Finally going NC (Keeping a log)

[Buccaneer55]

Well after two months I've decided it's time for me to go total NC on her.

 

It doesn't help me when I hear from her (usually every couple of days) and I sure don't want our at one time 5.5 year relationship to be watered down to a friendship. At the end of the day she's going to have to decide if she wants all of me or none of me.

 

I know most people say NC means not contacting your ex and waiting for them to contact you. Well that already happens in my situation! So I want to ask to just make sure, for me I don't need to respond to her attempts to contact me UNLESS it's about wanting to reconcile our relationship?

 

As I said in another thread I really have nothing to lose by going no contact with her. I've already lost the relationship that I truly want. By going no contact I either get it back or I don't (in which I'm in the same situation as now.) It's time for me to be man and to keep my word. I told her I didn't want just a friendship, and by always responding to her it makes me look weak, and it probably gives me no respect from her.

 

In the end I know I shouldn't be doing this to get her back, and honestly I'm not. I'm doing this to heal and move on. If she wants to get back together down the road, we're going to need to start fresh anyways, and this is best way for that.

 

I'll keep updating in this thread to track my progress

[Ajax]

I know most people say NC means not contacting your ex and waiting for them to contact you. Well that already happens in my situation! So I want to ask to just make sure, for me I don't need to respond to her attempts to contact me UNLESS it's about wanting to reconcile our relationship?

 

 

I don't know how that would work. I understand the theory behind it, but if you cut someone off and don't answer any of their calls/messages then how do they let you know thay want to reconcile? I seriously doubt anyone would leave you a voicemail or text putting themself on the line like that. I think they'd test the waters a little bit to see if you're receptive.

 

On the other hand, they might just keep testing those waters to see if they have you. Clearly thatsnot good for you either.

 

I don't know.

[Buccaneer55]

Sorry to say it, but if you've been broken up for two months, you've already been demoted to friend. It also sounds like she has already made her decision regarding how much of you she wants.

 

I would usually agree with this, BUT when we went through a hard time 3 years ago she was doing the same thing, and we got back together.

 

Either way it doesn't matter anymore. It's time for NC, and I'm not settling for a friendship. If it brings us back then great, but if it doesn't I'll find someone else eventually who wants to put 100% towards a relationship.

[Billie The Puppet]

Sorry to say it, but if you've been broken up for two months, you've already been demoted to friend. It also sounds like she has already made her decision regarding how much of you she wants.

 

The first time I used NC on my ex, after about ten weeks, she showed up on my doorstep crying about how she missed our friendship. If a person isn't willing to go so far as to leave a voicemail expressing their desires, then they dont want you back -- simple as that.

 

2 months = 8 weeks

8 weeks < 10 weeks

 

Mind you your case you said she missed the friendship, not the relationship.

 

Reconciliation or getting back together usually takes time apart, most successful ones are those greater than 6 months I think 2 are currently in the works by LS members in second chances forums, one of which is lullaby's story.

 

The ones that happen in a matter of weeks usually fail because the counter parts have not really had time to grow and nothing has changed.

 

Buc even though my words may sound encouraging don't use see them as hope. Use NC for yourself to not keep adding salt on your wounds like the LC has been doing to you for the last 2 months. NC is by no means used to get an ex back.

 

I hope the best for you, I have hit 3 weeks and the weekends still kill me and tommorrow is a potential run in for me. I don't think I will actually run into her at the game but it is entirely possible.

 

I do still want her back, and it has been 2 months for me too.

[benB]

Buccaneer our stories are similar, me and my ex had a break up 2 years ago that lasted about 2 months and she eventually came back to me but this time we have been broken up with my ex for a little over a month. But I only started full NC last week. She started to text or call every couple days. I made it about 6 days until I had a weak moment and started answering her. This week that continued, until today I realized how bad she treated me in the months leading up to our break up and how she has been treated me during this month or so. I told her what she has been doing is unforgivable in a long text today and she didn't even answer. Just shows how little I mean to her. I am going full NC starting today and not looking back. Goodluck man, we both will need it.

[Billie The Puppet]

Don't warn the ex's just dissapear I warned my ex. It ruins the effect but they will get it eventually. My NC is 20 days at the moment just under 3 weeks.

