fredcollins Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 I've been a watching on this site for a few months and this is my first post. Next spring I'll have been married for 10 years and I'm in my mid 30s. Because of my job at times I'm away from home for months at a time. Our sex life has never been white hot, not even room temp. Even when we just married, or were dating it wasn't often. She has pain and low libido, in return I've really lost much "want" to do anything. We are intimate a couple times a month, which for some is a lot for some couples. I've never been a ladies man, in fact have had a lot more women hit on me since I've been married. And she is the same. My thing is how ambivilent I'd feel if she was cheating on me. The thought I've had most often is surprise she'd like sex enough to do so, because I don't. Is this a normal thought (doesn't seem to be with me)? Reading the hatred people have here for cheating spouses I'm quite surprised. I don't think she is cheating on me, and I'm sure I'd feel different if it happened, but like I said, I feel I really don't care enough to be upset.
GorillaTheater Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Sounds like you've emotionally detached from your wife. Could be from lack of sex; it's pretty typical in the case of men for emotional attachment to be strengthened through sex, so I imagine it could work the other way as well. But just a hunch on my part that it's not just the lack of sex. Outside of that part, how is your marriage? How's the communication and interaction? Is there affection? And have you reached the point where you're becoming interested in other women? Last question: do you think part of you would welcome your wife's hypothetical affair because it would give you an easy out to pursue divorce or other women? Not trying to assume too much or put words in your mouth, just trying to get a feel as to where you're coming from.
2sure Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 One thought comes to mind: You think you really wouldnt care if she was cheating on you. Maybe thats true, maybe it isnt. You dont know until it happens. But my thought is this: Do not assume your wife would feel the same way if you cheated on her.
Author fredcollins Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 I'm pretty sure she wouldn't like it if I were cheating, and she knows where my firearms are. I do enjoy the company of women, but like I said above, I don't enjoy sex enough to cheat. I'm not saying that's what's keeping me from doing so. She tells me often she could go the rest of her life without sex. This doesn't make me feel too great as a man or lover. And as a lover I do all the things a husband should do. But there is distance between us.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 I'm pretty sure she wouldn't like it if I were cheating, and she knows where my firearms are. I do enjoy the company of women, but like I said above, I don't enjoy sex enough to cheat. I'm not saying that's what's keeping me from doing so. She tells me often she could go the rest of her life without sex. This doesn't make me feel too great as a man or lover. And as a lover I do all the things a husband should do. But there is distance between us. Fred... I think you should bring the white hot passion in. You can think objectively that it wont hurt you if she cheats... but when it happens it may hurt you alot. Even though you are detached. Passion is about intensity of feeling. I think if you bring it... even if you have to fake it somewhat... she will respond very positively.
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