Maverick1983 Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 Hi I posted here before as I broke up with my gf of 8 years a few months back. Just a quick summary: we planned on buying a house,we moved out of our apt and in with her mother.We decided a few weeks later it wasn't working and we finished.I asked her back she said no and after that we ended up sleeping together once and we hung out as friends a few times. My problem now is I asked her back again with an ultimatum and to be honest she has just gone completely off the rails.She went off and got a tattoo, 6 piercings and is parting all the time.She has been given out to at work because of her facial piercings.She is so pretty and that's what I don't get why would she go nuts like that? I have gone off and had a laugh too but you don't see me being that dramatic.Is it a cry for help or what?I wish I was shallow enough to just walk away and know what's good for me but I'm worried about her as I really think in time she will have a breakdown.I can say this because I've known her 8 years and I never saw this side in her but I also never questioned anything she did.Ladies especially,why is she acting like this(so out of character)?
YellowShark Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 ...why is she acting like this(so out of character)? If you've known her for 8 years I would say you are a pretty good judge of what she is like. I would say if she has suddenly gotten a tattoo, 6 piercings and is parting all the time she is having some sort of mental issue since these things are so out-of-character for her. I am no doctor but she may be bipolar, and is in a manic phase which is causing her to do things she normally would not do. Like move in with you and a few weeks later end it all... and then go get a tattoo, 6 piercings and parting all the time which is not her usual nature. That's my uneducated guess. If you still love her ask her to go be tested for Bipolar disorder - (but I'm almost sure she'll resist) - that's all you can do.
ShannonMI Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 Hi I posted here before as I broke up with my gf of 8 years a few months back. Just a quick summary: we planned on buying a house,we moved out of our apt and in with her mother.We decided a few weeks later it wasn't working and we finished.I asked her back she said no and after that we ended up sleeping together once and we hung out as friends a few times. My problem now is I asked her back again with an ultimatum and to be honest she has just gone completely off the rails.She went off and got a tattoo, 6 piercings and is parting all the time.She has been given out to at work because of her facial piercings.She is so pretty and that's what I don't get why would she go nuts like that? I have gone off and had a laugh too but you don't see me being that dramatic.Is it a cry for help or what?I wish I was shallow enough to just walk away and know what's good for me but I'm worried about her as I really think in time she will have a breakdown.I can say this because I've known her 8 years and I never saw this side in her but I also never questioned anything she did.Ladies especially,why is she acting like this(so out of character)? Maybe considering you were together for 8 years she didn't get to experience that crazy, party, college type life. You are both young, right? I'm just guessing here. That's how it is with my ex of 8 years. We started dating when he was 19. We were together 8 years and now that we are broken up, he's living the college life again. Or I guess, living the college life he missed out on. He's dating a young college girl (who he cheated on me with), drinking a lot, hanging with a shady crowd blah blah blah. I've come to realize he's living those crazy years that he missed out on because we were in a committed relationship for so long. He's going through a quarter life crisis or something. This is what's going on with your ex. She's going buckwild because you were together so long and she couldn't do all this crazy sh*t. Partying, getting tattoos, piercings, etc. etc. Shes making up for lost time. I don't know if this is actually the case, that's just my guess.
Lemontang Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 So many reasons as to why people do this. Sometimes people just feel trapped and explode trying new things when the shackles are off. I kind of did the same thing (not really that extreme). I came out of an abusive relationship and just let loose. Sold an engagement ring, brought a motorbike with it and went all easy rider (now to know me I've always been a white collar pen pusher, conservative, cried as a kid when I got dirt under my fingernails, softie, too nice for my own good). Needless to say my friends were like "WTF?", who are you? But don't call her mental we all cope differently with change and separation. Some just do it better than others. For all you know one day the switch will flick back and she'll be all "WTF did I do that for to myself?" But only she'll be able to realise this in her time, you can't do that for her or force it.
