Frustrating love life

[lovingone]

Hi all. I am a 36 year old female that has never been married and has no kids. I am posting today because an experience I had yesterday reminded me how awful my love life has been.

 

I was at a grocery store that I shop at sometimes and for the second time a certain box boy made "advances" towards me in the form of a lot of "unessasary" small talk.

 

I'm sure that even in this economy no man over the age of 25 works as a grocery store box boy. The guy is somewhat attractive but not totally my type and most likely way too young for me.

 

The funny thing is that this week there was a young clerk at a drug store I shopped at that I thought was cute, but too young to date. But he didn't flirt.

 

But the experience brought back in my mind what has basically been the story of my life. I , for the life of me, can't attract someone that I am ATTRACTED TO.

 

Even on internet dating sites I get tons of responces from men that are not my type and usually bomb when I contact a guy I am attracted to.

 

Two times in my life I got a guy I really wanted! But both times we had a really good first date and then it was a slow decline into nothing. One treated me like nothing I cared about mattered, the other apparently only stayed with me to sell my father shares of stock.

 

Well thats my rant. Maybe some of you can relate. It sure would be nice to walk down the aisle to someone I really wanted to be with but right now I would settle for "ok".

[Sunny-side-up]

Sounds like you've got a defective man radar.....

 

But consider this.... you;re hot enough that the guys 10yrs your junior think you;re cute.. (I'd be doing cartwheels if that was me!)

 

Anyways,

Perhaps you could write yourself a list of what truly matters and what you really want in a guy... then, tick them off as you go along.

 

Also, I heard somewhere

 

Say no to the men you'd usually say yes to and yes to the men you'd usually say no to.

 

Thats where I'm at just now.... why? Because I like players if left to my own devices... I can sniff them out from a mile away and I'm there.

These days, I deliberatley stay away from them and go for the guys that are more in line with my "true" wants and needs.....can't say I've had any fireworks yet but I'm not being treated like crap anymore either.

 

...she says... whilst also trying to rekindle an old flame... nobody said it would be easy

[Lovelybird]

Good idea, last poster.

 

Try to date someone who isn't your type, and give it time, time and time.

 

what is your type anyway?

[Cee]

I just posted on a thread with a similar issue. Seems like 30+ single women are posting on LS tonight.

 

I'm in the same boat. 40 and single and dated more guys in the past couple years than I care to count. I've encountered so much rejection that my main criteria for a guy is that he is into me and wants a relationship. I have some other criteria too, but I'm caring less and less about looks. And more and more about compatibility in values and worldview. And still I've come up empty handed.

 

To be honest, I've had it. I'm taking a break from dating for a few months and then I'll try again. Maybe. I'm using this time to do some self-reflection and see why I keep going to the "dry well."

 

I wish I had answers. Maybe you and I are meant to do bigger things. Since I'm single, I have the freedom to travel and explore my interests such as art. Maybe I'm supposed to do art rather than pursue guys.

 

Shrug. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. But you aren't alone.

[lovingone]

Thanks for your replies guys.

 

I used to call myself a geek magnet, but not all the guys I attract are even geeks. Some have been God awful, but some are just not my type.

 

It's kind of hard to put into words, but I know it when I see it. I like a boyishly handsome (though appropriate age for me) guy with dark hair and a nice smile. If you know the actor Milo Ventimiglia from "Heros", he's a huge crush of mine. But they guy could be practically any race. I like a nice guy, he can be a rebel free thinker bad boy but not someone that hurts or disapoints people or commits crimes.

 

Ultimately I'm not "hot" enough to get the guy I want and keep him.

 

I can identify with the poster that said her criteria right now is anyone that is interested in HER.

 

Ya that is kind of my strategy now because hey, I'm 36!

[jamesum]

I used to feel the same until one day I just suddenly realized that Im not an attractive person in the first place as I thought I was. Ever since now Im more realistic and Im more able to appreciate how most women are beautiful.

 

Maybe you need to experience the same thing, too.

[lovingone]

Thanks for your replies guys.

 

I used to call myself a geek magnet, but not all the guys I attract are even geeks. Some have been God awful, but some are just not my type.

 

It's kind of hard to put into words, but I know it when I see it. I like a boyishly handsome (though appropriate age for me) guy with dark hair and a nice smile. If you know the actor Milo Ventimiglia from "Heros", he's a huge crush of mine. But they guy could be practically any race. I like a nice guy, he can be a rebel free thinker bad boy but not someone that hurts or disapoints people or commits crimes.

 

Ultimately I'm not "hot" enough to get the guy I want and keep him.

 

I can identify with the poster that said her criteria right now is anyone that is interested in HER.

 

Ya that is kind of my strategy now because hey, I'm 36!

 

And I just want to say that I don't go around life comparing every guy I meet to some star. I see plenty of guys in my daily life I would like to date but they are never interested.

 

If there is a guy out there that I want nothing to do with, he will find me.

 

It's even been as bad as having a semi-relative hit on me. It was my aunts husbands nephew. So no blood relation and it was the first time he met me. But that's an example of how weird it has gotten.