thatsonlyme Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 (edited) Well, it's been approximately a month. She did text me few times before with few questions but we didn't talk. Now she texted me with the question how to fill out the check for the rent. I called her few minutes later and it felt good hearing from her again. She sounded a lot more down to earth and she cracked a joke how dumb she is for those things. I felt very positive and that showed in our conversation. In the beginning she was maybe a little bit reserved then she seamed to start finding ways to talk to me longer. She said I still have some clothes left and I should pick it up. Now I'm not sure if she just wants to jsut get rid of that stuff or she wanted to see me because I felt like she wanted me to come over ASAP. I told her I've been busy and I'm not sure when I'll make it and also I asked her to leave my mail in the mailbox making it look like I just want to pick it up without seeing her. It seemed like she would really like to see me because after it was obvious that I'm not coming to pick up my stuff soon she later invited me to a bbq party of our mutual friend tomorrow. I told her that I've changed my schedule and I don't think I'll make it but I left the possibility open. I'm not sure what to think about all this. I know she wanted to stay friends and this could be just an attempt to reconnect with me as a friend. I'm glad we finally opened lines of communication but now I need to make sure not to be around every time she needs me. I don't want to become her shoulder for crying. Once we were done with the technical stuff she asked me how have I been. I responded with "you know, strikes and gutters, ups and downs" referring to a line from our favorite movie. That made her relaxed and we had a nice little chat after that. I asked how was her trip to California and she said it was great and she definitely wants to move there in the future. Nothing new, she wanted it even before. I don't know what to think, I feel like I'm getting closer but I'm afraid I could blow it! I think the bond is still there, we're just missing the spark and her new guy is in our way. Well, kind of at least, he doesn't live here but I'm not sure if that's advantage or not. Any advice is welcome. I also tried to use "we" and "us" whenever appropriate during our conversation in an attempt to recreate bond on subconscious level. I also did keep it clear that I respect her decision to separate by referring to "her" apartment and things like that Edited September 23, 2010 by thatsonlyme
Billie The Puppet Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 If this leads no where would you feel you are back to square 1? Seems risky.
Ajax Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 I also tried to use "we" and "us" whenever appropriate during our conversation in an attempt to recreate bond on subconscious level. I also did keep it clear that I respect her decision to separate by referring to "her" apartment and things like that I would be hesitant to do this. Speaking in terms of "we" and "us" may feel to you like you're recreating the bond, but to her it might sound like you're in denial about the breakup. I think for the time being you need to think in terms of yourself as an individual. Are the clothes you have at her place that important? If it isn't one of your favorite shirts or something I might think about writing them off. My ex still has a pillow of mine that I brought to her place so I could sleep better. If she ever tries to get me to come over to claim it I'm just gonna let her keep it. I won't lose sleep over a pillow... unless she lets some other dude use it.
Author thatsonlyme Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 It is risky but if I don't try I'll be beating myself over it forever! In this situation it seems to me like she needed excitement and that's why most people cheat. They cheat because they don't wanna lose that special someone but in the same time can't resist their feelings. She did tell me it's better to break up because otherwise she would probably end up cheating. I respect her for that and honestly I don't think I'd be able to take such sacrifice. I have friends who have been together for over 10 years and at some point in their lives they both did their share of cheating. They realized their mistakes and they are happy because they didn't give up on each other.
Author thatsonlyme Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 I would be hesitant to do this. Speaking in terms of "we" and "us" may feel to you like you're recreating the bond, but to her it might sound like you're in denial about the breakup. I think for the time being you need to think in terms of yourself as an individual. Are the clothes you have at her place that important? If it isn't one of your favorite shirts or something I might think about writing them off. My ex still has a pillow of mine that I brought to her place so I could sleep better. If she ever tries to get me to come over to claim it I'm just gonna let her keep it. I won't lose sleep over a pillow... unless she lets some other dude use it. I didn't make it that obvious. It was more like when she asked me about something I told her where it was and it's been at the same spot ever since WE moved in. I don't even think I left any clothes. If I did it's nothing special for me and although we still have some unfinished business and will definitely have to see each other at some point I don't wanna rush it.