Ajax Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 He's going through a quarter life crisis or something. This is what's going on with your ex. Shes making up for lost time. I don't know if this is actually the case, that's just my guess. That's what I was thinking too. Not that that helps make you feel any better about it. I went through a bit of a quarter life crisis myself a couple years ago, but rather than go off and relive my college years, I started to "grow up." My ex has apparently been going through changes too, which might be attributed to a quarter life crisis or possibly a mental disorder (she has depression. I hope she decides what she wants for her future and that I'm a part of it, but I'm not counting on it. I think you should work on yourself a bit. 8 years is a long relationship and maybe your ex feels like she knows everything about you, so reinvent and improve yourself. Maybe someday she'll come around and see that by leaving she missed something. If not, you'll be better for yourself and for a future partner. Good luck to you!
generator456 Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 So many reasons as to why people do this. Sometimes people just feel trapped and explode trying new things when the shackles are off. I kind of did the same thing (not really that extreme). I came out of an abusive relationship and just let loose. Sold an engagement ring, brought a motorbike with it and went all easy rider (now to know me I've always been a white collar pen pusher, conservative, cried as a kid when I got dirt under my fingernails, softie, too nice for my own good). Needless to say my friends were like "WTF?", who are you? But don't call her mental we all cope differently with change and separation. Some just do it better than others. For all you know one day the switch will flick back and she'll be all "WTF did I do that for to myself?" But only she'll be able to realise this in her time, you can't do that for her or force it. Ya, Women are insane. It can be as simple as that. You can figure out patterns to their insanity and actions they will take. But I do not think you can understand it. Look at the feminist movement. Hey, I get it, women are as good as men and should be paid equally. (I actually think women are smarter than men on average). But there is insanity in it too. Demand to be equal but then demand to be treated special. Men pay for dinners, open doors... all the gentleman stuff. Now I do all that because if you treat her as a total equal, you will alienate a lot of girls (not all). But face it, demanding one thing and expecting another, is not that insanity?
Author Maverick1983 Posted September 24, 2010 Author Posted September 24, 2010 Thanks everybody for the advice.I agree with the general consensus too.The only thing is that we always done our thing.She got a tattoo before and I didn't flinch because it's her choice not mine.I never told her she couldn't do anything I'm not possessive at all.I have 2 tattoos myself but I'm conservative and always look after my appearance and so did she til now. I think she is depressed and going through her own issues, family stuff mainly.I was always there for her and I suppose now I'm not,but I'm worried about her and I want to be there for her but I risk hurting myself if she rejects a reunion. Is it time for me to finally move on because I was doing so well until I noticed all of this.I've got plenty of attention from women,i got my 6 pack back and I'm playing really well for my new football club, yet I still long to be her confidant again and I loved taking care of her.
Ajax Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 I'm worried about her and I want to be there for her but I risk hurting myself if she rejects a reunion. QUOTE] I know you want to be there for her, but if she'd wanted you there for her she wouldn't have left. It's a tough situation when the person you love doesn't want your help. But you can't be her security blanket. If she wants to be free, giver her a **** load of freedom. Maybe she'll come back, maybe she won't. Just prepare yourself in case she comes back and you don't recognize her.
Author Maverick1983 Posted September 24, 2010 Author Posted September 24, 2010 I'm worried about her and I want to be there for her but I risk hurting myself if she rejects a reunion. QUOTE] I know you want to be there for her, but if she'd wanted you there for her she wouldn't have left. It's a tough situation when the person you love doesn't want your help. But you can't be her security blanket. If she wants to be free, giver her a **** load of freedom. Maybe she'll come back, maybe she won't. Just prepare yourself in case she comes back and you don't recognize her. To be honest the break up was nearly 60-40 % my doing and I've been trying to make it up to her by showing her how much I care.All those years we had I never once cheated on her and I always helped her.I suppose I'm sad that I'm no longer that person who does that and now she's on her own.
generator456 Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Women look deeper. For us this is a great thing. I am a 6. On my very best days a 7. Sometimes I could be a 5. But I never date anything but 7-10. Why is this? Partially because I am a superficial jerk. Hey, I know it. But women don't think that way. Not that it doesn't matter at all but they are really looking for things other than looks. This is good for us. If you have the proper attitude and learn some tricks you can get a lot of women. 2's dating 10's might be tough, but 2's dating 6's or 5's dating 10's is very possible.
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