The classic "I still love her and want to get her back"

[michaelc82]

Hi Everyone! Just wanted to fill you in on my story..

 

So I met my ex through work about 2 years ago.. We became friends, and i fell deeply in love with her... We ended up hooking up one night when we were drunk, which turned into us dating and her not really being into the situation until we had a talk and I professed how much I loved her.. She left on vacation for 2 weeks, and then came back wanting me.. Fast forward a year and a half later, she moved in with me and we were happily together and talking about marriage. About 2 months ago she dropped the bomb that she wanted to move out "to save the relationship" right before going on vacation.. We ended up going on vacation together and it was just horrible, talking about the relationship the entire time, and basically going through a week long break up, she never said once she wanted to break up, but just confused and didn't know what she wanted to do... She suggest we go back to "dating" each other and try to re-kindle our romance. When we got home she left to stay at a friends place, and I had to leave for a week on business.. On that week away we decided we would give each other some distance, and she would stay with a friend till she found a new apartment. I came home and all her clothes were gone out of the closet except one single dress.. Also there was a book on my side table by my bed that she put a old bday card with a love letter from her in it as a bookmark. Definitely some weird mixed signals.. I saw her and she wanted to meet up for lunch, and I asked her how she felt about the relationship and she still couldn't give me a solid answer.. so I broke up with her.. Told her I felt horrible being strung along and stuck in limbo like this. I said I needed some time apart from her, and we needed to end things cold turkey as I was really upset by the whole situation. I pretty much was forced to break up with her, or just sit around while she slowly vanished from my life.. Not a healthy way to end things in my opinion.

 

I decided to read one of those get your ex back e-books from some site.. Followed everything in it, and 3 weeks later I wrote her a hand written letter saying that I agreed with the break up, and that I am working hard to pick up the pieces and move on.. And that hopefully we could be friends one day. She responded with a letter the next day saying that this was the hardest thing she's ever had to do in her life, and that she misses me greatly, and hopes too that we could be friends one day, and that she wanted to meet up face to face soon.

 

We didn't really meet up, i just bumped into her in the hallway at work, and we ended up chatting for 15 minutes or so.. No talk about the relationship, i just kept it cool and smooth. She would continue to txt me telling me how nice it was to see me everytime we bumped into each other. I even made the mistake of going to play soccer with the team we used to play with as well, to try and get closer to her.. everytime i would go she would txt me afterwards to tell me how nice it was see me again.

 

 

So a couple weeks go by, I am going absolutely nuts pining over her.. But still holding my ground. Then around the start of september I decided I was going to climb this mountain (mt whitney) we were both going to climb together this sunday Sept 26 which is her bday.. She always wanted to climb this mountain before she turned 30, but now that we weren't together I wasn't going to be climbing it with her. So i went and climbed the mountain solo and she knew about it.. She wished me luck and was jealous that i was going to do it alone with out her. When I got to the top of the mountain I wrote out in rocks "I STILL LOVE YOU" took a photo of it, and sent it to her..I also told her i saw a meteor shower that night, and with every shooting star I saw, I made the same wish. She replied right away after I sent the photo and txt telling me how I never cease to amaze her, and thanked me for it. That weekend I was gone she was moving out the rest of her stuff from my house.. I came home and walked in the house to find she left a giant painting of her in the kitchen in plain view when you walk in.. And a box with some other random stuff.

 

I txt'ed her saying "you left a giant painting of you in the kitchen" and she replied that she was sorry and that she "accidentally" left it there.. yeah right.

 

So the next week I asked her our for dinner at my place and she agreed.. At 11am the day of she txt's me that she's not feeling well and wants to schedule for the next day.. I had some friends in town the next day so couldn't do it, and then asked if she wanted to meet up for drinks in new york the following week instead? (we were both there for work) And she said she would love to but wanted to come over and grab some of the stuff she left behind that day. She came over to my place and we talked for about an hour (she didn't seem like she was sick one bit at all).. Just catching up and chatting about everything, I showed her photos from the climb, and we talked about a bunch of other things.. To add something else to the mix, i found out she was dating a guy from our soccer team who's a complete douche bag.. (his last two gf's were strippers, and he's a total dirtbag in my opinion).. she didn't know i knew about this, but apparently it had been going on for 3 weeks or so and she didn't tell me (friends of mine broke the news to me). I brought it up, and told her I knew about it and she was pretty upset I already knew.. saying how it's funny that I already knew everything about her life..(we live in a small town and work in a small industry, bound to find out) I played it cool and was like, cool good for you, im glad you're happy! she kinda cried a bit when i said that, and was clearly uncomfortable by the whole situation. When she went to leave she hugged me and we hugged for a while.. and then she continued to stick around for another 20 minutes or so, and then I was like, hey I have to get going and stopped the conversation.. She hugged me again and kissed me on the cheek, and left crying a little bit.

