drewsmom Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 (edited) Why does he still deny having a gf when were in the middle of this divorce, and he knows I have proof? His family knows of what I told them about it, my son has met her and her child a few times, I heard a whole conversation between the two on the phone, yet he hasnt even told his family. he has some strange behaviors. And he is allowed to date now, both of us are, the lawyers at our last meeting said as long as the opposite sex does not spend the nite when my son is around, we can date. but he is still denying her. Edited September 23, 2010 by drewsmom
You Go Girl Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Ah, another morning person. Good morning! Why do people deny anything that's right in front of their face? Denial? Shame? Fear of judgment? Arrogance and entitlement? If he hooked up with the gf during the divorce, he probably thinks he no longer owes you the truth. If he hooked up with the gf before the divorce, he probably thinks he no longer owes you the truth. Same difference? Or exit affair? Sabotage?
tojaz Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Why do people deny anything that's right in front of their face? Denial? Shame? Fear of judgment? Arrogance and entitlement? Fear of judgment!!!! So he can sit back and tell everyone hes not the bad guy. Probably trying to convince himself as well. Something they all do. "Yes I was with him and lied to you and said I was alone" "Yes I was at a bar with him one block from my motel" "Yes I kissed him :o" Heard them all, but still, they were just good friends. Dont expect him to admit to anything that will put him in a bad light, hes not capable. TOJAZ
Author drewsmom Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 Yeah sounds like him, he can never take the blame for anything, and I was told by his aunt his whole family is like that and they will blame me for it, At this point I dont care if he blames me for anything, just want this over. He is very secretive to, so i assume the gf dont know he is free to date her in public, because i am sure if she knew she whould push the issue. It really is my last hurdle to get over, I am over the fact that were done, I guess I dont care about him having a gf, since I know she works at dunkin donuts up the street and never even bothered to go in there, had plans to go in with my sister one day and didnt even bother. I know seeing them together for the first time will bother me I am human and had loved him for 20 yrs, so If he would just hurry it up and bring her around I would be able to get past that part of it. Hey like I said before if it wasnt her it would have been someone else, I dont blame her, As long as when she is around my son she treats him good, the way she would expect anyone to treat her own daughter. I am pretty easy going, but dont fk with my son.
trippi1432 Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Yes, pretty much because they don't want to be painted as a cheater....want you and everyone else to think that they left because there was no way of saving the relationship...not because they actually wanted someone else. My ex, he found his soul mate and love of his life just days after sleeping with me and trying to reconcile a 15 year relationship. He did later admit to me that he just wanted to see if he could be with me again and was fighting with her. He actually blamed me for getting together with her...I went NC with him and he thought I was already dating other people. Honestly, it took a lot of sacrifice on both their parts to be together. She had to kick her husband out of the house and he had to keep a low profile so he wouldn't look bad. They will have been living together a year in October and as soon as her divorce is final, they will most likely get married. They now pretend to have the perfect life, he pretends to be Mr. Perfect.....but he is still fundamentally flawed and always will be. The good thing is, it happened so long ago that I don't feel the sucker punch that it delivered back then anymore.
What_Next Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 OK and I might get flamed but I'll say it anyway. Maybe he just doesn't want to get into the details with you. I don't know your story, did he cheat in the marriage? In my case I also met someone during the end part of our marriage. I didn't want it to happen, but it did. Initially I didn't even want to tell my STBX. I just couldn't lie. I thought I was doing a good thing by telling her but it made things MUCH worse. Now that was largely caused by us still living under the same roof. Now we have agreed that I just won't tell her any details of what is going on. That is hard, but in less than 2 weeks I am moving out anyway. Now if he did cheat and this is the person he was cheating with then shame on him.
Author drewsmom Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 Yes this is the girl he was cheating on me with. most likely why hes taking so long kept avoiding his own attn request to submit his cell phone records. I dont want details believe me. I cant understand why one would lie knowing there is proof. but i guess everyone here explained it.
2sure Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Its because he does not want to look like the bad guy to others. its quite possible that he still thinks he can manipulate you into thinking he is not.
UofLCards Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 I am basically going through the same thing with my GF. I have known that she has been cheating on me with the OM since January and was suspecting it way before then. She came clean once he called me and told me everything about them only because she knew that she was busted once he called me. Now I still know that they are still seeing each other and texting each other but she wont admit it for the life of her. Sad thing is this guy she is cheating on me with is a LOSER! No car, no house, no job, a 110% LOSER. It's really degrading to me. I'm done with her anyways. Just buying my time until I move back in with my parents to get my back on my feet. Read my thread. "My SO is cheating". That's my story. Anyways, the reason they wont tell you the truth and admit it is they think you will believe them if they lie to you and they know if they admit it they will look like the bad person. The one that ended the marriage. They want to try and make their self think that "you" are the one that caused the marriage to go south. Not them.
tojaz Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 Sad thing is this guy she is cheating on me with is a LOSER! No car, no house, no job, a 110% LOSER. They always are! Anyways, the reason they wont tell you the truth and admit it is they think you will believe them if they lie to you and they know if they admit it they will look like the bad person. The one that ended the marriage. They want to try and make their self think that "you" are the one that caused the marriage to go south. Not them. In my time on LS I have seen two ways of leaving that seem to out number all the rest, an MO that seems to be repeated over and over again, and both are about the most damaging ways a person can leave. Slash&Burn or Hide&Seek. Slash&Burn, is equivilant to rubbing your nose in it. They want to get caught so they can parade it in front of you, anything and everything to hopefully make YOU ask for the split. Its quick, its brutal. Hide&Seek, on the other hand is a little more subtle but in my opinion causes much more damage. Where they say one thing and hide the rest. Its still all your fault, but theres always more behind the scenes. These are the ones that lie, move out quickly, anything to keep their true selves from being discovered. Creates doubt and a lack of trust that will last for years. Both are BS but it doesn't make it hurt any less and we rarely see it when were living it. :o TOJAZ
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