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Why do I feel Dirty and F*****

HoldingPatterns

By HoldingPatterns
in Coping

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HoldingPatterns Member

HoldingPatterns

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Posted (edited)

My ex and I have been broken up for going on 2 months. She has a new b/f (one week after our "break") and I haven't seen her physically in about 1 1/2 months. We finally entered NC last week and it's been a battle.

 

My ex had alot of red flags in the beginning I chose to ignore. I met her at a party for no. 1 (not to bad but still). We live in a town of about 30,000. My ex is 21, we met when she was 19, we dated 2 years I'm 26. I remember hearing all kinds of rumors about my ex, that she was a sl*t and that she was a Wh*re (Red Flag 2) but I didn't want to be that dude that listens to gossip. I think I should have.

 

I learned from my ex-g/f the true meaning of heart break. She destroyed me. I believe she is a succubus or possessed with the Jezabel Spirit. I don't know I've dated other chicks and this one has me questioning reality. I remember how she never had anything good to say about any of her ex b/fs(Red Flag 3). She always had a strange aura. It was like she knew everything that was going to happen to us and was almost god/demon like.

 

I have made it a sick hobby to diagnose her with every personality disorder in the book, Narsacisstic, Sociopathic, Histrionic, Etc...

AND I HAVE!!!!

 

Now I just need to Rant! I'm over the relationship but not her, maybe cuz she is the most elusive and mind fu*king person I have ever met!

I really want to say that it is Immaturity. 21 yeah she's emotionally Immature, but i recently talked to one of her ex's (one she hated) and he was acctually an ok guy! He told me pretty much, her and him did the exact same stuff we did and had the exact same talks that me and her had only his was shorter with her(8 months) Now I don't know what is real or not. I caught my ex in some lies, and her ex told me he did too.

 

GIVE ME ANYTHING LOVESHACK!!! I'm trying to cope, but i'm not doing well. I feel like for 2 years of my life NOTHING WAS REAL!!! and I can't stop my obsession with figuring her out! Her Ex bf told me things that she told me, but she said "She only ever felt that with me" This Sucks! I feel Dirty and F*****:sick:

 

Really I'd hate to think I got bitten by an emotional vampire! for 21 she is Really good at what she does same pattern with every guy Varified by her ex that spoke to another of her exs too! Is it Immaturity at it's prime or is it evilness, vindictiveness, hell hath no fury!!!

 

Thanks for any replies Sorry long Vent!

 

PS. I think it's because she was so sincere with everything she said and did! I mean she mirrored me or something, she becomes guys, than destroys them.

Edited by HoldingPatterns
mickleb Established Member

mickleb

Posted
Posted

Breathe, HP.

 

I think you're much closer with immature than succubus.

 

It's horrible finding out that your partner lied to you but I suspect that 99% of people here have experienced it. What fights this is our own egos: How on earth could we be fooled like that? We hold ourselves in higher esteem and we held them in high esteem, also, so when we find that out the truth, we are doubly shocked and dismayed.

 

Anger is a healthy response of the grieving process. In a break-up, it helps us to distance ourselves from the apparent source of our pain. It also helps us to identify what we need to fix in ourselves. Use it wisely.

 

Don't waste your energy demonising a very sad, broken young lady. She has many issues going on and probably has a heart-breaking explanation for her behaviour, lying in her upbringing, but she has no right to hurt others because she is hurting, herself. Her behaviour needs no supernatural explanation and she, I'm sure, will suffer further for it. But she is her responsibility and you are yours.

 

You need to figure out why you were so easily fooled, why you ignored the (now, seemingly obvious) red flags. You need to rebuild your image of yourself so that you can learn that, even if you find the next person you have a relationship with is not worthy of your trust, that you can TRUST YOURSELF to survive them.

 

Nobody is cursed here. Except those who refuse to accept and address the truth and I feel sorry for them.

 

Take care.

 

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