[Buccaneer55]

2 months = 8 weeks

8 weeks < 10 weeks

 

Mind you your case you said she missed the friendship, not the relationship.

 

Reconciliation or getting back together usually takes time apart, most successful ones are those greater than 6 months I think 2 are currently in the works by LS members in second chances forums, one of which is lullaby's story.

 

The ones that happen in a matter of weeks usually fail because the counter parts have not really had time to grow and nothing has changed.

 

Buc even though my words may sound encouraging don't use see them as hope. Use NC for yourself to not keep adding salt on your wounds like the LC has been doing to you for the last 2 months. NC is by no means used to get an ex back.

 

I hope the best for you, I have hit 3 weeks and the weekends still kill me and tommorrow is a potential run in for me. I don't think I will actually run into her at the game but it is entirely possible.

 

I do still want her back, and it has been 2 months for me too.

 

Billie I couldn't agree with you more, and I'm not using your words as hopes. I am doing this for me to heal, and not as a ploy to get her back.

 

If it brings us back then that'd be awesome, if it doesn't well I already lost her in the first place.

 

 

Buccaneer our stories are similar, me and my ex had a break up 2 years ago that lasted about 2 months and she eventually came back to me but this time we have been broken up with my ex for a little over a month. But I only started full NC last week. She started to text or call every couple days. I made it about 6 days until I had a weak moment and started answering her. This week that continued, until today I realized how bad she treated me in the months leading up to our break up and how she has been treated me during this month or so. I told her what she has been doing is unforgivable in a long text today and she didn't even answer. Just shows how little I mean to her. I am going full NC starting today and not looking back. Goodluck man, we both will need it.

 

Me and my ex haven't gone more than 5 days without contact and everytime she's the one to break it. Two weeks ago she contacted me 6 days in a row, and that's the stuff that has to stop until she's ready to commit.

 

Going NC is hard, and yes we will both need goodluck wishes on it. Unless they want to talk about reconciling, there isn't really anything else left for me to say at least. I want all or none of her, not a half-hearted friendship.

 

Don't warn the ex's just dissapear I warned my ex. It ruins the effect but they will get it eventually. My NC is 20 days at the moment just under 3 weeks.

 

I didn't warn this time, I have in the past 2 months kind of said I can't be just your friend, but I never said that's it I'm disappearing. She called me late Wednesday night and I answered.

 

After that I decided no more. She texted me once yesterday, and I didn't respond, no attempts today, so I'm officially on 2 days of NC

[Buccaneer55]

Newest update here. On to day 4 of NC. The last time I actually talked to her was late Wednesday night. Since then she's texted me once Thursday, once Saturday, and now today she tried to call me.

 

I haven't responded to her texts and I didn't pick up the phone when she called (she didn't leave a voicemail). My question is, do I call her back in 2 to 3 days talking about how busy I've been and keep it short, or do I just not call her back at all?

 

It's only day 4 since I decided I wanted to do NC until she wanted to actually try to reconcile our relationship. When I decided to go NC I didn't tell her, I just stopped talking to her. I'm not going to settle for anything less than her putting forth 100% towards us. I refuse to be demoted to just a friend, and if that means I lose her forever then fine, it's better than pretending to be her friend if she starts dating.

 

I still want to get back together eventually, but I don't want to be around for anything less than that. I want her to know it's all of me or none of me.

[benB]

Don't answer her bro, if she really wants you back she will call or text more than once a day. Stay strong and don't fall for her games.

[Buccaneer55]

Struggling some this week. As much as I want to get back together with her and salvage our relationship, lately I've just been missing my best friend

 

We were more than a couple, she was my best friend for the last 5.5 years, and I just miss everything.

[Billie The Puppet]

Struggling some this week. As much as I want to get back together with her and salvage our relationship, lately I've just been missing my best friend

 

We were more than a couple, she was my best friend for the last 5.5 years, and I just miss everything.

 

I lost my best friend too, your relationship was longer though so you have more invested but I know how it feels. I still want my ex back and it`s been 2 whole months and 1 month of neither of us talking. I am supposed to hang out with her sister again sometime after thanksgiving (Canadian thanksgiving so a few weeks)

As her family as a package I had sent to them to save on shipping (US) and they are coming up for TG . Her family all have said they hope we end up back together as I brought the good out in my ex and they like me as I did nothing wrong. My ex gave me all the cliché lines of breaking up so I believe she genuinely fell out of love or is confused. I asked her a lot while in limited contact but I believe they won`t ever tell us the truth anyways.