Author thatsonlyme Posted September 24, 2010 Author Posted September 24, 2010 damn, she called me twice after this today! I mean does she think we are best buds already? She sounds all excited on the phone, we were cracking jokes, she asked me to pick her up because she wanted to go to the club. I was like, call the f**n cab, I'm too far! She lives in a city, she could get a cab in 5 minutes, no she waited for me 10 minutes to call her back. She has no reason to play games with me and even if she missed me so much at this point I don't think she'd be so pushy. I guess I'll just wait and see what's really on her mind, but I have to admit I'm confused. It seems like once she realized I'll pick up the phone now she won't stop calling.
TearsofHope Posted September 25, 2010 Posted September 25, 2010 Mannn.. like everyone says, this is risky. One move can possibly damage your ego and have you back to breakup day 1 when she says "Look, I am not ready to get back with you, I need more time or its best we just move on" If you can handle that, so let it be... and if she says that its best you can be friends, then you can't worry about it b/c then you will have to live with your decision by being so brave, you know? But sounds like you are just a comfort zone. You laughing and joking with her made her feel comfortable to contact you about the club. She is thinking you are cool with everything and what not, so either she feels you moved on emotionally so she is cool with it as friends, or maybe she feels you moved on emotionally and is sorta worried you may forget her so she is stringing you along, it can go both ways. What is a huge blow is when you tell her you got her stuff packed, ready to be shipped to her front door and go NC. Maybe it would send a clue in her head that you are not trying to be friends, or maybe she will accept that what she wants out of you two is really what it is, no longer together.
TearsofHope Posted September 25, 2010 Posted September 25, 2010 (edited) I have friends who have been together for over 10 years and at some point in their lives they both did their share of cheating. They realized their mistakes and they are happy because they didn't give up on each other. See, that's what I am talking about. I don't know to the extent of cheating as I would never cheat and would never stay with a partner who cheated, but I am all for trying to make a relationship work. It just seems like nowadays, people are only thinking of theirselves and aren't thinking about how, what you feel. I feel like it depends on age too, b/c if the couple is much older, they may just stay together b/c they don't want the burden of being in their late 30s,40,50s being single so they'll just make it work somehow u know? But the young people look at relationships like their packed and ready to leave out the door of one house and into another new house not knowing a damn thing about what is wrong with it. heh, im 23 but i dont think that way.. weirdd Edited September 25, 2010 by TearsofHope
Author thatsonlyme Posted September 27, 2010 Author Posted September 27, 2010 Well, she hasn't called anymore and I'm not going to call her. The thing is I don't have any of her stuff because I'm the one who moved out. She's got some of my stuff left but nothing that matters to me. I do have some stuff in a basement but I can take it without contacting her as I still have the keys. We already had a month of NC so now I think I can deal with LC. I still have feelings for her but I'm slowly moving on. I've been going out with friends, meeting new people and having fun. I deleted all of her photos from my facebook and added some new photos. First time I added new stuff to my facebook I blocked her from seeing it, but now I just don't care. If it makes her jealous so be it. In one photo I'm with a group of friends and I pulled this HOT blonde very close to me hugging her around waist, we definitely look like a couple. I wouldn't actually mind hooking up with her lol At least I'm not gonna let her know how much I've been suffering. Today I passed my first interview at new job and have another one scheduled for tomorrow. If this happens it will be a really nice change in my life, plus I'll meet some new people. Things are definitely getting better and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I wish someone comes along and takes her off my mind for good. Because the truth is, I still want her back.
