Simone84 Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 My long-distance boyfriend of 1.5 years has been acting unusual in the last week or so. We've always texted regularly every night during the last year but something's changed since last week. Normally he always texts me first after work to ask about my day and we text throughout the night... Since last week, and for the first time ever, when i texted him i didn't get a reply for the entire night until the next morning when he said he "left his work at work" that night. This has never ever happened before in the last year. A few days later the exact same thing happened, only this time the next morning he said he'd "crashed out early because he'd been really tired" (i had texted around 8.30pm... Again, this has never happened, now it's twice in one week. Similar thing happened again last night where he'd quckly checked in and checked out with me in a text after work to ask how my day was and to tell me he was going out to for food and drinks. I texted him later on around 9.30 to ask how his night was - and i never got a reply. It's the next day lunchtime now and i still haven't heard from him. This is really unsual, it seems to me like he is all of a sudden not available to text or talk after after a certain time (around 7pm) anymore which makes me wonder why. As i said, we ALWAYS talk every night except in the last week. He is also usually the one to text me first. I am beginning to think he has met someone new. Am i being paranoid or does this sound like he is quickly checking in and out with me after work, so that he doesn't have to hear from me again later on in the night because he is with someone else? (Which may explain why he never replied to me the times that i texted him) Would love to hear your thoughts...
Angel1111 Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 That's exactly what I would think because his behavior is abnormal, and because if he had really just decided to 'crash' early, under normal circumstances, he would've texted you and said, 'hey, babe, I'm really beat. I'm hittin' it early tonight.' If he feels guilty about something, he won't text you. Few people ever do this in these kinds of situations but instead of making yourself nuts wondering about what he's doing, stop being available for him for about a week and let HIM wonder what YOU'RE doing. When you finally do talk to him, tell him, 'because you've been acting so weird lately I figured you were just blowing me off or have found someone else. If you want out of this relationship, all you have to do is say so.' Because as soon as you act desperate or start panicking in response to his behavior, he'll start playing both of you. Don't play this game. If he's cheating on you, send him a clear message that you're not going to put up with that or his evasive behavior, and that you'll let him go in a heartbeat if that's how he's going to act.
Author Simone84 Posted September 24, 2010 Author Posted September 24, 2010 Yep, was thinking of suggesting that i come up and visit him for the first time because his birthday is coming up... Just to see the reaction i get. Usually he comes down to stay with me when we have visits, i have never actually been up there to visit him. That'll be all the confirmation i need if he acts funny i figure... Right?
Angel1111 Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 Yep, was thinking of suggesting that i come up and visit him for the first time because his birthday is coming up... Just to see the reaction i get. Usually he comes down to stay with me when we have visits, i have never actually been up there to visit him. That'll be all the confirmation i need if he acts funny i figure... Right? Yeah, it would be but I think that if I were you, I'd just stop being available for awhile. Men usually only understand one thing - action. If you continue to talk to him while he's acting like this, he'll continue to believe that his dismissive behavior is ok with you. If you try to talk to him about it, he'll just deny that anything is wrong. Silence, on the other hand, will clear things up really quick. This also gets his undivided attention for when you do talk to him again.
Author Simone84 Posted September 24, 2010 Author Posted September 24, 2010 My only worry is that if i back off he will notice that something is wrong on my end, and that maybe i even alredy suspect that he's cheating... In which case when i do offer to come up and visit him - he'll see right through it and realise that i'm only asking to come up becuse i suspect something... Does that make sense? I was hoping to catch him off guard by just being cool about this whole thing then offering to come up and visit him...? I hope that makes sense I just feel that offering to visit him would be the ultimate giveaway as to what's really going on. Judging from his reaction.
Angel1111 Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 But you're banking on the fact that he won't agree to you coming to visit. If he's really intent on deceiving you, he may act like he thinks it's a great idea for you to visit, and then a few days before you get there, he'll tell you that he has to cancel because something at work has come up, or he suddenly becomes ill, or the airline screwed up the reservations and you don't have a ticket after all...whatever. Do you see what I mean? If he wants to cover this up, he'll figure out how to do it without making you suspect anything. But, yeah, it's worth a shot, I suppose. I'm just trying to tell you that the more you 'act' like things are ok when you both already know that his behavior has changed, then the less he'll respect you. He has to know that you will not tolerate any kind of crappy treatment and the only way you're going to get that point across is by not talking to him, at least for a few days. And then when you do talk to him, don't play games. Just point blank let him know that you do not like how dismissive he's being. If he blows it off and says it won't happen anymore, the minute it happens again, just break it off with him. So many people drag this stuff out when really they need to just walk away from someone who does this kind of thing. It's very obvious that he's either sleeping with someone or at the very least dating them. And even if he's not doing either of those things, he is treating you with a lot of disinterest. You just need to decide how long you're going to put up with his behavior.
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