trippi1432 Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 It has been over a year since the ex left, the D is done…just waiting for the judge to sign, and I find myself here…re-evaluating my life. Actually, not really re-evaluating, but wanting to just turn my life over…upside down and get a do over. I look at what I have accomplished…the job, the house, the education and I see them all as worthless. I’m sure that this is how my ex saw it all too when he left, he wanted simple so he said. I wish I could have had simple too…thought we both wanted this. Then I remember, before him, I did have simple. My life was uncomplicated. I had friends, had my daughter, I laughed more…I didn’t worry about the rat race, didn’t care about it. But that’s where I am now. My job, as I knew it is gone…my own fault for taking a leave of absence. So many issues going on, I couldn’t cope, now I am not reliable, not dependable and stuck in the sewer lines of the company. Just mundane tasks…don’t think about it, just do the same thing over and over again all day long. The only benefit, get to go home and forget about the job….but to what, an empty house. But it’s a job….take the pay and forget about what would make you happier. Isn’t that what I did for 15 years? Have to suck it in for the job because (as he said upon leaving) I got what I wanted…the house. My kids…my youngest with a behavioral issue, living with his dad now. Best for both of them, but I didn’t expect any of this, even though I made that decision. My son has always been tied at the hip…both of my kids really. I didn’t expect to become divorced, exiled to a job I hate and get to an “empty nest” all in the course of a year. I’m working hard not to just turn it all upside down…quit the job, sell the house and move back to the beach where I was happy. Just start over again….I can’t screw it up more than it’s already been.
dragonwave Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 Trippi - accomplishments are not worthless. C'mon, that's like chocolate and bad in a same sentence or "hot day" and "cold beer"- not possible! You are under-estimating your progress and accomplishments causing its all not coming together the way you imagined. LIfe today is not like how you ever imagined it to be but that does not mean it will never be. Divorce is hard, gut wrenching and ultimately life changing. You have come through it. If the job is horrible, consider looking for something different, you are in a better place emotionally and wil be able to handle responsibilities differently now. For the moment, let things be, perhaps in a few months you can evaluate and maybe going to where you feel the most happiest....close to the beach, a complete change of scenary will be best. As we all know, no matter where you go, there you are. Take some small steps to address what is unsettling. I know too well the feeling of an empty house - its sucks! I have had to make a point to find something a few nights a week to occupy my time outside of the house. Might be worthwhile to look at things from the perspective of what can I now do that I never had time for before. Fun things and new things.
Author trippi1432 Posted September 25, 2010 Author Posted September 25, 2010 Thanks DragonWave - I know that I have to take it in stages, just thought I would be further along in rebuilding my life by now. Just seems to have one thing after another taken away. Sometimes to rebuild, you have to tear it down and work your way back up...I don't know....just trying to figure it all out.
worlybear Posted September 25, 2010 Posted September 25, 2010 Hey Trippi Have you considered moving from your current house- perhaps downsizing or even just getting somewhere that is "yours" ? I had to move when my STBX walked out -apart from the financial pressure it was really difficult living in our shared family home by myself. I am now renting and am lucky in that I still have a daughter at home- we have made this "our" home. Like you I am struggling with job ,or, in my case lack of one. I never envisaged being the sole support for my daughter and the jobs are very thin on the ground. I am determined not to grab at anything and am looking hard for something that I will feel comfortable doing as I think that being happy at work is vital when everything else has disappeared. Hang in there and check out all the vacancies -you never know what's around the corner- it could be your ideal job!:bunny:
Author trippi1432 Posted September 26, 2010 Author Posted September 26, 2010 You're right.........you never know what is around the corner......I've always tried to think positively about my life...even with the negative surrounding me. It's hard Worlybear....we all wish for a little bit of peace...some of us get it because the past is the past...some of us don't because we let the past become us....sometimes the past just catches up to us....an ugly circle.
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