ls31602 Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 Hi...I'm new here. I was in a relationship for 5 years, married then to this man for almost 4 more years. We had two children together and divorced in September 2007 when the youngest was just one. He is an alcoholic sociopath and has done nothing but mentally and emotionally abuse me. His moods were intolerable, and life was a roller coaster. I've had guns pointed at me, called my parents begging for help, said goodbye to them because I thought he would kill me. It was a nightmare. Then one night while we were separated, he beat my oldest child. I filed for divorce the next day. The court issued me full legal and physical custody, and we agreed to supervised visits. Since then, his parental rights have been terminated. I don't want to go into specifics as to why, but they were. I haven't seen him or spoken to him in over 2 years, and neither have my children. In July 2008, I met an amazing man. We were married that year, and he's absolutely wonderful. My children adore him...they call him daddy. He wants to adopt them. We get along great and rarely fight. Sex is 2-3 times a week. I'm incredibly attracted to him and wish it was everyday! We have so much fun together, spend the majority of our time together. Life is truly great. So here's my problem. I'm terrified that he's cheating. I have absolutely NO reason to think that. He is honest, accountable, has never given me any reason to believe that he would leave me. But I'm terrified he will. I KNOW these issues come from my previous relationship...it absolutely destroyed my ability to trust. But I also know that I HAVE to be able to do that, or I'm going to sabotage my marriage. I read his emails, texts, everything. Nothing is going on I don't know about. I don't want to spend the next 40 years of my life checking in on him. I've talked to him about how I feel, and he's compassionate and understanding. How do I move past this? I've been in therapy on and off since 2007, and there's really nothing new my therapist can say that I haven't already heard. Does anyone have any advice for me?
kuma Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 So here's my problem. I'm terrified that he's cheating. I have absolutely NO reason to think that. He is honest, accountable, has never given me any reason to believe that he would leave me. But I'm terrified he will. I KNOW these issues come from my previous relationship...it absolutely destroyed my ability to trust. But I also know that I HAVE to be able to do that, or I'm going to sabotage my marriage. I read his emails, texts, everything. Nothing is going on I don't know about. I don't want to spend the next 40 years of my life checking in on him. I've talked to him about how I feel, and he's compassionate and understanding. How do I move past this? I've been in therapy on and off since 2007, and there's really nothing new my therapist can say that I haven't already heard. Does anyone have any advice for me? ls, all married men don't cheat. You have to stop checking his emails and phones. You have to stop obsessing over what might happen. You have to start letting go of your past. You have a new life. Enjoy it.
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