Billie The Puppet Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Well, she hasn't called anymore and I'm not going to call her. The thing is I don't have any of her stuff because I'm the one who moved out. She's got some of my stuff left but nothing that matters to me. I do have some stuff in a basement but I can take it without contacting her as I still have the keys. We already had a month of NC so now I think I can deal with LC. I still have feelings for her but I'm slowly moving on. I've been going out with friends, meeting new people and having fun. I deleted all of her photos from my facebook and added some new photos. First time I added new stuff to my facebook I blocked her from seeing it, but now I just don't care. If it makes her jealous so be it. In one photo I'm with a group of friends and I pulled this HOT blonde very close to me hugging her around waist, we definitely look like a couple. I wouldn't actually mind hooking up with her lol At least I'm not gonna let her know how much I've been suffering. Today I passed my first interview at new job and have another one scheduled for tomorrow. If this happens it will be a really nice change in my life, plus I'll meet some new people. Things are definitely getting better and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I wish someone comes along and takes her off my mind for good. Because the truth is, I still want her back. If you still want her back you are not ready for LC. You'll have to be indifferent for LC as LC will reopen your wounds and sometimes pour salt on them.
Author thatsonlyme Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 I don't think I'll be indifferent any time soon and by the time I get over her she will be waaaay over me. I still wanna give it another chance because I believe she has mixed feelings at the moment and if I completely disappear from her life so will her feelings for me. I'm not going to call her but I'm not going to avoid her calls. I know it may open old wounds but I can't keep waiting for her to come around and I can't stop hoping that she'll come back until I get final closure from her. If she really doesn't want to be with me anymore all I need is to hear that now after all this time has passed and also I need few more answers from her so I can finally stop hoping. Of course I'm not going to talk about it right away, I want to see what happens when we see each other and after we spend some time enjoying each others company. I know that if she rejects me I'll be back to square one but not quite, first time I didn't see it coming, now I'm expecting rejection. In the mean time I'm meeting new people, having fun, I might get a new job soon and my life is definitely changing to better.
jtincubus Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 your in a very similar situation as me. I've been NC for about 2weeks and i'm planning on breaking it next week. Only because i don't want to lose her friendship or possibly another chance. I started it so i think i have to stop it. I'm glad to hear that your keeping yourself busy. That's my main problem.
Billie The Puppet Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 your in a very similar situation as me. I've been NC for about 2weeks and i'm planning on breaking it next week. Only because i don't want to lose her friendship or possibly another chance. I started it so i think i have to stop it. I'm glad to hear that your keeping yourself busy. That's my main problem. 2-3 weeks is not much time, well to us it feels like forever but you are setting yourself up for just friends and it won't be real friends it will be friends on your ex's terms IE when they want to call, be around you etc. You won't be over the ex in that amount of time and you'll end up bugging them which is why it's under their terms. As for another possible chance you won't get that by breaking NC if they want you they will contact you. What are you going to do beg? Seriously I have been there done that this plan about dumpees breaking NC or wanting LC does not work so early on.
Von Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Ya Billie is right. I'd like to add, if someone dumps you, WTF are you trying to get back with them for? They dumped you! Everybody just needs to stop this crap. I know it sucks, I know it hurts, I know it's devastating. Trust me I've been there. But you cannot "get" a dumper back. They are the ones that may decide that for themselves. It's not your problem. People need to learn the "rules" of a breakup... I swear. Im dead serious about this folks. If you get dumped, dump them back. If they leave you, you leave too. Don't call, don't answer calls, don't txt, ignore and delete their txts, get them off your facebook & myspace, delete them out of your phone, erase their emails, you just need to dissapear, go NC, hang out with your friends, get better, and go find a new person. And I don't care if was their fault or your fault, it doesn't matter, if you breakup that means the relationship didn't work. So stop trying to get second chances and start being a strong person that doesn't need to take B.S. from other people. A breakup is like taking your car and driving 100 mph into a brick wall. It's totaled. There is no way to fix it. It's done. Now get over it and go get a new one. Fair enough?
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