 

 

So a few days after this I went to new york earlier than her to go see some friends, and she was txt'ing me hoping that I would have fun there.. and then sending me random emails like "Hey I picked up your suit from the dry cleaners want me to bring it to NY for you" why would i need my suit?? It is a suit i wore at a wedding with her a few months back, and i NEVER wear suits.. Well she gets into town, and i don't get any call from her.. I see her all week at the work meetings we're at and she wont stop talking to me there.. But won't call me to go for a drink like we agreed on (i told her to let me know when she was available as my schedule was little more flex than hers) no invite for drinks till thursday when she's like I'll call you after I have dinner with Amy tonight! Then yep, no call from her. Nothing.. She txt's me the next day saying she was tired and went to sleep instead.. So friday night we had a big work event there, she looked beautiful by the way.. And i saw her there and kinda just brushed her off and told her I was looking for someone when we bumped into each other.. The rest of the night we didn't speak a work to each other, but saw each other around a bunch. A mutual friend of ours who knows about the situation had a few too many drinks and started talking to her, and let her have it.. He was like "what are you doing, it sounds like you want to be with him, but you don't" and that she should leave me alone if she didn't want to be with me. She said that she didn't know what she was doing and was confused.. and started crying after he confronted her.. So he told me about this and apologized to her and I for getting into our business.. Since that night I haven't spoken a word to her! back into full on NC and I haven't even told her I'm giving her NC.. it's tearing me apart, but I feel like she deserves it.

 

 

She left a camera of mine she had in my mailbox at work the other day with a little note on it saying "Thanks :)" and then emailed me today at 5:30 pm saying "Hey i left your camera in your mailbox, hope you had an awesome week, and have a fun weekend! -me"

 

This weekend is her 30th bday weekend.. We were supposed to go camping together, and I was going to propose to her on top of that damn mountain.. She was the love of my life, and I'm left here heartbroken pining over her wanting to get her back.

 

I want to just ignore her all together, but I still love her so much that I want to try and fight for her and get her back.. But I don't like playing these games at all.. One of the reasons she left me was because she felt I wasn't ready to commit, marry her, and start a family, which lead her to falling out of love with me..

 

She told me that this was the hardest thing she's ever done in her life, and all the little things she's doing leads me to believe she want's me to try and fight for her..

 

Should I make her an amazing bday present and mail it to her (I don't know her new address but if I mail it to my house it will get forwarded over to her because she changed her mailing address with the post office)

 

I feel horrible just ignoring her on her 30th bday.. Should I make the effort to do this? I still really want to fight for her, she's the one I want.. The one I want to win over again! I won her over once, I feel like I can win her over again considering we had issues in our relationship that were unresolved.. I really think counseling or talking through it all would have made everything better as we have an undeniable bond and connection between the two of us.

 

Any insight into this mess would be great! Thanks for reading if you made it this far!

 

Would love to see what all the femail readers think as well.

 

ps. I've been doing a great job getting on with my life, got back into some old hobbies, started some new ones, and have been improving myself as much as possible and have also been dating new girls.. I still feel the same about my ex though, I want her back so bad, I feel like I need to fight for her! I also could care less that she's gotten into a rebound relationship with some douche bag.. I still want to win her heart back!

Edited September 25, 2010 by michaelc82

[Caradavine]

It's a heartbreaking dance and I'm in one, too. You pull back and he/she suddenly seems interesting, but then you get comfortable or hopeful and they pull the chair out from under you. I wouldn't even get her a gift, but if you do it should be minimal and as a friend unless you are sure you can handle the heartbreak of it not making a difference.

[Trovador]

Long rant there, man!

 

Look, bro, she is 30, she definitely is in other wavelength, she must be thinking of marriage, kids, a nice home, etc... every day with a man that doesn't show the the same interest in that stuff (or just doesn't seem the right man at the moment) it is a luxury she can't afford... and if you didn't know, women worry a lot about their future, you can be all they want in a man but if you don't want or can't commit yourself to them, you are game over...

 

Sometimes I think (and see) my ex loves me, but it is a moot point since I can't give her what she wants from me: a future... in other words, love has little to do when women have a different perspective on life than what men have... you can fight for your ex, but if you can't give her what she might want I'd advise you strongly to let her go... if you envision a life with her, stop the games, and by all means talk to her about your intentions, but remember that old literary advice: show, don't tell!

 

On the other hand, if you feel she is manipulating you in order to force you to propose or something, don't go there man... do it only if you feel it... at least you will know if marriage is the true source of her issues...

 

Hope I didn't confuse you with my bad English... good luck!

[michaelc82]

yeah I know she's on her 30 year old wavelength of settling down and starting a family.. She was worried the entire relationship that I wasn't commited to starting a family with her, scared I was too into my career, etc.. I think I need to at least tell her one more time that I'm 100% serious about wanting to marry her and start a family.. We sort of have the talk when we were breaking up but I was so shocked by the situation that I couldn't answer her with enough clarity and confidence about what I wanted.. It's been a couple months now and I know exactly what I want.