 

Hang in there you`ll be proud when you hit a week, week 3 was my hardest and now I am on week 5. Today has been hard but that is because it is a weekend.

[benB]

I feel the same way, it is her birthday weekend and I know she is having fun with new guys while I am still sad about her. This weekend is going to be rough for me

[Buccaneer55]

I'm starting to think she is just trying to keep me there as her fall back guy.

 

Whenever I tried to be nice to her, she didn't want anything to do with me or would ignore whatever nice thing i did in general. Whenever I don't respond to her calls or texts for a few days, she starts to get mad, and a week ago she even went to church to say that I'm still the same person, because I was ignoring her, and that I'm not "changing" towards her.

 

It's frustrating because I know she's hanging out with another guy. So the only thing that makes sense is if they don't work out, she's gonna try to come back to me and I hate it. Otherwise there is no point in her trying to reach out to me every few days.

 

It's like her way of saying if you ignore me, then I was right to break-up with you. She just texts or calls whenever she pleases, and it's never to hang out or to reconcile. Literally sometimes I just get a text from her that says "Hope you had a good week", but she doesn't ever stop and then when I don't respond they get more frequent.

 

The sad thing is I still think I'd take her back even knowing this, but I hope over some more time that'll change as I become stronger against how she's treating me.

[benB]

You just have to forget about her, why would you want someone who is already dating other guys? I am pretty sure my ex is involved with someone else now so f her. This past weekend was her birthday and I did not say a word to her. She sent me a BS text saying all she wants to do is cuddle with someone she loves but she cant do it and that she is alone but its crap. We have been NC for almost 2 weeks now and thats the first thing she said to me. I am moving on and it is already getting easier. I have built up so much hate for her that I would never talk to her even if she did try to get me back. Good luck man. How long have you been NC?

[Billie The Puppet]

The sad thing is I still think I'd take her back even knowing this, but I hope over some more time that'll change as I become stronger against how she's treating me.

 

I would too given the same situation. I mean I was fully ready to propose to my ex and my ex knew it too as we discussed it during a "break" it kills me she took me back knowing I wanted the whole deal of a future together in which she said her answer would be yes and now we are broken up completely.

 

It kills me that I can still have so much love for her that even though she put me through the above I would take her back.

 

It really is lose-lose for us if we are put in the fall-back guy position.

 

NC causes us to lose them but face it we already have they broke up with us, LC kills us because we are always wanting more and if it's anything like mine they only want to contact when they feel like it making them slef centred and the moment we bring up the relationship its back to anger of can't we just be friends? etc

 

I honestly wish we could play with time I'd fast forward it until I am over her or rewind it and try to fix things.

 

4.5 weeks of NC and some days I still feel like she broke up with me an hour ago.

[Buccaneer55]

I would too given the same situation. I mean I was fully ready to propose to my ex and my ex knew it too as we discussed it during a "break" it kills me she took me back knowing I wanted the whole deal of a future together in which she said her answer would be yes and now we are broken up completely.

 

It kills me that I can still have so much love for her that even though she put me through the above I would take her back.

 

It really is lose-lose for us if we are put in the fall-back guy position.

 

NC causes us to lose them but face it we already have they broke up with us, LC kills us because we are always wanting more and if it's anything like mine they only want to contact when they feel like it making them slef centred and the moment we bring up the relationship its back to anger of can't we just be friends? etc

 

I honestly wish we could play with time I'd fast forward it until I am over her or rewind it and try to fix things.

 

4.5 weeks of NC and some days I still feel like she broke up with me an hour ago.

 

 

It kills me too to think that even though she's done all of this, I'd be willing to forget it just like that to rekindle the relationship.

 

One of my biggest struggles, is MOST of my friends and family that are aware of what's going on, believe she'll try to come back as soon as whatever is going on with the other guy diminishes. So it gets my hopes up, but at the same time makes me feel like an idiot for even considering taking her back, if I'm just a fall back guy.

