now things are not a bed of roses as he might have hoped but what happened to "for better or worse"? So I just start to think, okay he does this with me and blames it in part on her and their relationship (he has also taken accountability and said he knows he is doing the wrong thing and that's why he wants to get divorced)... so what could he do to me years down the line? It is a scary thought. :( Try as I might I'm not superwoman and could never fulfill him in every little way... especially if he has unreasonable demands or our circumstances change or he is using my not fulfilling him as a reason to be with someone else. Do you see what I mean? Just trying to explain my thought process here.

Star_Bright Established Member

Star_Bright

Posted
Posted
I agree with Star.. a lot of men have it all.. but will still cheat.. It's in their genes.. LOL but it's not always for an ego boost... it could be a million reasons..

 

plus not all men are serial cheaters... some good guys who have plenty of sex at home..who are reasonably happy at home.. will find themselves hooked in an affair with someone at work.. for example.. it's not premeditated.. it just happens..

 

Yes, I agree it's in their genes or maybe upbringing. If they grew up around cheating I think they are more likely to cheat.

 

I'm also starting to think it's a character trait so I slightly disagree with your second paragraph, it seems to kinda contradict the first. It "just happens" if they are the type of guy to let it happen. (And sadly I think MOST men cheat... but not all... I hope). If they want it to not happen then they have to take active steps to prevent it because even though it's not always pre-meditated they can always see it coming. And if they are not determined to not cheat then yeah they will just "let it happen."

Lizzie60 Established Member

Lizzie60

Posted
Posted
Yes, I agree it's in their genes or maybe upbringing. If they grew up around cheating I think they are more likely to cheat.

 

I'm also starting to think it's a character trait so I slightly disagree with your second paragraph, it seems to kinda contradict the first. It "just happens" if they are the type of guy to let it happen. (And sadly I think MOST men cheat... but not all... I hope). If they want it to not happen then they have to take active steps to prevent it because even though it's not always pre-meditated they can always see it coming. And if they are not determined to not cheat then yeah they will just "let it happen."

 

Easier said than done.. :o and yes MOST men cheat.. and 99.9% would if they knew they would never get caught.. ;)

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