Just found out my ex has started dating

[hard but okay]

Well tonight My ex invited me to a photography society meeting (we both love photography) anyway that was fun so we went out for coffee after (and dont worry I was thinking nothing more than we are friends) but anyway I told her how yesterday (I saw her yesterday in the park outside my work, went and said hi etc) just before I saw her I was thinking man it would be funny in a bad way if I saw my ex here on a date, and sure enough I looked up and there she walked by thankfully with a chick friend but still weird. Anyway after hearing this she tensed a bit and told me that she actually had been on a couple of dates but it didnt go anywhere. Well I was a bit taken back and thanked her for telling me but asked why? she looked really anxious but told me that she thought I knew and was testing her by telling her about the park thing. Well anyway that threw me a bit eh and I again thanked her and told her its one of those things that I do but dont want to know as it will happen I am sure and knew it would I just tried not to think about it to be honest, But the fact is if I want to be her friend I need to accept this and yeah I told her this and that I hope she finds someone who appreciates her and is a nice guy as she deserves it. She then told me that she had decided not to tell me when she is dating but if it turns into something more she will let me know, also she said that one of the things it did was make her realize that she isnt ready yet and wants to be single for a bit longer to move overseas etc. I think to be honest she just said the last part to make me feel better.

 

So yeah then we chatted a bit more about normal stuff and left, but im in a funny two minds thing, in my head I am okay as well I knew this would happen and now at least it has left me with no doubt that she doesnt want to get back with me, but then my gut feels like crap and im of course a little sad.

 

So yeah here I am just trying to accept and not feel crap as I do want her in my life and do want to be friends so I know I need to accept this stuff and carry on. One thing she did say to me was that she was worried that this contact was a bad thing for me because she has been in this situation before where she was dumped but they tried the whole friend thing for her ex it was fine because he had moved on in his head but for her it was the bitter sweet thing of wanting to see the person. I explained that at first it was like that for me so I asked for some space it has now been a month without seeing her so we caught up and although it is hard because I still love her (I did tell her all this as well) I need to do this to accept it is over and move into the friends thing and as hard as it was hearing that she has been on a couple of dates, it was also what I needed to hear to be friends rather than cling to any small bit of hope because now I know that she is moving on still hurts like hell though right now.

[jeff2321]

My advice is to go NC. Let her go and move on with your life. I had to go NC with my ex and I'm the one that screwed up the relationship (she left me).

 

Being friends with an ex just prolongs the hurt and causes you to take longer to get over it. Especially an EX that you still "love".

 

Personally I still love my ex (she was my everything), but I can't watch her date new guys and I can't watch her have this great new life while I'm in so much pain.

 

The only way is NC IMO.

 

I got rid of everything, emails, texts, phone numbers, facebook pics, tagged photos, all physical items she's ever given me. I'm even trying to get out of my lease where we used to live together. At some point I won't have anything left to get rid of.

 

Now I'm just plagued with regret and screwing up something that could have been great.

 

I'm 10 days NC and it has been some of the most pain I have endured, but I'd rather have it this way then to torture myself by looking at her facebook page everyday trying to figure out which guy she is dating.

 

Besides, my ex deserves better and it is none of my business what she does with her life now. It is over and I need to move on completely.

 

Just my .02.

 

Jeff

[shayan]

you'll never accept it until you have completely mourned her and your heart closes it's doors. No contact, no gosh darn contact!

[HoldingPatterns]

I agree NCNCNCNC!!!! I tried to be my ex's friend but I realized she may be a disturbed human being. Her offer for friendship was an extreme alleviate guilt! She jumped right into something new with someone else and it is a reoccuring pattern for her.

 

My advice don't look back! We always want to be friends, We miss them. Truth is some are damaged goods and poisonous! Let her go for your own sake.

[durkadurka]

I agree NCNCNCNC!!!! I tried to be my ex's friend but I realized she may be a disturbed human being. Her offer for friendship was an extreme alleviate guilt! She jumped right into something new with someone else and it is a reoccuring pattern for her.

 

My advice don't look back! We always want to be friends, We miss them. Truth is some are damaged goods and poisonous! Let her go for your own sake.

 

I've found that this is a pattern with women.

 

They want their exes to validate that they are okay with what they are doing, and that their exs will be okay to watch themselves get ****ed over.

 

It's a perverse form of eating your cake and eating it too.

[HoldingPatterns]

I've found that this is a pattern with women.

 

They want their exes to validate that they are okay with what they are doing, and that their exs will be okay to watch themselves get ****ed over.

 

It's a perverse form of eating your cake and eating it too.

 

Truer words were never spoken. My ex took it a step farther by spreading rumors she was married to the new guy. When it got back to me I flipped and asked her about it. She said it was fun gossip! this is someone I loved who I thought was some kind of decent. True colors really do come out when it's over. Weird and disturbing!