 

I too wish I could fast forward time and just forget about it all, but honestly each day gets a little better. I've taken up running, and I'm now up to 4 miles a day. I'm also going to be joining the gym in the next few weeks.

 

The point I'm trying to get too, is IF she tries to come back, I am at a point to where I can think about it with a level head, and not just take her back immediately based off emotions.

 

The last thing I want is to get back together and it not work out, so I want to make sure the problems of the past are gone, and again that's only IF she tries, I have no clue if she will or not.

[Buccaneer55]

So it had been almost a week since she had last tried to text me, when she texted me again today.

 

This comes after a few days ago she commented on my facebook status. I have her hidden so I don't see her update or page, but she can still see mine. She comments on almost every status update that I make.

 

She also sent me two more forward type e-mails from her job this week.

 

I just find it strange why she tries to reach out to me in different ways.

 

Is it like her way of trying to keep me there and her not completely letting go?

 

I have seem to come down from my emotional roller coaster from this break-up, and I feel a lot better in the last two weeks. I would just like to know why she does this stuff.

[Billie The Puppet]

Well Buc you've done LC before by responding to these texts, emails etc

 

My ex did the once a week thing and I called her out on it and since then NC has gone for 5 weeks mutually (On 6th week today)

 

I can't say why she contacts you, other than she wants to check in etc keep you on the backburner etc. You must know it is not that she wants you back though because face it I want you back will be her going out of her way to do so. It won't be through text or IM.

[Buccaneer55]

Well Buc you've done LC before by responding to these texts, emails etc

 

My ex did the once a week thing and I called her out on it and since then NC has gone for 5 weeks mutually (On 6th week today)

 

I can't say why she contacts you, other than she wants to check in etc keep you on the backburner etc. You must know it is not that she wants you back though because face it I want you back will be her going out of her way to do so. It won't be through text or IM.

 

I know I've tried the LC before but right now I'm in a different place. This doesn't bother me as much as it once did. I still don't want to spend time with her though unless it was trying to date again.

 

I hope it's not the backburner 2nd option type thing but I think it may be. I know a lot of people preach time is the best healer, and it has been.

 

My main thought process lately has been why does she still do this, not how can I get her back fast. It's just more of a confusion type thing, than an emotional hurt thing.

[Billie The Puppet]

I know I've tried the LC before but right now I'm in a different place. This doesn't bother me as much as it once did. I still don't want to spend time with her though unless it was trying to date again.

 

I hope it's not the backburner 2nd option type thing but I think it may be. I know a lot of people preach time is the best healer, and it has been.

 

My main thought process lately has been why does she still do this, not how can I get her back fast. It's just more of a confusion type thing, than an emotional hurt thing.

 

Won't lie I actually want my ex to contact me even if it's just to say hi, I don't want to reply to it though it's just to see if she sort still cares. Its thanksgiving for us Canadians this weekend and my mother says I should send a email. I'm not I can't break the NC thing I can't set myself back, I want to know that she still has some sort of care but really I won't settle for caring unless it's a relationship so NC is best though I miss her greatly. I don't think my situation is unique in fact I think it is cookie cutter.

 

Action > Words > Text reason why words are greter than text is because a voice is heard and it is more personal.

 

If she didn't want to place you on a back burner her actions would be to leave you alone or genuinely want to reconcile. It seems like you are entering a moment of weakness.

[jeff2321]

In my case, my ex said she is now the happiest she has even been ( her referring to the last month of being broken up with me and living on her own ) then she was being with me for two years.

 

My ex hasn't contact me and probably never will again because apparently she was just living a horrible existence with me for two years... but yet she would text me everyday during the relationship and tell me she loved me and we would have some amazing times together.

 

My ex went and got this giant tattoo on the side of her arm that goes all the way up her neck and it really does look horrible. She did this after she had moved out... I'm almost willing to bet that the two years we were together, she was not even being herself but being someone that she thought I was looking for.

 

Now that she's free she's doing all the wild things that she felt she couldn't do in a relationship with me.

 

Jeff

[Jane Doe]

It seems to me that you're basing everything on what she does, thinks, says, feels, etc. It's time to stand up for YOU and what's best for you. If she's hanging out with other guys and only calling or texting every few days or weeks, that shows where her heart is. Go by what she does, not by what she says. Actions always reveal the truth.

