seek Posted September 25, 2010 Posted September 25, 2010 Well I am new to do this, but I have kinda reached the point where everyone in my life is tired of hearing me talk about my marriage problems. Well my husband is working in Afghanistan he emailed me in May saying that he is not sure what is going on but he feels like something is missing from his life. We have 2 kids and have been married 5 years. I am not going to lie and say we have always had the perfect marriage, but the onl major problem has always been us fighting about him going out with his friends. I do not think I try to control him it is just that he would go out every fri and sat night if I did not complain. The way I see it is we are married have 2 kids we are grown ups we do not need to party all the time. Well I am a couple years older than him he is 28. I hnestly believe he has never cheated he really just likes hanging with his friends. Well when he came home for his last vacation we fought several times because he wanted to go out and i thought he should stay home. I know I was kinda being selfish with his time but we only had 0 days together. Well anyways he said he is not talking divorce right now. I kept emailing him and would only get a response every week. Then in the begining of Aug. I stoped emailing him all of a sudden he is calling and emailing me and acts like he nver even sent the email. I got excited and started emailing more again and now I feel like he is backing off again. I am almost 100% sure he has not met someone I know everyone says that, but hes travels base to base and never stays on 1 more than a couple days and He is not really the girl crazy type im only his 2nd gf ever. I think its about his freedom and me trying to pit so many restictions on him. Not 1 of his friends is married and they all go out and I guess since he joined the Army at 18 never really got to expeiernce this lifestyle much. Now he talks about when he comes home us redoing the kitchen and stuff so that makes me think he is staying but I just do not know. Sorry so long but like I said friends and family tell me its all I talk about and they are sick of hearing it. Do you think there is hope for theis marriage and any suggestions on what I can do?
tojaz Posted September 25, 2010 Posted September 25, 2010 Yes Seek, I think there is hope, and i think you are seeing a lot of what is going on. Hes a guy married young, in the military young, surrounded by single guys out living that type of lifestyle and hes hearing the tales and wondering what hes missed out on. Its natural, it happens to lots of people. I commited to the woman who would become my wife young, we were 18 when we started dating and i never looked back until she left me at 30, because she wondered what she was missing out on having commited so young as well. Questions i had at times as well but had never worried about them enough to give up what i had, my thinking being that why give up something/someone I loved for what May or Maynot be out there. Aside from the fighting about him hanging with his friends and the obvious problem of the current distance between you, have their been any other issues? When does he return from Afghanistan? Lastly any other triggers that may have spurred this kind of thinking? The more information, the easier it is to see what were dealing with. Keep posting TOJAZ
Author seek Posted September 25, 2010 Author Posted September 25, 2010 We really have never had any other problems other than his going out. I think what triggered his email was that he was home a week before on vacation and evertime he wanted to go out I complained and said he needed to stay home with me and the kids. I a, always welcome to go out with him, but because we have kids sometimes a sitter in not avaliable. I should also say that we have 1 child together and I have 1 from a previous relationship that the father passed away who he has taken on as his own siince she was young when we got married. I think because I was already a parent for 5 years before him I have already grown up a lot more and I had my young single days and now I am just not interested in going out. I also think the fact that he has been apart from us for a year has made him not realize how important we are because hes used to not having us around all the time. He comes home for another vaction in December and he says he would like us and the kids to go away on vacation he comes home for good in March. I tend to think he sent the email because of his visit was not really pleasant and he did not really think it out completely. I hope since he plans on this vaction and house repairs its a good sign. Thanks for listening and your imput
Author seek Posted September 25, 2010 Author Posted September 25, 2010 I also want to add that I know in no way am I perfect. I now see that I thought I was being reasonable, but I was being selfish and needy. That I had my time to go out and have fun and grow up at my own pace and I need to allow him the same. I just wish rather than he take such drastic measures he would have talked to me about the fact that he felt smothered.
tojaz Posted September 25, 2010 Posted September 25, 2010 I also want to add that I know in no way am I perfect. I now see that I thought I was being reasonable, but I was being selfish and needy. That I had my time to go out and have fun and grow up at my own pace and I need to allow him the same. I just wish rather than he take such drastic measures he would have talked to me about the fact that he felt smothered. Well no time like the present to start communicating those things between the both of you. Were you being ressonable? Probably, and i would wager he was to start as well. Its about finding balance. TOJAZ
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