sw Posted September 25, 2010 Posted September 25, 2010 Ok, first off I didn't go snooping, she was sitting next to me and I glanced over and saw what she was chatting about. Some background info first: I met this girl 3 years ago, she had just left an abusive relationship. We started hanging out everyday and eventually having sex, but it didnt last long. She started getting distant and then I found out she was hanging out with the Abusive boyfriend again. So, we dont talk for 3 months and then she's back, he was abusive again. So after researching abusive relationships I realise she needs a friend only. We had sex a year later a few times but again she backed off. For the last year its been just friends, but I show her I care about her and she knows I love her. She seems to struggle with something and is always kind of depressed, so I am her friend, we text and email almost every day, but hang out once in a while. A few weeks ago she calls me at midnight crying , I'm kind of used to this, she always calls me when she;s down. But this time she was saying she wants to see me and she wants to cuddle with me..this surprised me, because she keeps her distance from me. This morning she calls again crying for no reason, so we talk and she settles down, and we make plan to hang out this weekend. So, i'm at her place tonight on the couch watching a movie and I glance at her Blackberry while she chatting with a girlfriend. she was talking about some guy she "loved" that had upset her this morning.So now I know why she called me crying this morning. I cant help be jealous, but I know we are just friends, So , tonight I was the back up plan. So, my dilemma is: Do I tell her I know shes seeing someone else and tell her I dont want to be the emotional tampon anymore? I mean I cant hang out and with her unless I know she truly wants to be with me, I feel so used, she always calls me first when shes down, but most of the time she keeps her distance.
TheLoveAdvisor Posted September 25, 2010 Posted September 25, 2010 I think she already knows you know about her current situation..And if anything, she is way above your head to handle it, this is why she uses you like a cuddle buddy instead of a lover... She sees men as abusers, they are considered strong in her eyes.. She is afraid, but more than likely molded over the years from abuse she saw in her childhood... And the question you should ask yourself, could you truly handle her if she gave up her abusive boyfriend??? You realize that a girl that stays in an abusive relationship has some serious issues... Its good at least she has an understanding friend, but it seems that is all you will ever be unless you man up or accept what you have already..Its your choice and her decision!
New Again Posted September 25, 2010 Posted September 25, 2010 From your post it seems pretty clear what the status quo is, and it doesn't sound like she has promised you anything or led you to expect anything different from her. Therefore, I don't see the point in bringing this up to her. You know without a doubt what the situation is, you know that you will never be with this girl, so it's your decision what you do with that knowledge.
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