Hersheys Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 I'm the dumpee and I'm going through the most difficult breakup I had. I've been through relationships (some bad, some good) but this breakup I had in March is by far the one I can't seem to come to grips with. When I'm thinking, which is every minute of everyday, why do I only remember the good times my ex and I shared together? There were times when we fought and argued a lot that made me rethink the relationship AT THAT TIME but why are the bad memories and hurt feelings I had back then all gone now? Even my ex's negative qualities, I seem to have forgotten now and all I think about now are his endearing qualities? Why is it that even the bad moments, memories seem good now? I used to be good at dealing with breakups but this time why is it that the rationality and common sense I used to have are all gone now?
Cee Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 When I've been dumped, the memory that I replay is the break up. Over and over. It helps me.
Author Hersheys Posted September 24, 2010 Author Posted September 24, 2010 Hi Cee, the way he broke up with me was brutal. It was sudden on my part but thinking about it now it's clear that it was already a well-thought out plan he made long time ago. Yes I think about the day he broke up with me often and I can't help but get mad, feel hurt all over again but thinking about the days leading up to his breakup and after, I feel nothing but regret over the way I handled things. I don't know why I'm too wrapped up in thought, regret over this breakup. I just want the pain to lessen it's been so long already. I can't seem to escape the thinking. The thought of the relationship being over is all too real, I still can't handle it.
LostInTurn Posted September 25, 2010 Posted September 25, 2010 I'd say this is because the relationship has ended. The same happened with me. I couldn't see the bad, even though there was bad. I was unhappy for months prior to the break, but I lost complete sight of this the moment the relationship ended. It was like I hit a wall and everything became a wind storm of good memories, only. Friends and family, day in and day out, would try and remind me of the bad and how unhappy I was for months. I couldn't see it for the longest time. I put the guilt and trouble on myself. You need to remind yourself daily of the negatives of the reltionship. Make a list and post it somewhere you will see it often throughout the day. Perhaps the bathroom mirror, tape it there. You will eventually know these things again, and won't need the reminder. It's easy to remember the good. It takes much more energy to remember the bad things. Typically, we do not have the energy to focus on these aspects because all we know is it's all gone now. We grasp at straws and want the good back, when in reality, the good may not have been as great as we remember. Speaking from experience, the good wasn't how I remembered it when the relationship ended. Looking back, it wasn't good for a very long time and my unhappiness was warranted. What you're going through is normal. You're not alone. It will pass.
Author Hersheys Posted September 26, 2010 Author Posted September 26, 2010 Hi LostInTurn, I think I am just going through a tough time right now. I am mad at myself for not having the energy and motivation to improve my situation. It's like whatever I do and wherever I go reminds me of the times when I was strong and wise enough to deal with bad or good situation I am in. I feel like I am going backwards in terms of how I deal with my emotional issues. I should have moved on in some way by now but I am not. I feel like there's a lot of guilt, regret with how I handled things in the past and there's no other chance for me to make good all the mistakes I made.
LostInTurn Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 Hi LostInTurn, I think I am just going through a tough time right now. I am mad at myself for not having the energy and motivation to improve my situation. It's like whatever I do and wherever I go reminds me of the times when I was strong and wise enough to deal with bad or good situation I am in. I feel like I am going backwards in terms of how I deal with my emotional issues. I should have moved on in some way by now but I am not. I feel like there's a lot of guilt, regret with how I handled things in the past and there's no other chance for me to make good all the mistakes I made. I think, sometimes we have to go backwards before we can move forward. I also think what you're feeling is completely normal. It's normal to think you should be at a point in the healing process and not be there yet, or realize you are there. We always want to be out of the dark and back to happiness. That's normal human reaction. As for the guilt and regret. I can tell you, from experience, I had so much guilt and regret I couldn't manage it. My ex let me believe it was all me. It wasn't. You cannot change things that happened (for the most part) You need to let them be because they happened and move on from them. Many of us may say we would go back and change certain things, but they happened. I cannot change certain aspects, and quite honestly, I think I'm past the point of hoping I could. You may look at your actions and be much harder on yourself than you should be. That's typical human reaction as well. You can analyze and criticize yourself to no end, but what will that do? Do others think you're being too hard on yourself? Give yourself a break and cut yourself some slack. As for not having the motivation to fix your situation, that will happen in time. You need to allow yourself to though before it will happen.
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