WowReally Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Even after cheating on your wife for the second time in a few yrs. My xMM told me this last night. Yes I broke down as I couldnt take the withdrawl anymore and decided to get intouch. I knew he would be going back eventually...he protested the idea way too much when I brought it up before our latest stint of NC so my gut was telling me "he's lying/fooling himself". These 2 obviously need eachother - why else would she be taking him back? I guess being married for over 20 yrs does that to people. I'd probably do the same thing if I were her I suppose. Comfy lifestyle and appearance to maintain in a tight knit community. Even though I know he and I are over Im still a little disappointed by his announcement.
donnamaybe Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 It's not necessarily a need to "keep up appearances" that makes them want to stay together. I'm sure it helps you to put a negative spin on the whys, but I think the best thing would be to realize that you put yourself in a very tenuous position when you get involved with someone in an A situation. I'm not trying to lecture you on the inappropriateness of an A - not at all. I just think people put themselves at an extreme disadvantage when they get involved in one. I'm sorry you're hurting. Hope you feel better very soon.
TigerCub Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 WR I'm really sorry you're hurting. I think that the one thing you need to keep in mind the next time you miss him, is that he'll always go back to W and apparently she'll take him back no matter how he's cheated on her. If you think of that, you'll resist the urge to break NC and get involved with him in any way again. It's not fair, and it's very hurtful, but sometimes, that's the way it is. I hope that you can heal in time, and find a much healthier happier relationship in the future
Author WowReally Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 Im not putting a negative spin on why they've decided to reconcile...I knew they would. Why continue MC if they really weren't trying to reach the goal of making the marriage work again? It is what it is...I needed some closure and I got it despite the bs I spewed 2 weeks ago.
Brokenlady Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 This kind of thing is pretty common. Places like marriage builders and others that sell programs to save a marriage touched by affairs have dozens of testimonials from people like this - one that sticks out in my mind was about this woman and her H, who left her 7 times to go live with the OW and she still took him back. This was over a period of years. Some people will just never let go. Something about the sickness is attractive to them. Don't waste your energy trying to understand it. Good luck in moving on.
Star_Bright Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 This was my fear... that even if exMM did move out, he would have second thoughts and move back in... which to me would have been harder than him moving out in the first place. I could tell he was unsure about what he wanted to do and so even if I "pushed" him to move out... which is what it seemed like he wanted me to do, but even then I don't know if it would have "worked"... he would still have unresolved issues and doubts. My exMM has been married for about the same amount of time as yours and even though he claimed to have been done with his wife and the marriage, I know there was a bond there and that she would want him to come back if he left and maybe he would have wanted to go back. At least you have some form of "closure" WowReally... you probably had this nagging doubt you had to confirm, and now it's confirmed... and you can really and truly start moving on. Good luck!
KarmasTestDummy Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 Not only apparently but typically. I'm sorry for your loss and disappointment. It's sad sometimes to realize the theory of don't know what you have until it's gone applies to marriages even more than affairs. Afterall they're the ones with the life built together.
Confused4Now Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 Yeah my xMW had her husband leave the house for 6 months and she wasn't strong enough to keep him out. He's been back home for 17 months now. So bottom line is when you're done you're done. I agree it's all about letting go.....I let my xW go....and my xMW come to think of it.
siuys Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 I always feared that xMM would get back together with his W despite him having moved out 5 months ago. Emotionally unstable, not knowing what he wants etc, anything can happen to a recently separated MM. I don't doubt his feelings for me, but writing him off was the best thing for me. No more wondering, no more doubt, no more being thrown under the bus. It's only been about a week of my decision, but I am already feeling soooo much better than when I was still 'with' him. Closure or no closure I don't really give a damn anymore. He can go find someone else's life to stuff up. So WR, it is actually a good thing that you found out he is back with W. Another reason to ditch him.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 These 2 obviously need eachother - why else would she be taking him back? I guess being married for over 20 yrs does that to people. I'd probably do the same thing if I were her I suppose. Comfy lifestyle and appearance to maintain in a tight knit community. It could be she doesn't really want to be with a lying, cheating bastard....but she just isn't ready for a divorce yet. I knew someone whose husband cheated and she took him back....but it was more or less to buy time. She used this time to slowly hide some money, get her situation in order, and gear up for a divorce. And all the while the marital assets keep accumulating of which she was entitled to half. So in that instance, she took him back to buy time and get more while she was gearing up for divorce. And I say good for her. The cheating jackass thinks his wife forgave him for his worthlessness, and she ends up dropping a bomb on him when SHE was ready. fitting justice.
Recommended Posts