 

My advice to you is to keep up the NC and not respond to anything. You need time to heal from this and to realize you're much more than someone's toy to play with.

[Buccaneer55]

Won't lie I actually want my ex to contact me even if it's just to say hi, I don't want to reply to it though it's just to see if she sort still cares. Its thanksgiving for us Canadians this weekend and my mother says I should send a email. I'm not I can't break the NC thing I can't set myself back, I want to know that she still has some sort of care but really I won't settle for caring unless it's a relationship so NC is best though I miss her greatly. I don't think my situation is unique in fact I think it is cookie cutter.

 

Action > Words > Text reason why words are greter than text is because a voice is heard and it is more personal.

 

If she didn't want to place you on a back burner her actions would be to leave you alone or genuinely want to reconcile. It seems like you are entering a moment of weakness.

 

Billie thanks again for a reply, I know it has been hard for both of us through our situations.

 

If you're not ready to send the e-mail then don't, only when you feel like you're ready to contact her and could handle a response or no response from her should you contact her.

 

See I think her reaching out to me even just a couple of times a week makes me think but not sure that she still cares about me, but I'm like you unless its about a relationship, then to me it's pointless.

 

Could you clarify why you think I'm entering a moment of weakness? I haven't been contacting her, and I've actually been doing a lot better. I don't get emotional thinking about our situation, I just try to think about it logically.

 

In my case, my ex said she is now the happiest she has even been ( her referring to the last month of being broken up with me and living on her own ) then she was being with me for two years.

 

My ex hasn't contact me and probably never will again because apparently she was just living a horrible existence with me for two years... but yet she would text me everyday during the relationship and tell me she loved me and we would have some amazing times together.

 

My ex went and got this giant tattoo on the side of her arm that goes all the way up her neck and it really does look horrible. She did this after she had moved out... I'm almost willing to bet that the two years we were together, she was not even being herself but being someone that she thought I was looking for.

 

Now that she's free she's doing all the wild things that she felt she couldn't do in a relationship with me.

 

Jeff

 

Jeff, sorry to hear about your situation with your ex.

 

I don't know if it's that she pretended to be someone she wasn't with you or not. I tend to think that after a break-up the other person usually does the exact opposite of what they use to do in the relationship. It's not necessarily because that's who they really are, but it's there way of breaking away.

 

Usually if the ex moves on and dates someone else, it's someone who is completely the opposite of the previous relationship, and it's why it doesn't usually work out.

 

It seems to me that you're basing everything on what she does, thinks, says, feels, etc. It's time to stand up for YOU and what's best for you. If she's hanging out with other guys and only calling or texting every few days or weeks, that shows where her heart is. Go by what she does, not by what she says. Actions always reveal the truth.

 

My advice to you is to keep up the NC and not respond to anything. You need time to heal from this and to realize you're much more than someone's toy to play with.

 

I have been standing up for me a lot more lately. It's just more of trying to figure out why she does what she does. It really is more of a logical thinking now, and not an emotional based thinking.

 

I actually have been healing from the situation, and 2 months ago I never thought I would feel better about it, but time really has been a great healer of all of this. I feel good about myself, I've been running 4 miles 4 days a week, and I know that I've got a lot to offer someone. 2 months ago I was feeling the complete opposite.

[Billie The Puppet]

For us dumpees to want to break NC is a moment of weakness, I'm stuggling today because I really want to phone her just to hear her voice etc but emotionally I'm not ready. Some days I'm in a better place others I just get set back. I'm not sending an email etc if communication is going to ever start again I want it to be on the phone or in person. None of these depersonalized stuff.

[Cuchara2]

Hey I read that she might be with other men. After a long relationship if women don't get wiht someone for the first 2 weeks, usually they'll just not get with anyone for a while (first had experience and happened with friends too). They actually legitly want to be single and not worry about other people for a while. Just to show you that not all women are whores

 

Good luck with NC btw broski, seems like you're doing pretty well. I don't know how long my NC has been now, just about 2 weeks but i've been LC for about 2 months (we were on a break before the break up) and I don't really care any more, although I can see signs she's regretting her choice - I'll see how it plays out

 

Best of luck to you - remember it's not the end of the world