catherinehaddad Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 i have been maried for 16 years . i have 3 children . my husband was amotionally abusing since long time aago . he always treatedme with irrespect . after i got the first child getting divorced was hard to me ., i feel that i have to stay with him for the sake of my childrenn sometimes i feel that if i divorce him i would be selfish cause they will be sad about it ... is it right to stay with him for the ske of my kids ? please help i amconfused. he is not good father for the children . imean many times he promise them many things and do nothing for them . he dont know how to listen and communicate with a child he knows ony to yell . he is careless . he never askas about theischools how they are doing in school sometimes it passes days and he dont talk with them .. he left me alone any times when i needed him .. he left me and travel when i delivered my twins . and recentlyi found that he is bisexul , he is always intesredt in watching gays image on websites, he have suspsion calls always . always talk about gays always . suspisious emails always . even sex we havent made sex since 1 month . and he never say aword about it .. never .
heartbrokensj Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 I don't think anyone should ever stay in a marriage for the sake of the kids. You are already mentioned so many reasons not to stay and staying for the your children will further expose them to the unhealthy ways he continues to treat you and your family. This is obviously not a good example to your children. I am sorry for all you have been through. The fact that you suspect he is bi-sexual or possibly contemplating coming out the closet as a gay man is one whole issue in and of itself to not continue on this way. The abusive nature toward you is also huge issue that you should no longer tolerate or put up with. I hope you find the strength to do what is right for you and your family.
carhill Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 OP, welcome to LS Firstly, is English your second language and from what culture do you come? Also, is your marriage a cross-cultural marriage? Such understandings help with advice tailored to your unique circumstances. Superficially, I might say to divorce him tomorrow, but there's probably a lot more to things than offered so far. I would suggest building a support network of family and friends if not already done. They can be immensely helpful, no matter what decision you ultimately make. Best wishes
Author catherinehaddad Posted September 24, 2010 Author Posted September 24, 2010 yes mr carhill i comefrom a middle eastern culture ,enlgish is my second language ,myhusband is from same culture , ..
GorillaTheater Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 yes mr carhill i comefrom a middle eastern culture ,enlgish is my second language ,myhusband is from same culture , .. Assuming that divorce is more difficult to obtain in your country than in the US (at least, for a woman perhaps), have you consulted with an attorney to figure out what steps you'll need to take? Or are you considering leaving without getting a divorce?
carhill Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 Thanks for that. In your culture, is the woman's role in the family rigidly enforced? In other words, if you were to part with your husband, would this adversely affect your role and position in society and, if so, how important is that dynamic to you as a woman and as a mother? As an example, amongst your family and friends, how many divorced single mothers are there? How has that worked for them, wrt their continuing as a healthy member of society? If there are members who have experienced this path, perhaps now would be a good time to connect with them and get their insight and opinion. In my culture, divorce is easy and doesn't really affect women negatively in the social/societal sense. For example, I was my ex'es third ex-husband and she still thrives and has a healthy business and personal relationships. How is that similar to or different from your society? Is your marriage arranged or is it a love marriage?
The-Zen-Warrior Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 I hate to inject what might possibly be bad news here, but divorce in "Middle Eastern" countries, in the few that I have visited during my travels abroad, is almost next to impossible. I have visited Lebanon, Saudi Arabia and Libya, all three of those places, the man is solely in control. If the man isn't willing to allow a divorce, mainly in the three places I visited, there will be no divorce. I had a bone to pick with a lot of people who brought this information to my attention when at some of those places, they told me the "men hold all the cards" and when I brought up my American ways of doing things, namely in regards to marriage, they would tell me that my American ways were "weak", you are "weak" and "cowards" to let your women do what they want. You are weak for allowing your women to drive, vote, go to shopping malls and separate and divorce their men. Which in Saudi Arabia, women by law are not allowed to drive, if the womans family can not afford a "private driver", than the woman goes no where. In Libya women are not only not allowed to not drive, but by law can not vote. Lebanon was the only place I visited that was almost in-line with the Untied States. So catherinehaddad could be walking a very fine line here! For if these things she speaks of are happening in the places I visited, or places in that region, she does not want to bring "shame" upon her and her side of the family. But if what she speaks of is happening in the Untied States, this would make it more easy, without the fear of bringing "shame", very similar as the Japanese think about "dishonor", to her family. catherinehaddad, I would love to give you some advise here, but not knowing from which Country your in, makes it hard for me. I don't want to advise you to do something that would bring more than shame on you, and you know what I'm talking about here! We don't need for anything to happen to you! So if you could, and you feel comfortable enough to do so, please tell us here on L.S. of for just myself, which Country are you in? People, this is no joke, I'm holding off giving advise and or help until this question is answered! Because after the answer is given, I can therefore do some research on their culture and ways of that Country and offer up advise and or help that is in-line with their ways.
Author catherinehaddad Posted October 8, 2010 Author Posted October 8, 2010 dea all i left hometookmy 3 kids and wenttomy fathers house i am from saudi arabia .we live in a societywheree men dominates evertyhimg ,thelaw here is forthemen favor ,the law here states that whateverthe problemis the father shouldtake the kids .i cant doanything . he is refusing to divorce me . now myfirst child myson 16 years old dont want toseemee , he went tohisfather .i misss him soo much . he dont want to come to see me . hisfather istelling him bad things about me . he isusing his son a a pressuretool so i return tohim. and my son repeas the bad things hi father tells about me . i never talked about himi9nfront of the children while he do the opossite .my son icantbeleive why he is doing this .isacrified everythingfor himbut he dont want even to talk with me and i feel his father is forcing him to not talk to me.. what should i do ??? please help how i stopphis father fromusing him as a tool forpressure and harming him?
denise_xo Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 dea all i left hometookmy 3 kids and wenttomy fathers house i am from saudi arabia .we live in a societywheree men dominates evertyhimg ,thelaw here is forthemen favor ,the law here states that whateverthe problemis the father shouldtake the kids .i cant doanything . he is refusing to divorce me . now myfirst child myson 16 years old dont want toseemee , he went tohisfather .i misss him soo much . he dont want to come to see me . hisfather istelling him bad things about me . he isusing his son a a pressuretool so i return tohim. and my son repeas the bad things hi father tells about me . i never talked about himi9nfront of the children while he do the opossite .my son icantbeleive why he is doing this .isacrified everythingfor himbut he dont want even to talk with me and i feel his father is forcing him to not talk to me.. what should i do ??? please help how i stopphis father fromusing him as a tool forpressure and harming him? I'm sorry, Catherine. I think it's a bit difficult for most of us here to give good advice on this as we're speaking from another part of the world. My two cents would be - find out on what grounds you can claim divorce under Wahhabi jurisprudence, and if there are any exceptions at all to the father taking custody (e.g. bisexuality/ father watching photos of gay men on the internet - have you secured proof of this?) - mobilize your entire family to support you, especially your father, uncles and brothers - if Catherine Haddad is your real name, change your screen name... ... best of luck to you.
denise_xo Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 and recentlyi found that he is bisexul , he is always intesredt in watching gays image on websites, he have suspsion calls always . always talk about gays always . suspisious emails always . even sex we havent made sex since 1 month . and he never say aword about it .. never . Bisexuality and no sex in a marriage would be grounds for divorce in a lot of Arab countries. Use this for what it's worth, either legally or in terms of reputation/ honour.
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